DH and MIL took DS for first shoes fitting without me

Or just has different priorities.

I wouldn't have been bothered, and lots of mums take the kids without the dad (often that way round as mums are more likely to be off work or not working FT) so I honestly wouldn't imagine it was done to hurt you, any more than the mums doing it without the dads. My FIL liked to do lots of posting and telling people things (pregnancy, body shape, breastfeeding etc) which I'd have preferred wasn't all over FB really, but it's not worth letting yourself be upset-we just have to learn from it and be very clear second time round.

To think ‘oh shame I missed that’ - fine. To kick off to your DH and sulk at your MIL when she wasn’t intending to be malicious - horrible behaviour.
Lots of people would do anything for kind and supportive GP in their kids’ lives.
It’s shoes - not their first day at school. Grow up!

https://sorry-about-the-mess.co.uk/clarks-first-shoes-experience/

Mine are older teens and very much a thing when they were primary age. They have a ‘first shoes’ hub on web site.

more meant sell you the concept of first shoe milestone. The actual cost was part of the package. Book special appt. Get lots of fuss. Have photo. Shoes come in special ‘first shoes’ box. They sell first shoes as a milestone yes

I see, how long ago was this. Ds1 is 29 and ds2 is 26 and I dont recall it being offered to us at Clarks.
The concept may have come in after them and since died out.
Ive just been talking to dh about this and he said he took ds for first shoes as I was on funny shifts that particular week as far as he can remember. It mustn't have been important to ne otherwise I would have insisted on being there.

I more meant sell you the concept of first shoe milestone. The actual cost was part of the package. Book special appt. Get lots of fuss. Have photo. Shoes come in special ‘first shoes’ box. They sell first shoes as a milestone yes

*According to google they don't even offer the free photo they used to. I guess they don't need to as we all have camera phones.

I can't find any evidence that they've ever charged money for a photo either.

I didnt know it was a thing to take pictures with first proper shoes!! It never occurred to me!

I would have been really upset.

According to google they don't even offer the free photo they used to. I guess they don't need to as we all have camera phones.

I can't find any evidence that they've ever charged money for a photo either.

No not for me but the likes of Clark’s sell you a photo package..
Are you serious?

WTF? Why are you being so weird? I'm stating my opinion. Do you think that everyone is saying they have a monopoly on feelings every time they state what they feel about something? You're making no sense whatsoever.

I don't think your reaction is over the top at all. Some people are more sentimental than others (I'm one of them) and, perhaps slightly differently as I'm disabled, but there are so many things I can't do with the kids that the milestones I can reach with them are so important to me.

Your feelings are valid. Your MIL had her turn and 'firsts' and yes, your husband was there which is great but it could have been booked for when you ALL could have gone, so, at best... it was incredibly thoughtless because it was a milestone that was 'your turn'.

Even if it's never raised with them, I'd make sure for any future milestones that you clearly express that you want to be there. You shouldn't have to expressly state that because you'd assume as child's Mum, that you would be (or at least be extended an invitation!)

It is perfectly acceptable to set clear boundaries that both parents need to be consulted about milestones to prevent it happening again, no matter how excited other family members are.

I couldn’t have cared less

It would have upset me

Also, it clearly is a ‘thing’ - someone thread said they got a Polaroid in a cardboard frame. So it clearly is an event to many.

Have they been happy to take DS and pay for shoes since the first pair OP? If they only wanted to do the first pair then I would be really pissed off as they obviously acknowledge that the first fitting actually is important and a bit of a milestone.

Yes, my mother, my uncle, my brother, my sister, and one of my closest friends have all died of cancer. But that doesn’t give me the monopoly on feelings.

When my sons grow up I will have to remember what's required as a Mil according to MN;

• not take gc to buy shoes
• always be available for baby-sitting
• never ask to have the gc over- just state availability
• never give them sweets or anything deemed to be unhealthy- get detailed list of what is allowed from dil
• don't call too often and never ask your son for anything
• wait a month before you ask if you can see your newborn gc

The list can go on I suppose. Or I can just hope that my sons meet some normal girls. I have to tell Mil that she's bloody lucky to have me as a dil because we've never had any problems. (Yes, I know some mils are horrible and abusive- it's just that it seems impossible for a normal person to meet MN standards...)

I dont really think of it as an important milestone. Id have been pleased MIL paid for the shoes and happy to get a cute picture. I dont think youre unreasonable though if it was something you were looking forward to doing yourself. Id be annoyed with DH if he knew that you felt it was a special milestone that you wanted to do but my H wouldnt have had a clue so I dont think you can be cross if that wasnt communicated to him.

Disappointed maybe. Devastated, no. I didn’t know first shoe fitting was a milestone.

I think it’s easy to say it’s not a big deal when you’re past that stage of life, but at the time, I’d have been pissed

Normality is the barometer. Being devastated over this is well outside the range of normal and is ridiculous. OP should be grateful she has had no reason to actually be devastated. Shall I tell you what's devastating? A cancer diagnosis.

I didn’t even realise people treated it as a ‘milestone’ tbh.

Honestly don’t remember either of mine even getting their first shoes!