DH and MIL took DS for first shoes fitting without me

Wouldn't have bothered me one bit

Everyone is entitled to their own feelings and others are entitled to say they're ridiculous.

That's how feelings work. Individual to everyone.

Same as OP being 'devastated' doesn't mean she is the barometer by which all emotions are measured. It works both ways.

Therapists validate feelings. It doesn't mean everyone else has to or that therapy-speak should be weaponised to criticise others.

Why are you invalidating OP’s feelings? You’re not the barometer by which all emotions are measured.

All of that. She'd told you that she'd like to buy them. You were fine with that. It seems that you thought she was just going to give you the money for them, while she meant that she would actually do the buying.

It was natural for her to go with her son, but I'd have expected him to tell you of the plan.

I think I’d have been sad if they’d seen it as a milestone and done it without me. If they’d just thought “Oh, the baby needs shoes and we’re out shopping so we might as well get them”, that would be ok. But if they’re a family who make everything into a milestone then doing it without you is a bit mean.

Absolutely this.

The in laws are way out of order and the DH needs to understand this.

Are Clarks really charging for a "photo package" these days? We got a Polaroid in a little cardboard frame thing with the date and shoe size on. Totally free.

What utter nonsense. I have great relationships with both our families - because no one would dream of behaving like OP’s MIL has done.

I’m just fine, no need to worry!

You go with that approach if you wish, but aI don’t think that a child’s mother should be disrespected. My late DM would never have overstepped like that and my aunt has been very supportive and caring to my cousins without overstepping. She always asked if it was ok to give her DGC sweets, let alone taking them for their first shoes!!

Families have different expectations and cultures. It is not normal in my or DH’s families for DGPs to behave like this.

MN bingo!

Don't complain about any family member because other people have dead family.

😂😂😂😂😂

First world problems
Some people don't have a mil as they are dead, or they are not interested.
You have a interested and kind one,who you say has been lovely and your still posting.
Yabu. Very.

Financially this is helping your family out massively.

I hope they are very appreciative.
X

I think the main thing to take from this thread is -

To some people, the first shoes thing is a big deal.

To some people, it's just a chore.

I am in the latter camp but no shade to people in the first honestly, everyone has different things that are important to them.

If your MIL is otherwise lovely and you have a good relationship, err on the side of - she didn't realise it would matter so much to you and consider being clearer in the future on things that are important for you

My FIL did this and it still annoys me when I think of it ten years later!

What an amazing, familial bond - MIL wants to pay for his first shoes, be grateful he is surrounded by actual love, manifested in real things, not just 'best wishes'. So good to have a gran and an aunt who gave a shit - many don't.

I would have not minded.
The entire oh mum must be there for every little first is just ridiculous.
The first spit up, first nappy blowout, first smile. first hair cut, first nail trim, first fart, first shoes, first laugh, first steps, first day of nursery, first piece of chocolate….it never freaking ends and my personal opinion is toxic and works to keep women in their place as child minders over everything else.

It is better to centre the celebration of firsts on the child, and not be centring it on whether mum was present or not.

All these grandparents wanting to buy cute shoes for tiny children. Far more useful if they were taking surly teens to buy their massive, expensive boats but they are nowhere to be seen then!

The OP is an adult. She can "let go" of this minor issue without potential causing family upset over it.
The time to have had a chat with the MIL was at the time, that time has gone.

Now is the time to be an adult, get over it and focus on things in life which really matter.

OP, this is a normal thing to be upset or “put out” about. I know I would have been.

Because it would help the op to move on and let go. Or do her feelings not matter simply because it was a long time ago?

Oh come on…

In her opening post the OP says this happened "a long time ago" and she is just wondering now if it was unreasonable.

The OP describes her MIL as "lovely" in a subsequent post & in no way suggests this became a pattern of behaviour.

So the reason I said your advice was bad is because there is surely no value in raking this up now? What good could possibly come from that?

Let me guess: you also get really angry when you see jobs that need doing and DH doesn't just go ahead and do them on his own initiative?