to think some people on here have no idea what 16-18 year olds are actually like?

Or the ‘he needs to move out’ brigade. Yes he’ll magically find a job when he’s homeless and then will return home to thank you for helping him be independent while you have your precious boundaries in place.

Then your 'AIBU' should've been about how 'just make them,' is a silly suggestion to make for teens who refuse to comply.

I feel like you've muddied the issue as you've made multiple statements saying that people who parent differently and/or don't have those issues, just don't understand teens. But maybe the suggestions they give do work for their teenagers, and that's why they're giving them.

I mean, I could just take my children's devices, or ground them, and as we live rurally, they can't drive yet, and don't have friends whose parents would let them crash at theirs indefinitely, they would just have to accept it. I don't parent that way, but as I know I could do it, I find it easier to imagine other parents might too.

I do understand what you're saying about smugness, though. When people say 'just do x' they don't tend to realise it's not always that simple. I don't think that's about not understanding teens though, I think it's just general inability to grasp how different someone's situation might be to their own.

OP I wouldn’t bother engaging with people who are absolutely committed to misunderstanding you.

Your original post was very clear and all subsequent posts also. Some are being obtuse for reasons only they understand.

That wasn’t a passive aggressive post. Sweet or otherwise. The fact you think it was explains your difficulty with comprehension.

the OP clearly wasn’t stating all teenagers are feral. She was pretty explicit. To support your obtuse interpretation that she was making claims regarding all children, you misquoted her. It’s boring and tedious.

Engage with the substance of the thread or don’t, but coming on a thread where an OP is venting about ridiculous advice on parenting to pick holes and say “not all teens are like that” is the equivalent of turning up on a “I’m struggling with my parent who has dementia” and saying well most old people don’t have dementia or on a “my toddler won’t sleep” and saying well not all toddlers sleep badly.

those responses may be technically true, but they’re completely irrelevant to the point being made.

Not sure about that theory.

When teenage hormones storm in through the door, common sense and good manners often fly out of the window. 😳

Luckily, most come out the other side as lovely, productive adults. 👍

I feel fortunate in that my teens don’t act out, I’m lucky but I (touch wood) haven’t had to deal with any bollocks from them. They’re well behaved in school and at home and don’t cause much hassle whatsoever. Certainly wouldn’t be out on street corners causing trouble.

It’s nature v nurture I guess. I was a nightmare teen in comparison- skiving school, shoplifting for fun, drinking from 14, smoking etc. No drugs thankfully. My childhood was horrible and I was doing this to escape it in some way I guess. Not the case for all teens who act out but I’d imagine a large proportion are unhappy.

Which is kind of bonkers.

Ignoring the advice of parents that seem to be doing something right seems a little short-sighted. Having said that, by the point they are teens, it may be too late for that advice to be as helpful as it could have been. And it's not always about the parenting. There are obviously external factors that parents can't control.

I'm not saying I was a perfect parent. I got things wrong (and apologised when I did). And I'm not saying what I did would work for every family.

But instantly dismissing other people's experiences without even considering a different approach? You can lead a horse to water.

I have been one of those posters about a wayward teen. Have been at the end of my tether. Most unhelpful advice has been “kick them out”, “I wouldn’t allow that in my house” etc… Never ever would I make a teen leave home as that is really going to escalate their problems. I did get some good advice. A couple of years down the line, we are through that terrible period and I have my lovely daughter back! I consider myself a pretty ok parent - supportive, take no nonsense and expect respectful behaviour. If you have never been through impossibly difficult times with your teens, it is hard to imagine and give helpful advice !

I'm sure there are exceptions, but I've mainly seen replies like that (apart from the odd one-off) in cases where the poster has also indicated that the teen is quite dependent on the parent(s) financially and in terms of things like being taken places, having cooking, laundry, household chores done for them, getting help and advice on basic life stuff, etc. I see it less in cases where the poster has said up front that the teen is genuinely independent and has their own money/transportation/support/other place to stay or is getting this from the other, possibly uncooperative, parent.

Yes

I have a 16 year old
and the op and others seem to think my advice is null and void simply because it doesn’t fit in with their experience of parenting teens

I only know what parenting my teenagers was like.

Genuinely my favourite age to parent them. If I had to repeat an age to parent them, that would be the age.

I didn't have to deal with the kind of behaviour that would lead to the type of actions outlined in the OP.

So I'm not sure where you would think I sit in terms of the scale of knowing what teenagers are like to not knowing what they are like.

"[AIBU] to think some people on here have no idea what 16-18 year olds are actually like?"
"I’ve noticed that some posters on here seem to have no idea what parenting an older teenager is actually like."
"It makes me wonder whether these people have actually parented an older teen."

Here, in your OP, and in your follow-up comments so far (I haven't read the full thread), you seem to be implying a blanket ‘teens are like x’ - difficult, rebellious, impossible – and that anyone who thinks differently must have ‘never parented teens’.

When people have said ‘my teens aren’t like that’, or ‘I think the key is doing x from when they’re very young’ they’ve got very dismissive, sarcastic sounding responses from you.

So yes, YABU. A lot of the time, parents who give advice that you scoff at will be parents of teens, and they find the things that they suggest do work…for their teens. Obviously, everyone is different, so what works for one person’s children won’t work for another, but that doesn’t mean they’re ignorant on what it’s like to parent teens. They just haven’t parented yours.

As a parent of older teens, I've found it pretty smooth sailing in terms of my children’s behaviour. Much easier than when they were younger. They’re sensible, helpful, and generally do what they’re supposed to – a gentle ‘scolding’ in the form of an open dialogue with some compromises offered if needful usually makes them feel bad for causing issues, and/or realise it’s for the best to comply. So my suggestions would probably revolve around good channels of communications, occasional compromise, and trying to create a collaborative dynamic instead of a combative one.

Perhaps your post would be more accurate if it said ‘most people have no idea what it’s like to parent chronically uncooperative, misbehaving teens’.

I taught secondary and have a teen and was a wayward teen myself.
It is the nature of youth to test boundaries and make their own way in the world and part of that is doing the exact opposite of what mum, dad and society want you to do.
Is vaping/ smoking, drinking clubbing and cannabis " going off the rails?" No...it's experimenting.
Unless cannabis leads to harder drugs and mh problems. I hate weed btw ..but i only found out why after trying it as a teen..Dd hates it too after trying it.
Nowadays we also have socoals and trans stuff to contend with.

All this nonsense about if you patent well your child wont go off the rails... yeah right!
Lol.

@SnipSnipMrBurgess

Ive never had post partum depression. I wouldn't go on a thread of someone who has and said "have you tried just not being sad?" or " well IVE never felt like that after the birth of my children

Well said. There’s an edge of real sadism to telling someone with an unhappy child that its their fault.

Exactly, so it doesn’t matter a jot that their parents happen to be Indian 🤷‍♀️

I know what you mean OP. The one that winds me up the most is when a poster says smugly, "Actions have consequences."

Very true. If they get in with the wrong crowd there is little that can be done. My teen is very into sports, spends a lot of time with similar sporty kids who are mainly into clean living and competing. That makes a huge difference.

I think the peer group has a lot to do with it. I know one family with a child who never put a foot wrong. Dream teenager. Sibling was creative and was 'staying the night with friends', where all sorts of things were got up to.

I know at least two families with 5-6 children. All were great as teens but both families had issues with just one of the children.

Parents can only do so much.