to think some people on here have no idea what 16-18 year olds are actually like?

The point of the thread is not all teens do this.

The point is that when someone posts that they are at the end of their rope with teen behaviour, they get smug messages like "well MINE doesnt behave like this" " have you tried turning off the router?" " your should have set firm rules as kids this is obviously a parenting issue".

Thats not what the poster is looking for so to add it to a post feels like salt in the wounds. Like im glad your kid is well behaved, well done, ill put a sticker on your star chart later. But its not helpful. And to give parenting advice on a situation you have not experienced is ridiculous.

Ive never had post partum depression. I wouldn't go on a thread of someone who has and said "have you tried just not being sad?" or " well IVE never felt like that after the birth of my children".

I mean even this thread is ridiculous. Its gone from poor parenting, denying it even happens to attributing the good kids to being raised by Indian parents.

And apparently white people take drugs and irish love the drink. As an Irish person I find that stereotype so offensive, imagine if I came on here and made comments about how another nationality raised their kids. Its ridiculous.

it's ironic that the same people insist on putting all the teens in one box, as if they are not individual people with completely different personalities.

Plenty of teens have just no interest in hanging out and smoking or vaping. It does not even make them "perfect" but some kids are simply busy elsewhere.

It must make people feel better if they delude themselves thinking their kids are the rule instead of a sad exception.

33, 27 and 23.

How can you be reminded of something you haven’t yet been told?

Agree wholeheartedly with this! I joke I trained my son like a dog when he was younger but it’s paying off so far. He’s nearly 15, if he chose to go against my wishes I’d not stand a chance against stopping him.

hes a good kid for the most part and we can have discussions on why x, y or z is not happening and we can see both sides of the argument. He also does not have full control of his phone. It has parental settings on it, if he wants an app he has to ask my consent to download it and it comes to my phone for approval. Ditto his screen time and app limits.

if I say no he knows there is a reason why and a valid reason I rarely say no just because I feel like saying no there is always a justification as to why it’s a no.

i appreciate having 1 child does make things easier as I don’t have sibling dynamics to contend with and he probably does have more freedom than some of his other friends but I’ve been the call he’s made when him and his friends have done something stupid and I’ve gone to get them no questions asked and got them out a sticky situation.

I just hope we can continue the rest of the teenage years the way we are now.

It all started to kick off for mine around 15/16.And we’re talking about teens today. Life was very different back in the 80s and 90s pre phones.

I think every family is different. Mine have now left home, but they were pretty easy teens. We remained close and it was my favourite period.
Yes we had the occasional eye roll but that was it.

What irritates me is when people say ‘lol, you think your kid doesn’t vape or smoke but they are’ etc. I knew my kids and their views on drugs, smoking etc. I generally knew where they were, and their friends etc. So I knew they weren’t vaping. Yet people here claimed that I was naive. Some of us have kids who hang out with friends at home, are a bit nerdy, don’t take drugs or have under age sex. It’s frustrating that people assume they know more.

Anyway, I never took full credit for my kids being ‘well-behaved’. It was partly my husband’s calm genes (all the kids on his side are easy), some boundaries at home, like-minded friends, various privileges, and a whole dollop of luck. I don’t think I was tested that much as a parent of teens really.

It’s also working for me.

But not all teens do these things. My DGD is 15, she has not done any of the things you mention and I know many teens that haven’t also. I didn’t, my DD didn’t. Yes there are teens that do all of the things you say they do, but I think there is more to it than them being teens, surely.

To say that those of us that have not experienced this behaviour in our experience of bringing up teens doesn’t make sense because we have done and do.

When PPs offer this advice it comes from a place of their experience not from a random place of having no idea.

Remind me how old your DC are ?
Anyway out of control is hugely subjective.

I think it is easy to say that if you set clear boundaries then it will be fine.

It is easy to say that you just need to make them go to school but how do you do that when they are bigger and stronger than you.

Also, clear boundaries, we did that with school and then Covid hit and suddenly they were allowed to not go to school. Doesn’t matter the reason behind it as their brain isn’t an adult brain so may not act accordingly.

Teenagers are figuring themselves out and creating a separate identity and yes you do need to set boundaries and provide guidance but they may not necessarily follow and that’s when it’s really tough.

I don't do drugs. Lots of the white people I knew did it and openly admitted to it and made it seem like they were cool.

I just think its a case of “there but for the grace of God go I.” Anyone who has had the good fortune not to have had a child with mental health issues, challenging behaviour or whatever else should have the humility and self awareness to recognise that they are blessed. I have two close friends going through different flavours of this with their teenage daughters now and its utterly terrifying. These are good people doing their best.

So much of this is down to luck. Boundaries, rules, demanding respect are a baseline. They are not a lucky charm and they won’t make a disturbed child well or an angry child happy.

I would never dream of dispensing sanctimony on someone going through something so difficult.

if you wait until their 16th birthday to make rules, you will struggle that's the point.

I am very lucky to have an absolutely lovely 16-year-old 🥰 who is kind, sweet, hard-working, bubbly, sporty and has never even touched alcohol or cigarettes let alone drugs.

However, that's just pure luck as far as I'm concerned. If she was out of control what realistically could I do to stop her? You can't lock them up or physically stop them from doing anything.

Lol

As a 16-18 year old I agree with this thread.

Anorexia, OCD, CPTSD, self harm, suicidal idealisation, severe anxiety, depression etc are not “learned behaviors, habitual, purposeful, tailored to obtain something or remove something.”

They are deeply difficult conditions for families and children to manage. I wouldn’t wish any of them on anybody.

that's what your title some people on here have no idea what 16-18 year olds are actually like?
comes across

Teenagers I know can be goofy, incredibly funny, bright, driven, frustrating, interesting, with fascinating points of view, self centred, know it all, argumentative, with extraordinary lack of common sense, and the strongest willpower but an absolute pleasure to have around . They're just young people, not always easy to manage, but nowhere near your description.

Hmmmmm

Im also often amazed that so many people cite 'MH problems' for kids behaving badly. They're not necessarily mentally ill, with a mental health disorder

So much 'mental health' difficulties are just behavioural, they're learned behaviors, habitual, purposeful, tailored to obtain something or remove something.