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AIBU?

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Original poster

My brother keeps berating my life choices

31 replies

fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 13:51

I am 28. My brother is 35.

I still live at home, the rental market is crazy in my area and it’s just not possible for me to move out at the moment (I’m single). I pay rent to my parents, very much have my own life and it’s more of a cohabitation situation now rather than a child living with parents. I’m very independent. I save into a LISA each month but I’m looking at a huge deposit to buy alone.

Over the last few months my brother has been critiquing me for travelling. I have somewhat mastered the art of a cheap trip. I’m good at hunting down Airbnb deals, and I’ll happily fly at ridiculous hours to get a cheaper flight. I love to travel. For example, I have a ten day trip coming up that I’ve managed to fully book for about £600. I save each month into a travel fund so that I’ll have spending money too.

He also loves to travel, but does so by putting it on a credit card with his wife. Their justification is that by doing this, they earn a companion voucher at the end of the year and they can take another trip. Each to their own, I personally don’t go into debt to travel.

Recently every time I’ve seen him it’s “don’t you think you should cancel that trip and put the money into your LISA?”.

He never bought his own home. He married a woman who was a homeowner and he just pays towards the bills. He’s not on the deeds or the mortgage.

I’m a bit sick of it, to be honest. There’s nothing from my parents to suggest they’re unhappy with our current living situation, and they encourage me to travel. I think his annoyance is that his eldest son starts school this September and so they can’t take the cheap holidays they’ve been used to anymore. He lived at home until he was 29, and moved straight from his mum’s house to his wife’s house!

AIBU to think these types of comments just aren’t necessary given he hasn’t exactly saved for a house himself?

OP posts:
Original poster
fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 14:05

takealettermsjones · 25/07/2026 14:02

Well the obvious answer is to tell him to butt out, which tbh I definitely would do if this was my brother! But a couple of things did jump out at me from your post - the first being that you both seem very aware of each other's finances. There's no reason why you really need to know what he puts on credit (which there's nothing wrong with, by the way!) or whether he's on the deeds of his house, which then makes me wonder if you chat about money a lot, which might make him feel like he can comment on it? The other possibility is that he's picking up some signals from your parents that they would like an end point to this arrangement - maybe not now, but at least a five year plan or something.

I only know because he told us that they had to consolidate credit card debt into her mortgage, which was why he couldn’t contribute to a family holiday we all took.

My parents are well aware of my plans and very happy with them, to be honest I’m considering upping and leaving the country at some point in the next couple of years and they know that. I’m just trying to take a look at my options and what I can do

OP posts:
Lumpycat · 25/07/2026 14:05

Sounds like jealousy to me. Along with a bit of arrogance. Your choices sound far more sensible. Does he also think you should ‘settle down’ and have some children to clip your wings a bit?

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/07/2026 14:03

Tell him to back off and mind his own business.

takealettermsjones · 25/07/2026 14:02

Well the obvious answer is to tell him to butt out, which tbh I definitely would do if this was my brother! But a couple of things did jump out at me from your post - the first being that you both seem very aware of each other's finances. There's no reason why you really need to know what he puts on credit (which there's nothing wrong with, by the way!) or whether he's on the deeds of his house, which then makes me wonder if you chat about money a lot, which might make him feel like he can comment on it? The other possibility is that he's picking up some signals from your parents that they would like an end point to this arrangement - maybe not now, but at least a five year plan or something.

somanychristmaslights · 25/07/2026 14:00

Just yawn and say “you’re getting boring now Darren” and don’t give it any more conversation.

Pinkissmart · 25/07/2026 13:59

Seems like normal sibling stuff. I would still tell him that you are doing very well with your saving, and that if you needed advice you’d go to a professional.