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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be hurt by my husbands actions even though his son is sick?

236 replies

Khakiqueen1 · 25/07/2026 15:53

I’ve tried to talk to family about this but everyone says I’m just being selfish and thinking about myself before others.

Myself 29 female and my husband 35 male have being married for just under a year. Our anniversary is the end of July. My DH was married previously and that marriage broke down 5 years ago. He and his ex had 1 child a son aged 8 and me and my husband have no children currently.

My DSS was diagnosed with leukaemia 6 months ago and we’ve done everything to support. His ex doesn’t drive so my husband has taken on driving her around, doing her shopping and taking her to work. I don’t mind this as I understand she needs to be at the hospital quickly and is not doing well to be getting the bus everywhere. I selfishly though was getting very jealous and had a huge argument with my husband last week. During the argument he admitted they slept together shortly after the diagnosis and then again about a month ago but that’s it. He said he regrets it but I don’t have children so cannot understand his pain like she can.

I have told him I don’t want him around her anymore and don’t want him doing jobs for her but he and both our families are saying I’m being selfish.

I understand that his son is very poorly but I feel hurt and betrayed by my husband.

AIBU to request he stays away from her?

OP posts:
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PurplePeopleEater · 28/07/2026 19:23

FloofTrousers · 25/07/2026 15:56

Just leave. There's no way he can't have contact with her while their child is so poorly, and you can't trust him to be faithful. You only have control over your own actions.

This
Although I would be asking him to leave, for me there would be no coming back from this.

Bluestar1971 · 27/07/2026 21:40

I think you need to separate. Despite all he is going through that's no excuse to sleep with his ex wife twice. He will just do it again. You can't trust him anymore. They are going to need to spend a lot of time together due to their child's illness and I think you know on your heart of hearts what that means

TheJuryIsOut · 27/07/2026 16:57

Kirbert2 · 27/07/2026 16:39

It isn't unimaginable to me. I've had a child with cancer.

Getting my leg over was the last thing on my mind. Especially if it involved lying and sneaking around. I didn't have time for that because of my sick child.

Edited

This is exactly what I was thinking, I've had a poorly child (although lot less serious than cancer) and when she was in and out of hospital the last thing I was thinking about was sex with anyone at all, particularly not my ex husband (her dad)

jeaux90 · 27/07/2026 16:51

WTF!! No! I’d dump him for cheating.

Kirbert2 · 27/07/2026 16:39

KitchenFaust · 27/07/2026 00:47

It actually is an excuse to cheat. A child sick with cancer is unimaginable. His ex wife is the only person who will share this grief.

It isn't unimaginable to me. I've had a child with cancer.

Getting my leg over was the last thing on my mind. Especially if it involved lying and sneaking around. I didn't have time for that because of my sick child.

powersthatbe · 27/07/2026 13:07

OP he is the lowest of the low. Shagging his ex, blaiming his sons illness and then shaming you for not understanding because you are childless. Appalling.

That poor sick child, yet they have time to cheat behind your back?

Leave this toxic situation and dont be emotionally blackmailed by anyone.

Hope DSS recovers, he has a shit show for parents, poor kid.

Hildegard25 · 27/07/2026 12:56

Khakiqueen1 · 25/07/2026 16:00

Thank you. I wanted to leave him but my mum was trying to convince me the correct thing to do was to stay. I feel much happier now that I’m making the correct choice.

Of course you are.
Do not delay it.

user1492757084 · 27/07/2026 08:29

You are being unreasonable in considering staying with your cheating husband.

Hope the child is successfully treated.

Leave with your self respect.

andthat · 27/07/2026 07:53

wandawaves · 27/07/2026 05:45

Pretty sure you can share grief with someone without putting penises into vaginas.

Well said @wandawaves

wandawaves · 27/07/2026 05:45

KitchenFaust · 27/07/2026 00:47

It actually is an excuse to cheat. A child sick with cancer is unimaginable. His ex wife is the only person who will share this grief.

Pretty sure you can share grief with someone without putting penises into vaginas.

Anewusernametoday · 27/07/2026 04:05

1st time was possible a horrible mistake in the early days of grief.
2nd time was not a mistake.
You need to leave him. I’m sorry you are in such a horrible position

ReadingSoManyThreads · 27/07/2026 03:28

I voted YABU because you cannot demand him to stay away from her when he needs to be there to support his seriously ill son.

The good news is, as you'll have been married for one year within the next few days, you'll be able to file for divorce! It's quick and easy if you do it yourself online.

Duvetdayneeded · 27/07/2026 03:03

Your mum needs a talking to as you don’t stay with a cheater.

Growlybear83 · 27/07/2026 00:52

KitchenFaust · 27/07/2026 00:47

It actually is an excuse to cheat. A child sick with cancer is unimaginable. His ex wife is the only person who will share this grief.

You surely cant be serious! Of course the grief of having a child with cancer is truly horrendous but there is NOTHING that can anyone can use as an excuse for cheating on their partner under any circumstances.

KitchenFaust · 27/07/2026 00:47

It actually is an excuse to cheat. A child sick with cancer is unimaginable. His ex wife is the only person who will share this grief.

SonnyHoney · 27/07/2026 00:43

Leave now and although he did you wrong, Leave amicably
Wish the child health & healing, There is no pain like a sick child, Other than a child that is no longer here.

In time you will meet somebody new. <3

nevernotmaybe · 27/07/2026 00:43

The situation changes nothing at all about what he did.

But if you are going to forgive and stay, you cant under the circumstances say it has to be zero contact. Although limited as much as possible is ok to request.

Nobodycares · 27/07/2026 00:32

Oh, vomit, he fucked his ex and is using his sick son as an excuse.

What a total, utter and absolute creep. I am glad you are dumping him. Please do NOT play the pick me dance with this creepy, lying loser.

Pinkissmart · 27/07/2026 00:15

Just leave him . He should be looking after his son, that’s a given. He’s cheated twice- no way should you have to suck that up just because he has a sick child.

You can feel really bad for the child and wish him well, but still look after your own heart.

wandawaves · 26/07/2026 23:29

He cheated on you twice and blamed it on his child's cancer?

He's an absolute scumbag.

RedSnail1 · 26/07/2026 23:26

Supporting someone with a sick child is the right thing to do; however, there is no excuse for cheating. You need to divorce him before things get any more complicated!

EndlessWeeding · 26/07/2026 23:19

How can you not realise that your marriage is over? You actually considered staying with him if he just saw less of his ex? That's nuts.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/07/2026 23:16

Khakiqueen1 · 25/07/2026 16:00

Thank you. I wanted to leave him but my mum was trying to convince me the correct thing to do was to stay. I feel much happier now that I’m making the correct choice.

Your mum thinks it’s a grand idea for you to stay with a man who cheated on you not once (which in itself would be one time too many) but twice.

RuinartRuination · 26/07/2026 22:55

Khakiqueen1 · 25/07/2026 16:00

Thank you. I wanted to leave him but my mum was trying to convince me the correct thing to do was to stay. I feel much happier now that I’m making the correct choice.

But is your mother aware that your husband is sleeping with his ex wife?

Arregaithel · 26/07/2026 22:55

@Khakiqueen1 what on earth is your Mum thinking?!

Leave and don't even look back 🌸

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