DH and MIL took DS for first shoes fitting without me

Did they know? Was it clear? Some people on here say they don't care about first shoes?
Maybe they didn't realise the OP was going to be the type to harbour resentment about this kind of thing?

Maybe the MIL has similar feelings to the OP & wanted to take HER son to buy his child's first shoes? Maybe that is an important milestone for her and she got carried away?
My MIL had a similar thing about buying the first wellies (yes, really!) with her son because she's from a rural background.

I think maybe have a brief chat about it with the DH but not the MIL - it's in the past & will just cause resentment because it will be clear the OP has harboured a grudge about this and it's just not worth the upset.
Also if anyone is at fault here it's the DH anyway, not the MIL.

It's communication because her inlaws overstepped. They knew it was a special occasion which they excluded the mother from
This may or may not have been deliberate rather than thoughtless but either way she absolutely needs to clear the air with her husband. In no way has she been controlling.

It would have made a powerful point.

Overstepping in the way OP’s MIL has done, (but mine would not have done) is not acceptable. If you have struggled for years to get pregnant and then your idiot DH lets his mother take that away from you, then that is rage- inducing in my book, but even if those circumstances do not apply it is still extremely thoughtless and insensitive of those adults to treat the child’s mother in that way. The same would be true of the first haircut or the first steps. If I was babysitting a future DGC and s/he took their first steps I would tell DS and GF that I thought s/he was almost there and let them have the joy of it later. I wouldn’t tell them he’d walked first with me.

I would have made it clear to DH that those shoes were not being worn and if MIL asked why DC was wearing them I would have told her calmly but firmly that no one but me was choosing and buying his first shoes.

But is it "communication" or is it making a mountain out of a molehill and being a bit controlling and needing to be involved in every event in the child's life when actually maybe sometimes the dad can do some things himself?

No not for me but the likes of Clark’s sell you a photo package..

It's advice. You may have a different opinion, but it's no less bad or good than yours.

I would argue speaking to her husband is the least she should do given the impact on marriages of poor communications and long resentments.

I was definitely off with her for a bit.

What about your DH? Were you off with him for the same length of time you were your MIL?
I think yes it’s understandable you may of been upset you missed out but YABU. A father took his son for his first pair of shoes… there’s nothing wrong with that

Such bad advice!

Just let it go. The OP says this was a while ago, why on earth bring it up now?

Honestly, if this is all people have to fuss about in their lives then that's incredibly lucky because it's such a non issue!

How about being grateful for MIL for buying the shoes? 🤷‍♀️

I’m so sorry about your parents 💐 I think there was definitely some overreaction on my part due to pregnancy hormones. I’ve just always wondered if folk in a regular state of mind would’ve had an issue with this. From the replies, I guess not, which makes me feel bad for my lovely MIL who was obviously trying to do a nice thing. I was definitely off with her for a bit. Hopefully I’ve made it up to her since!

Oh you so not unreasonable. Definitely a milestone, at the very least definitely something you get the mum's consent for!

To help you move on, I think you need to have a no-angst conversation with your mother in law and give the chance to reply with 'oh shit, I'm sorry'

The fact that they took photos of your sil holding your child's hand means they know it was a special occasion.

Obviously, you also need to have words with your husband too

I would have been glad there was one less chore on my to-do list. I'd be even happier if MIL took over all shoe buying - they cost me a fortune and I'm sick of visits to the shoe shop.

Oh you so not unreasonable. Definitely a milestone, at the very least definitely something you get the mum's consent for!

To help you move on, I think you need to have a no-angst conversation with your mother in law and give the chance to reply with 'oh shit, I'm sorry'

The fact that they took photos of your sil holding your child's hand means they know it was a special occasion.

Obviously, you also need to have words with your husband too

If you think this is ‘assertive’ and is a matter of “strong boundaries’ and ‘sending a powerful message’, then it suggests a sense of disproportion so extreme as to be pathological. Some posters on here are completely unable to just experience negative emotions.

It would have made a powerful point.

Overstepping in the way OP’s MIL has done, (but mine would not have done) is not acceptable. If you have struggled for years to get pregnant and then your idiot DH lets his mother take that away from you, then that is rage- inducing in my book, but even if those circumstances do not apply it is still extremely thoughtless and insensitive of those adults to treat the child’s mother in that way. The same would be true of the first haircut or the first steps. If I was babysitting a future DGC and s/he took their first steps I would tell DS and GF that I thought s/he was almost there and let them have the joy of it later. I wouldn’t tell them he’d walked first with me.

I would have made it clear to DH that those shoes were not being worn and if MIL asked why DC was wearing them I would have told her calmly but firmly that no one but me was choosing and buying his first shoes.

First shoe fitting? No, it’s not a thing.

Don't be ridiculous

This is genuinely one of the most unhinged things I’ve ever read on here. No wonder so many Mners have no friends and are NC with their entire family if you think this is an appropriate response.

It would have made a powerful point.

Overstepping in the way OP’s MIL has done, (but mine would not have done) is not acceptable. If you have struggled for years to get pregnant and then your idiot DH lets his mother take that away from you, then that is rage- inducing in my book, but even if those circumstances do not apply it is still extremely thoughtless and insensitive of those adults to treat the child’s mother in that way. The same would be true of the first haircut or the first steps. If I was babysitting a future DGC and s/he took their first steps I would tell DS and GF that I thought s/he was almost there and let them have the joy of it later. I wouldn’t tell them he’d walked first with me.

I would have made it clear to DH that those shoes were not being worn and if MIL asked why DC was wearing them I would have told her calmly but firmly that no one but me was choosing and buying his first shoes.

It would have made a powerful point.

Overstepping in the way OP’s MIL has done, (but mine would not have done) is not acceptable. If you have struggled for years to get pregnant and then your idiot DH lets his mother take that away from you, then that is rage- inducing in my book, but even if those circumstances do not apply it is still extremely thoughtless and insensitive of those adults to treat the child’s mother in that way. The same would be true of the first haircut or the first steps. If I was babysitting a future DGC and s/he took their first steps I would tell DS and GF that I thought s/he was almost there and let them have the joy of it later. I wouldn’t tell them he’d walked first with me.

I would have made it clear to DH that those shoes were not being worn and if MIL asked why DC was wearing them I would have told her calmly but firmly that no one but me was choosing and buying his first shoes.

It would have made a powerful point.

Overstepping in the way OP’s MIL has done, (but mine would not have done) is not acceptable. If you have struggled for years to get pregnant and then your idiot DH lets his mother take that away from you, then that is rage- inducing in my book, but even if those circumstances do not apply it is still extremely thoughtless and insensitive of those adults to treat the child’s mother in that way. The same would be true of the first haircut or the first steps. If I was babysitting a future DGC and s/he took their first steps I would tell DS and GF that I thought s/he was almost there and let them have the joy of it later. I wouldn’t tell them he’d walked first with me.

I would have made it clear to DH that those shoes were not being worn and if MIL asked why DC was wearing them I would have told her calmly but firmly that no one but me was choosing and buying his first shoes.