Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective and a sanity check on a situation with my 6yo son's father.
For context, he is not an involved parent. He picks and chooses when he wants to see our son. He has never taken him to school or nursery, has never attended a single parents' evening, and doesn't show up for school events.
Today, he called to speak to our son. During the call, he told our 6yo that he wants to take him to the cinema to see the new Spider-Man movie after we get back from our upcoming holiday. He then explicitly instructed our 6yo to "remember what to say" to me to let me know these plans are happening.
I was sitting right next to the phone and heard this. I immediately stepped in and told him that our 6-year-old is not a messenger and will not be put in the middle of adult logistics. The dad shouted "don't speak to me" and slammed the phone down.
Since then, he has spam-called my phone 12 times. He sent an aggressive text claiming that he is the one setting a boundary by refusing to speak to me, and accused me of stopping our son from seeing him because I won't answer the phone.
I texted him back very clearly, saying that if he wants to take our son out, he needs to text me the exact date, start time, and pick-up details in writing so I can check the calendar. I told him I will not handle this over the phone. He replied saying: "So you're going to stop him from seeing me because I won't speak to you?" He refuses to text the details and just keeps ringing.
To make matters worse, a few days ago I confronted him about how he sexually coerced me when we were in a relationship. He completely dismissed my feelings and told me what I said was "disgusting." I feel like this relentless calling and twisting the narrative today is a massive power trip and reaction to that. He has also previously insulted me for accepting a caravan holiday invitation from his dad's partner, calling it a "pity handout" and telling me I should be ashamed that I can't provide a proper holiday myself.
I have now put my phone on Do Not Disturb because his behaviour makes me incredibly uncomfortable. In the past, when I've let him into my house to see our son, he has repeatedly touched me, made sexual jokes, and commented on my body after being told to stop.
Am I being unreasonable for refusing to answer his calls and standing firm that if he doesn't text me the basic details, our son simply isn't going? How do I handle the guilt and the inevitable blame that I am "withholding" our son?