To not tell DP about stepdaughter

Thank you. I thought it was just me. What exactly has she done wrong? Let her friend take photos of her with not much on? I think this would be more worrying if the photos were on her phone because of sharing. Unless the "detail" you won't go into involves explicit sex acts I think everyone is overreacting.

I’d speak to SD again and also friend’s mum and ideally friend too, all of you together for cuppa to discuss what happened and the dangers of semi nudes and what can happen. Try to gain an understanding of what really happened. Does father need to know just now as It seems you’re reluctant to tell her father. So possibly his response will not be helpful. Ideally you’re looking to protect SD and all girls rather than to scare them into never telling anyone anything. Young girls need help and support and to understand about the world. Good luck OP

Since when do teens use digital cameras when they have phones? 🤔😉

If I found out my partner kept this from me I would end the relationship. My child’s safety wouldn’t come first and if I couldn’t trust my partner with their safety I wouldn’t have them around.

Kids do this sort of thing. As long as they’re not being shared anywhere I think it’s a natural part of growing up.

How worrying are the photos? Could you talk to her about it without making a big drama with her dad. What can he do that you can’t?? Getting angry might make her more rebellious. I think if there is no other mother figure in her life she needs to feel she can trust and confide in you for any other problems she might face in the future.

Arghhh. Please tell me this thread is genuine and NOT another click bait fake?

Basic safeguarding should kick in. You should most definitely tell her father as a starting point. Do NOT delete the pics.

Your SD might be a victim of something else? The friend's parents, siblings, family friends.

Honestly, the fact that you would even consider putting your need to curry favour above her safety on something as serious as this is astounding.

Tell herm gently, that her father has to be told but you will be there to support her when you both tell him.

Hmmmm can you talk to her 1st? Then explain why you are going to have to tell her Dad?

What @Amba1998said

You need to know if anyone else was taking photographs on other devices.

Your DP should be told and probably so should the other parents of the children at the sleepover.

This isn’t an opportunity for you to bond.

I would take SD for a walk and explain that she will need to tell her dad. More importantly, I’d have an open conversation with her about her sexuality and how she’s feeling. If she’s questioning her sexuality and you think her dad is likely to react very badly, having a male authority figure go nuclear on her isn’t going to help and could be really harmful. She needs support and understanding, whatever she’s working through.

You are in possession of indecent photographs of a child, that is a crime and regardless of the reason you could be charged with an offence and end up on the sex offenders register. That is safeguarding 101! This needs far more serious conversations, nevermind not telling her dad.

What 13 year old would use a Digital Camera, when they have a camera on their phone ?

…and what 13 year old would be naive enough to not delete them? You can’t even see pictures properly on the small screen of a Digital camera.

Had you said “linked cloud account”, it might have been a tiny bit more believable.

You have to tell him, unless you have reason to believe he would hurt her.

If roles were reversed OP and you weren’t told you’d be very angry and potentially end the relationship over it. This is not some means for you to become closer with your stepdaughter, this is serious and the only parent needs to be informed. That’s not you.

Safeguarding best practice would state you need to tell her dad unless telling him would lead him to cause her harm.

I'm a step mum (with parental responsibility) to a teen SD- and I would tell my DH (her dad) in a heartbeat. Not keeping children's secrets is safeguarding101 - although if you think he'll react badly, then maybe you need to discuss together how you're going to deal with sensitive conversations in the future as they come up (& they 100% will).

This is a very good point though. I think you should tell him.

This.

You absolutely need to tell him, hard as it is. I totally understand why you are nervous about the fall out, but you simply must.

All trust will be destroyed when he finds out you knew and said nothing, which he most definitely will. He will never forgive you for keeping something so important from him, and rightly so.

And also, your SD needs to understand the gravity of the situation, and how significant personal photos will be as she grows up.

This is not a minor thing that can be put aside and forgotten about. She needs to understand that even though in her head she is just ‘messing about’, there are serious safeguarding implications that at 13 she simply cannot grasp yet.

It is a crucial lesson for her to learn now as she enters the very dangerous teenage years of nudes, messaging and NO control at all over your own image once it is passed on…...

Reassure her that you understand she has not done this maliciously or with any sort of intent, that she is not in trouble and you are not angry with her, that you are supportive but that she does not yet fully understand the significance of what she has done and her dad has to know. Tell her that as an adult who loves her, you are protecting her, as is your duty.

A good analogy may be that you don’t let their half sibling eat lego/touch the kettle/walk into the road, even when they REALLY want to because you are an adult that can see the dangers that a baby cannot understand yet. This is the same situation - to her, she can’t see the harm but as an adult, you can.

Best of luck.

I would tell her dad and I would also be talking to the other parents as well.

on the one hand, they didn’t use their phones - and having a 14 year old who’s switched to a digital camera - it’s likely because they don’t want them to end up on social media. On the other, it’s a concern - and the other parents might have an incomplete picture of other things and this might be a missing link.

did she explain why exactly she took your camera? That part makes no sense if she has a phone with a camera as I presume she would have no access to picts on your camera or would she have been able to download them? If she’s savvy enough to do stuff like that then she should have known to delete the photos from the camera. It doesn’t make sense. I would tell her father

You need a more detailed talk with her. She made the decision to take your camera. This implies that she didn't want to use her phone and that it was premeditated. That also implies that there was a discussion, plan AND reason to do this.

Whether you tell or not, it can't be left as it is.