I told my family that I refuse to make more than two meals at our weekly family dinner...AIBU?

Also just to add that one meal and a vegan version of that meal isn’t much choice for everyone! Could do make the vegan meal a bit more different so it caters to more options? Eg normal shepherds pie and then vegan chilli

On principle I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, but is there a compromise somewhere? I’m not the fussiest eater in the world but even I don’t like shepherds pie!

Could you (for example) just do some oven chips and chicken nuggets for the fussy eaters? Or some oven pizzas etc? Something that isn’t really ‘cooking’ that can easily go in the oven or air fryer?

I don’t blame you for being stressed !.
If people aren’t happy with a choice of two dishes , well then they need to bring their own , simple as 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I wouldnt host every Sunday in the first place tbh but your proposal is absolutely fine.

Those on a diet can cope for a day and save the calories elsewhere. Stick a frozen pizza in or whatever in for the picky eaters and ask the parents to help dish it up.

Youd be cooking and faffing about all day otherwise which is ridiculous.

@UsernameHoarder

not fair for the children to have jar sauce

Almost every week? My friend had this and hated going every week. I would refuse and am sociable but do people not see friends ever or want to just have time with their partners? My MIL did say that her brother and his wife did this because they actually hated just being together. It’s one of the few wise things she said. It’s all a bit Eastenders.

This! Protect your mental health and well being. Everyone brings a dish and have a buffet style meal. It will save you so much headache! Not to mention the cost of buying all of the different ingredients xx

How did it go yesterday? Did everyone enjoy your shepherds pies or bring something of their own? Did your mum make passive aggressive comments all day thanking you for all the work you put in??

I think I'd try and cook smart.

You're making cottage pie. So could you make a tray of wedges to cook at the same time? You already have potatoes that you're preparing, doing 6/8 as wedges for the kids wouldn't be too tricky. Then, if you're doing minced meat for the base of the pie could you make some meatballs for the kids? And serve the kids jar sauce, meatballs and wedges? The only extra thing is the jar sauce and a pan on the hob to fry them off?

Of course. This is if the kids will eat that!

What other dishes do you want to make and we could think about how to use the same components to make a slight variation?

Or is that too much like cooking different meals?

Pulses contain protein, and are probably healthier than veggie mince, which is often really processed.

Of course it’s a joke!

it sounds like such a lot of work and very prohibitive… like everything else you do on a weekend - going with with the kids, adult socialising with friends, housework, gym, etc etc all has to be squeezed into a Saturday.

it’s a lot , OP @waterbottle1988

Sounds like a nightmare - especially if you are doing this on a weekly basis. Stick to your guns or suggest a Jacob's join or rotate venue.

It always seems to be like this with vegans (although, yes, I know - not all vegans). Everybody else has to change just to fit in with their beliefs - it's never the other way round.

Incidentally, I've also been surprised how many posters have mentioned something similar to "charcuterie boards".

I had absolutely no idea what that was so had to google it - it seems to be just cold ham. That seems just weird, instead of a cooked meal you are suggesting bringing some ham?

If a person who was vegan invited me to dinner at their home I would fully expect the meal to be vegan and would accept the invitation with full knowledge of that.

But the OP isn't vegan (and neither are the majority of the guests - the OP mentions one vegetarian and one vegan). The OP and the majority of her guests should not be forced to eat vegan food just because two of the guests do not eat meat.

I really do hope this is a joke comment, as a pp said.

OP is already giving up half her family time with her own kids to do this, and you think she should do even more on the Saturday (as well as the shopping & planning etc). Then assuming with small children she could get up even earlier on a Sunday to do even more prep.

That sounds like absolutely purgatory. Don’t be tied in to this every week it’s insane! Take your own family out for a walk and an Italian meal next week!!

@waterbottle1988

I love the fact the family get together regularly for a meal, that’s a special thing that most families do not do these days. Love it!

Absolutely find a way to make it less work!! You’re in a different life stage to the mothers.

Everyone bring a dish? Mum cooks it and you provide the venue?

Good luck! Enjoy!

Every Sunday?

That’s a huge commitment.

Tbh, I do think refusing ro cook for the autistic kids is a bit off, hotter complicated this meal is that they eat? Do they have nuggets and chips or is it Lievere a la Royale with a comsomme of crab?
But then also doing that every Sunday is exhausting and it's madness to sign up for this. Do you never go anywhere on Sundays?

She explained they all chip in and also bring desserts, but ok...

What a commitment, l wouldn't have agreed to this, ever. Can the family all have a turn, why is it you every week? I would find it restricting, as Sundays are always booked, you can't take the dc to the beach, or park etc,because you have to cook. Rest of the family are having a great time, being fed every week, for free, no wonder no one else has offered. Put your foot down now, or you will regret it

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. Anyone who suggests you spend Sunday cooking multiple meals is mad. The tricky thing is how to solve the problem! I’d possibly go for a set carb- rice or a jacket potato and then ask people to bring a few options to accompany it- eg: veggi chilli, beans/cheese/tuna, salad etc. So people can share your workload. It would help them appreciate the effort required in hosting more too.

We have regular family dinners which I love, and we all bring a dish, if it’s starters or dessert, to help the host. This idea of catering to every person’s every whim is ridiculous. By all means provide the place to meet, but make it so that you actually get to spend time with your family while they’re in your house.

It sounds like they want you to make 6 or 8 meals. I think 2 meals that are basically the same thing, is too little for a big family like yours, but 6 is too many. Also, how complicated are the meals for the children? It's a big difference between having to make mac and cheese for one, homemade pizza for another, and chicken nuggets for a third, vs just making chicken nuggets for all the kids and shepherds pie for all the adults.

If this were me, I would probably ask the family to sit down and agree on something manageable, and I would also expect others to put in some effort too. It's nice that your mum was willing to host for ten years but she's your mum. You are not the mum of your siblings nor are you the mum of your nieces and nephews. Their mums (and dads) should be putting in some effort to ensure this family meal (that they all want to continue) continues to be sustainable.

As it stands, you are accommodating the vegans and the meat eaters but not the kids who have autism. To me, what sounds sustainable is a vegan shepherds pie for everyone. Both the vegan and meat eating adults should be able to eat that. If you have subgroups that can't eat one or other ingredient because of their diets (e.g. people eating low fat), then you modify the vegan shepherds pie to meet those requirements. Low fat, vegan, shepherds pie. You don't like it? Bring your own! That frees you up to make one more thing, so maybe you could make something kid-friendly for the picky kids. Mac and cheese? Homemade pizza? One of those. And finally, for the kids who have autism, something frozen that you can chuck in the oven that is the brand and type they like.

The people who like meat could maybe bring a cold salad with grilled chicken in it or something.

Dessert is easy. They just pick up a cheesecake from the store. If that's all they're bringing, they definitely have room in their "effort box" to bring a salad that several people will like.

All of them should be willing to be a bit flexible here.

I know your are not going to do this OP, but just saying "I'm not doing this anymore folks, enjoy your weekend!" would have your mum raging and everyone else declaring you their hero, their weekends no longer being dictated by this nonsense. Especially the DIL/S whose parents have to sacrifice any Sunday for this farce.

As a vegan, I think a good vegan meal is exactly swapping the mince 😂