I told my family that I refuse to make more than two meals at our weekly family dinner...AIBU?

Expecting one person to give up a hefty chunk of every weekend to cook so many meals for such a big family is insane. The fact that your mother was nutty enough to allow it certainly is no reason to impose the obligation on you. I'd suggest cutting back to once a month and yes, absolutely food choices need to be limited to two maximum.

I would accommodate autistic nephews needs. Surely chicken and chips or pizza in oven is not too much additional work. If there are other kids that would also prefer that then fine.

Good grief, what do you provide? Five loaves and two fishes?

I admire you OP. I couldn't cope with this number once a year at Christmas, let alone every week.

could your mum do the cooking but at your house?
you’re providing the space, she provides the cooking effort, or you do the main meal and she deals with the variations

Do a buffet, a nut roast, a roast chicken then a load of vegestables. We do this for large meals at our house. Take it or leave it. Also request everyone brings a dish could be an option. That level of fussiness is ridiculous. Your mother didn’t have to do all those meals, she chose to. I suspect she is sorried the family meal will fizzle out and it’s probably the highlight of her week. Can you text your siblings etc separately to say it’s too much and see if they would be willing to each bring a dish to help this tradition to continue?

If this essentially means you’re not cooking for your nephews anymore, it seems a bit mean.

YA most definitely NBU!

who is paying for all this?! You can host if they all bring food to share - that’s an insane level of commitment and time/money cost each week as well as hosting /cleaning up etc

Im the default family get together host since DPs passed away years ago and spend far too much money on family who I don’t think appreciate how much work and effort goes into hosting! My DC helped clean before and after each occasion while family members swanned off home after being a bottle or one small dish to contribute!

I understand the difference. But it’s still not okay.

Also, as a veggie of 30+ years… lose the veggie mince…. This is not catering for V/VG

They all sound very hard work. If people object, I’d start doing it as a pot-luck instead .

If you enjoy the day together then turn it into a bring & share every week.
With high summer now is a good time to swap from shepherd's pie, lasagna etc...and it will possibly help autistic nephews be exposed to new foods

I don't think you are unreasonable, but I would probably do multi part meals rather than shepherds pie. Like a roast / vegan roast with toasties, mash, pigs in blankets, Yorkshire's, veg.

That way even the fussiest can grab something

Time to change DM's dinner plan. What worked for her when her kids were grown doesn't work for a busy young family.

It's a restaurant meal twice a month or the meetups stop. Knocking yourself out for a full day making multiple meals for people following so many different diets and picky eaters is too much of a time sink for someone with a busy family and young kids. It's time to do your own family activities instead of catering multiple meals for people who don't return the favour by doing things like bringing over food or coming early to help prep. That's half your kids' weekend used up right there.

Give DM your kitchen every Sunday. Let her host it at yours. Not your circus, not your monkeys

I voted YABU.

One option should include something child/ autism friendly. This is not a preference, and is awful to leave them uncatered for. Shepherds pie is never going to be sensory friendly.

Also, a good vegan/ vegetarian option is not just swapping the mince. 😬

YANBU about not being unhappy to do all the work yourself. Your home may be the location for the family get togethers but others can prep/ cook on a rota or bring food they’ve cooked at home.

Siblings are family but it's a different relationship. It's fairly common for granny to cook for her kids and grandkids.
It's more unusual for granny to cook for her sisters and brothers.
Where would it all end.
As a teenager I could think of much better things to be doing on a Sunday than sitting down to dinner in my aunts house

No but if your mother thinks its fine to cook 10 meals, get her to do it. Surely there are basic dishes suitable for all like rice salad. Then fruit for dessert. I dread to think of all the washing up that creates.E v en with a dishwasher its a mission. No most if them on diets whatever retaking the piss. If your mother wants to come over to do it get her to 'show you how easy it all is'. But still never do it

remind your mum she asked you to host and you took that role on. Now it’s becoming a struggle so you’re happy to look at other solutions to this issue

It’s about all getting together and the food doesn’t make a difference. Why don’t you turn it into a ‘bring a plate’. A few bring savoury things for a buffet, a couple bring dessert. A couple bring drinks. Those with fussy eater kids bring their food. That way you all only make one dish each time and every now and again you get the easy time of getting the drinks.

Also, you could make the food all vegan/vegie. Anna Jones and Sarah Brittain cookbooks are brilliant. Really delicious food that everyone loves.

Make it a potluck. Everyone brings a dish, or three, depending on family size, rotating through mains and sides. The ones with fussy eaters can make their dishes accordingly. Sorted. It’s a lovely way to organise a meal. Everyone gets to try new things (maybe not the fussy ones). And there is less on you.

Frankly, I would not have accommodated fussiness to begin with. Vegetarian/vegan, yes. Everyone else can eat whatever beige food is to hand or bring their own. My kids don’t like everything. Sometimes they just eat chips or potatoes. Fine. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d never expect anyone to cook them something special.

It's fine for you to just say 'I appreciate how you feel mum but this is what we've decided and we think it's reasonable' and leave it at that. Anyone who has a problem with it can either not come, or host it themselves. I wouldn't be faffing around like that for anyone and I wouldn't want to host all the family every Sunday. As your children get older, they will have activities and parties and want to see their friends too. I would be wary of getting locked in to an arrangement that the rest of the family will then expect every week!

Well she can go back to hosting then can’t she.

Youre a fucking saint to even contemplate this once a month, never mind weekly. It’s like doing a complicated Christmas every fucking week. No way on earth would I have agreed to that.

Id be looking to reduce it to fortnightly at first so you can have a Sunday with your kids yourselves then go monthly.

If they don’t like it, someone else is very able to take a turn.

They sound like leeches. I hope they contribute towards the costs too?

Acknowledge that your mother did an amazing job for 10 years but say that you can't carry on the same way. You like hosting the family dinner but with 2 young DC you and your DH don't want to spend so much time preparing multiple meals. Perhaps your mum would like to bring some dishes every week to accommodate some of the 'preferences', if she thinks it's so easy to do. I don't think you're rude to tell people in advance what you're planning to cook.

OMG, yes, this! Its so true. We've not really noticed how this has crept up on us over the last 30-odd years. I think back to when I got married in 1980 and we used to have friends and family round for meals, or went to them. Nobody ever, ever put in requests. You ate what arrived on the table and as a veggie myself, I just used to swerve the meat and say no to the gravy.

I'd tell your family you'll host once a month. This shouldn't all be on you. I appreciate you have the biggest space, but your mum did it previously, so really there should be no issue.

I think others in your family need to step up if this is going to continue, as you are going to end up feeling resentful if not.