AIBU to be hurt by my husbands actions even though his son is sick?

I get things are tricky for him at the moment but no. You don’t have to tolerate this. Who worries about their kid and then jumps in bed with someone?

Start making a get out plan. It’s a year old marriage. If he’s behaving like this now- what about the next time it’s a crisis?

I was Team ex-wife on account of the Leukaemia - until I read that they slept together TWICE while he's been married to you. Wtf?

They're having sex because they want to. Nothing to do with the poor boy having Leukaemia.

This is a very hard situation - he and her are clearly going through absolute hell as parents BUT there is zero and I mean zero excuse for betrayal… I honestly don’t think your marriage can recover from something like this. Especially in the context. Has he given any reason why he thinks this has happened? Not to justify it from your perspective but his answer would at least offer you some sort of closure eg it was an error of judgement, felt sorry for her, still love her, etc etc. I can imagine many possible reasons so I’d want to hear why he thought this had happened. I wouldn’t be able to forgive. Hugs to you op xxxx

I voted YANBU, in the sense that he cheated on you so YANBU to not want him to see his ex.

However, their child is very sick and their priority is caring for him. I think your marriage is over tbh.

YABU for staying in this relationship.

I am not downplaying what OP has been through and she should not have to swallow her emotions.

However, I think if the post was “ my son has leukaemia and could die and in the midst of my grief I cheated on my husband and slept with my sons dad “ the replies would be a lot more sympathetic

Its devastating their son is this poorly he is so young.
The fact you were only married a year ago and they have been thrown back together this way is so difficult.
Honestly to sleep together twice im not sure i could forgive this so early on in a marriage.
I honestly dont know what advice to give yes he needs to be present while his son is very poorly but sleeping with his ex partner thats weak.
Sorry this has happened x

Your mum must have incredibly low self esteem if she thinks you should stay with a cheater/any man no matter what they do. Thank goodness you do have some. Leave and don't look back.

Religion? A "what will the neighbours think" mentality

Perhaps you should ask him to stay away from you.

That is wrong. Whilst I do think this is exceptional circumstances and I don’t think it’s the same as just randomly cheating , it doesn’t mean you need to just accept it . You matter too - you have been betrayed . The best thing you could do here is leave him, you can’t stay unhappy because his son is ill and it is unfair that his actions force you to be a woman who’s jealous and insecure whilst his son is extremely ill. I have been cheated on , and my marriage has survived . But it was a lot of work and it is my husband putting up with every condition I give and constantly reassuring me - this is not possible in your situation. If I had had to stay , swallow down my feelings and carry on as normal - I would have had a breakdown. You don’t deserve that you are hurt and you need to be able to feel that , deal with it and heal .

Using his son’s illness to try and excuse his infidelity is shocking. He sounds incredibly selfish and I think you’ll he way better off without him.

It is absolutely no excuse for cheating on his wife and it is disgusting for him to use his sick son as an excuse for cheating.

I think it’s unfair to say that . He could be facing losing his son , that’s unbearable and I can imagine his ex wife represents the happier times before all this and she is the only person that knows what he is going through and vice versa . I think it’s extremely exceptional circumstances but I don’t think it defines someone.

Get out, classic my wife doesn't understand me behaviour!!!!

I think this is a sad situation for everyone involved and I think no matter what happens now - your marriage is over.

Either he doesn’t stay away and it’s over , or he does and therefore, as a result, he spends less time with his son and resents you - then your marriage is over.

It is very likely that they slept together because of what is going on - leukaemia is very serious and I think your DH and his ex both know that there is a chance they could lose their little boy , which is unthinkable, and they are the only ones that know how this feels and they are also , to each other the only other person in the world who is going through the same thing so they are clinging to each other. There is probably no feelings that would make them last outside of this - they split for a reason - but for now they are in something together that no one else is . They may be drawn to “ being a family “ for their little boy.

This is really unfair on you , you can’t just swallow your feelings and accept this , but you have to think of the worst case here - could you live with yourself if that little boy was in the middle of all this or if your husband lost time with his son and then he passed away ?

I think you need to protect yourself - this could happen again. The little boy is the one important here. If it were me , as much as it would destroy me , but I would have to say to my husband - I am going to step away , with no hate towards you both , but to let you deal with this and if you want to be a family or whatever you want , to be with your son , but i have to protect myself and I cannot sit and home wondering and it is unfair to make me a person who is jealous and resentful at a time for this.

If in the future - wether that is when ( hopefully ) the little boy is well again or if it is the word case - you feel that you could start again , with what has happened left in the past because it involved immense grief and pain , then by all means do it but protect yourself and do what you can for that little boy ,

Your husband has cheated on you twice in under 12 months? Time for a divorece. Leukaemia does not excuse sticking your married penis in another woman's vagina.

I can imagine that they are both out of their minds with worry for their child and i do believe he is right when he says only each other understands, they love their child more than anyone else does.
There must be so many mixed emotions between them in this awful crisis , however all that aside i would never forgive him and that would be the end of my marriage .
I would not allow my mother or anyone else to make an excuse for this betrayal.
I am sorry this has happened to you , you must be very worried for the poor child too, but you deserve better than a cheating husband and when all the practicalities are sorted out you can move forward with a clean slate and hope because there is a better life out there waiting for you.

He’s using his poorly son to justify cheating on you. What a fucking arsehole. Get rid.

You have grounds for divorce. He has admitted adultery. That equals complete breakdown of the marriage.
I am sorry his son is ill, but that is no excuse for cheating on you.

Sadly you’ll never, ever be able to trust him again.
He’s deceived you in the worse possible way and then tell you that you can’t understand because you haven’t got kids! Creep!
You’re still young and need to start over with someone who you can trust.

Of course you leave him. I feel so sorry for you. What an awful thing for him to do, and then he will be expecting everyone to feel sorry for him and that you should forgive him. Once is bad enough but twice! And your mother thinks YOU are in the wrong?!!!

Two different issues here. One- he is supporting his ex wife and his son who is very poorly. Thats how it should be. Two - he has slept with his ex wife, twice That is not OK and does not fall under the category of supporting her and is most definitely not OK. I feel for you in this situation. Is there any point in telling him not to support or see her. It will happen again and what a man to do this to all of you. Please leave him.

The marriage is clearly over.

He has cheated and he isn't going to stay away from his ill child.

Your family told you that you're selfish? Do they know the full story about how he slept with her multiple times???