AIBU to be hurt by my husbands actions even though his son is sick?

I think your Mum has suggested staying because you will look bad if you leave your husband whilst his son is so ill.

Leave him and make sure those that matter know why (due to him being unfaithful). You don’t need to go wildly public about it.

I would be asking him to leave if I were you, it’s very sad about his DS but that doesn’t mean he’s allowed to cheat!
If he left then he would be free to support his DS and Ex as much as he wants

Of course you need to leave. I hope you find happiness elsewhere and the little boy recovers.

Does everyone who says you’re being selfish know that he cheated on you with her? I would make sure that they do. Also he’s not for you. This is how it will always be

This, i am so sorry he did this to you.

Oh gosh what a horrible situation. I totally understand his need to help out and also can kind of see why this might bond them - they are the only two people who can understand what this awful diagnosis feels like. But it doesn’t give them an excuse to sleep together not once but twice. 5 years isn’t all that long to be remarried again after a break up. I’d be questioning if he was ever really over her.

Yes, I think you need to walk away for your own sanity. Let them support each other in whatever way they need to but you don’t be a part of it.

Your husband is going to need to have contact with his ex wife, due to having a child together. They both now have a very unwell little boy, so will have no choice but see each other. You can't stop your husband from having contact with his ex wife, that's unrealistic, given the circumstances.

Your husband can be supportive of his son and ex without jumping into bed with her. He's chosen to have sex with his ex twice, both times he made a choice to do so. His ex didn't hold a gun to his head or force him to have sex with her, he made that decision. Yes, I understand that emotions are heightened for both of them due to their son's illness, but that's absolutely no excuse to cheat.

My ex partner cheated on me whilst I lay in ICU fighting for my life after contracting bacterial meningitis and septicemia. It's a betrayal that I could never forgive or forget.

If your family are aware your husband has cheated twice on you with his ex, since his son has been diagnosed, and are telling you to stay with him, they are insane. Why should you put up with being treated like this??? Your husband's son's diagnosis doesn't give him a blank card to treat you like shit, and them making excuses for your husband, makes your family just as bad.

He’s a cheating bastard and his behaviour is appalling

end it now

I don't know why your mother's standards are so low, but yours don't have to be.

Get yourself tested for STDs as I doubt this prince among men was careful. And kick the cheating swine out of your life asap.

You should split up because although I can understand why you don't want him to have contact with her that is impossible currently because their son is seriously ill. Of course he needs to see her for their child's sake.

This. Doing it was bad enough, to then try and use DSS illness as an excuse and turn it on you OP is beyond ridiculous. I was so distressed and distraught I got an erection I had to scratch. Fxxx off. He and her deserve each other. I’m glad your leaving OP. He doesn’t deserve you. Your Mum needs to know the whole story and should be on your side.

I agree. I'm sorry you are going through this OP and I'm glad you are leaving.

What on earth does your mother have to do with your marriage?! Ignore her. You can’t trust him, why the heck would you stay?

Same but my mother would definitely have given me that advice. Some mothers don't actually have their own daughter's best interests at heart sadly.

THis is your marriage and your choice to make. You mum has no say in the matter.

I’m very sorry that your DSS has leukaemia. I understand your husband helping his ex out with lifts to hospital etc BUT no I don’t understand why that means it’s ok to sleep with his ex - it’s not ok and it’s not understandable

This is not ok. OP your DSS diagnosis is awful. That doesn’t give your DH the right to have sex with his ex. Twice at least, but lets face it, it’s likely more. They weren’t thinking of their son when shagging each other so don’t let them turn it on you. You’re not being selfish to say this is not ok. If it was me I’d of packed a bag, and got a new phone never to look back. You get what you settle for and they’re the ones in the wrong here.

I wonder why his first marriage ended in divorce.

If you were to forgive the fucking his ex behind your back, then I think you would be perfectly reasonable to say he can’t be around his ex in the sense of taking her shopping, to work, to the hospital. Her not driving is not his problem. It’s not going to affect his son’s cancer treatment because the hospital should be giving the kid transport and that usually includes transport for a parent if it’s a minor. He can visit his son in hospital or at arranged visits like any other divorced dad.

Awful selfish man

So what are your circumstances, do you own or rent, are you financially secure on your own, all those things need to be sorted, along with gathering your documents, and all that stuff. I hope you will leave and start a new life for yourself. And you know the reasons why now.

Don't say anything more to your mother other than yes/no. Do the right thing for you, not for the neighbours of your mother. That's what she's thinking about I bet, not you.

100% you are. He's cheated not once, but twice. Once you could maybe put down to a lapse of thought, an emotional time etc etc, but twice?

I couldn't ever trust him again.

Mitigating circumstances are a thing but he should have been so mortified after the first fuck up that round 2 should not have even been a mere spark of thought in his head.

ywbu to stop him being around her. ywbu to still be in a relationship with him. break up with the cheater and let him sleepwith who he wants

Using the circumstances of a very sick child to get a quick shag is disgusting! I could never forgive him OP!

Chiming in with leave him. Divorce now. He is committing adultery and he is so selfish he is even weaponising his own sons cancer to get you to think it’s ok because he’s in emotional pain. What an utter bastard.