I told my family that I refuse to make more than two meals at our weekly family dinner...AIBU?

No it isn't

The parents can bring the N's food

OP and her H are doing more than enough

Do people really want to have every Sunday tied up in this way? Probably after working all week and at least part of the weekend has to be spent catching up on chores. I’d find it suffocating

So maybe have that in mind - does it have to be every single week, year in and year out?

That is so bananas. It's rude for guests to expect restrictive diets to be honored especially when it's unreasonable due to the sheer number of people. We teach others how to treat us and you don't need to teach them that you'll stress so they get free food!

Totally reasonable! I would try to accommodate belief based, vegan and vegetarian, medically mandated so maybe low fat. Preferences they can work round. So do as you are proposing this time, one meat and one vegan, obviously lots of veg. Kids I would probably be happy to work with parents to try to find a brand of nuggets/chips etc they accept. Lots of bread to fill up on, others bring deserts.
That is quite enough juggling of oven space, trying to coordinate when everything is ready.
Maybe it is time to stop this being an every week event. If that isn’t an option maybe assign family groups to certain things, two people bring puds every week, two bring the drinks, two do sides. Maybe the vegan does the vegan main. You do the meat main and you do a rough menu early in the week. That way nobody is contributing financially to you and therefore thinking they can dictate.

Plus over the 10yrs the amount of people has grown - didn’t used to be kids fussy or not -

how many people are you cooking for ?

YaNBU no way wouldn’t be doing prep and cooking that many different meals once, let alone on a regular basis. Others have great suggestions - but also do you want to meet every week? Does no one go out and do stuff like a picnic or a walk or the beach in a Sunday? If you do actually want to meet I’d suggest all meeting a park and everyone bringing their own picnic. Whilst everything is catered it’s easy for them, but I think they probably would drop off if they actually have to do some work rather than just pay.

Text your mum back and tell her that doing this for all those years was her choice, but it’s not yours. There is no reason why you have to put yourself though this stress every week and even if the family are contributing towards the cost, it doesn’t take the work out of it. I’d be suggesting a rota so that everyone gets a taste of the hard work involved - things will soon change.

Yes your dm was quick enough with her comments
stick to your guns

She said that I am being being an impolite host, and that it is rude to invite the whole family over whilst not being willing to accomodate everybody's food preferences.

"You know what, Mum, actually I think I've had enough of this. Going to take a break from hosting for a couple of months and see how things go."

My DM said that she managed to make multiple different meals every Sunday for 10 years, which means I should be able to make different meals too.

"Yes, well, we are different people, Mum."

Most vegetarians and vegans that I know hate processed veggie mince, and if it’s quorn a lot of people can’t digest it properly and get horrible upset stomachs, it’s not something I would ever eat and I’m as easy going a veggie as you could hope to find.

Hell no, you are not being unreasonable.
I think your message to the group was perfectly fine. I often do the same for big groups, a main meat dish and then a vegan version too.
I would not be cooking multiple meals every single week. I know you said they contribute, but it’s the time involved too. The planning, shopping, cooking for multi meals would take up most of the day!
Nope, no and nope!

I would actually appreciate the veggie mince! Vegetarian/vegan doesn't mean just wanting to eat pulses and vegetables... some of us want protein too!

Your mother is trying to control things that are not her business to control. Just because she did this doesn’t mean you have to.

You’ve been perfectly reasonable and anyone who doesn’t like it can as you say bring their own meal, or if they don’t like it they can choose not to come.

Your mum was doing all that without being responsible for young children, a very different matter to you and your husband's situation.

Plus, you don't want to. Which is fair enough.

Pot luck, rota, or give up hosting the weekly dinner entirely ... make it clear those are the only options you're willing to engage in at this point.

When we have family meet ups (around 3 times a year) everyone brings a dish. In your situation I would do this. Assign some people to a main (specify meat or vegan), some to a side, others to a dessert. Whatever they bring should be something their own household members would be happy to eat. Just because you have the biggest house shouldn't mean the catering burden falls to you as well as providing thr venue

Your text was perfect.
If I was the parent of a kid who wasn't going to eat the host's meal, I'd bring their food. In fact, i do this all the time thanks to allergies. Not the host's problem.

That sounds like an insane amount of work, I’m not surprised you’ve had enough!
If we have everyone over I do a meal that everyone will eat most of ie a vegetable curry, rice, flat breads and then chuck in a few jacket potatoes.
The ones that won’t have the rice have the curry with the jacket potato, others have the curry with rice, the kids will have jacket potatoes with cheese and salad.
Or I do a big veggie chilli, fairly mild and people can add then own hot sauce, I put gluten free pasta on the table, rice and tortilla chips etc and everyone combines whichever combination works for them.
The meat eaters have never moaned that it’s always usually vegetarian, I’m not a massive meat eater anyway so I find making the main meal vegetarian easier than making two different mains.
Occasionally I do a roast with only the joint of meat and then the veggie will load up a plate with everything except the meat.
Stick with the 2 meals if you find that manageable, don’t feel bad! You’re not a terrible host, people can always bring along food if they want to, I’m guessing it’s the spending time together that’s important rather then 10 different dishes!

If this was a one off, or if everyone took turns, I'd say maybe you should be more flexible. But you do all the work, all the time, paying out all the money? No. They should be taking it in turns to host or at least bringing stuff.

I think what you’ve suggested is absolutely fine!! Two meals for that many people is probably a lot as it is!! Does the whole of Sunday get taken up with this meal?? I can imagine the prep, the meal itself and then lingering would take the whole day??

Assuming you want to meet every week, I'd rotate between

Wk 1 - at yours, everyone brings a dish. If they bring dessert they can bring a main that suits their family too.

Wk 2 - at your Mum's

Wk 3 - buffet type set up

Wk 4 - restaurant

Demanding much?

Omg I would not be doing this every Sunday and certainly not making all those different meals.
If your mum was happy to host this way then thats good for her she obviously loved hosting .. this is far too much of a commitment every Sunday stop this x

Here’s an idea….. Other members of the family take it in turn to plan and execute the cooking in your kitchen, since you have the space to host. Then they can see just how challenging it is to produce something which meets everyone’s needs and preferences without cooking six completely separate meals.

What would be good would be if you ended up with a team of 2 or 3 cooking a range of dishes which, between them, will meet everyone’s needs bit without the same person being burdened with it every week.

I would order pizzas and send them all a tikkie....

Yanbu!

I can't abide fussy eaters. My sil used to declare she was gluten free randomly but then still get mcdonalds breakfasts. She also only ate variations of egg based meals for a month- that was fun.

Your mother didn't do all this cooking and hosting with 2 small children I'm guessing- completely different situation!

Easy enough for the nephews parents to bring leftovers or batch cook the day before.

Think it's shocking no one replied to your message offering to take turns or all bring a dish.