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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My brother keeps berating my life choices

31 replies

fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 13:51

I am 28. My brother is 35.

I still live at home, the rental market is crazy in my area and it’s just not possible for me to move out at the moment (I’m single). I pay rent to my parents, very much have my own life and it’s more of a cohabitation situation now rather than a child living with parents. I’m very independent. I save into a LISA each month but I’m looking at a huge deposit to buy alone.

Over the last few months my brother has been critiquing me for travelling. I have somewhat mastered the art of a cheap trip. I’m good at hunting down Airbnb deals, and I’ll happily fly at ridiculous hours to get a cheaper flight. I love to travel. For example, I have a ten day trip coming up that I’ve managed to fully book for about £600. I save each month into a travel fund so that I’ll have spending money too.

He also loves to travel, but does so by putting it on a credit card with his wife. Their justification is that by doing this, they earn a companion voucher at the end of the year and they can take another trip. Each to their own, I personally don’t go into debt to travel.

Recently every time I’ve seen him it’s “don’t you think you should cancel that trip and put the money into your LISA?”.

He never bought his own home. He married a woman who was a homeowner and he just pays towards the bills. He’s not on the deeds or the mortgage.

I’m a bit sick of it, to be honest. There’s nothing from my parents to suggest they’re unhappy with our current living situation, and they encourage me to travel. I think his annoyance is that his eldest son starts school this September and so they can’t take the cheap holidays they’ve been used to anymore. He lived at home until he was 29, and moved straight from his mum’s house to his wife’s house!

AIBU to think these types of comments just aren’t necessary given he hasn’t exactly saved for a house himself?

OP posts:
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WorkCleanRepeat · 25/07/2026 15:48

Just tell him "Im staying at home until I meet someone that's already done the hard work and bought a house like you did"

Hankunamatata · 25/07/2026 15:05

If he had any sense he would be asking you to help.plan his trips!

Laurmolonlabe · 25/07/2026 14:56

P what on earth has it got to do with him? Unless he is planning to move back in as well tell him to mind his own business.

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/07/2026 14:55

"Haha! Like I am going to take advice on saving to buy a house from someone who has never done it!"

fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 14:44

OrianaK · 25/07/2026 14:33

Yes, ikwym. Could you have a quiet word, though? Or.. better idea.. if he says this in front of everyone .. say something like, ok.. does everyone here think this? Are you all disapproving of me, or just bro? Let’s get this straight, and move on.
You don’t have to say it in a heavy or aggressive way. Just a thought.

I might have to. It’s just infuriating because he landed on his feet and doesn’t have any idea how difficult it is.

OP posts:
SummerDive · 25/07/2026 14:35

fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 14:25

I just smile awkwardly because what’s the point in causing a big family bust up and making it awkward?

Well I agree about not making it a drama fir no reason.

HOWEVER, he is also clearly upping the critiques. Probably because he hasn’t had any push back.

Next time he says something about putting money in a LISA, I’d say ‘you probably should too’
That’s it. He’ll know he isn’t owning a house either. He’ll understand. And hopefully understand too that he isn’t in a much better position than you.

Fwiw he is crazy to live with his partner, not on the deeds etc… and yet still not saving anything further a house fir himself (or to buy out half his partner’s house if she is happy with that)

OrianaK · 25/07/2026 14:33

fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 14:25

I just smile awkwardly because what’s the point in causing a big family bust up and making it awkward?

Yes, ikwym. Could you have a quiet word, though? Or.. better idea.. if he says this in front of everyone .. say something like, ok.. does everyone here think this? Are you all disapproving of me, or just bro? Let’s get this straight, and move on.
You don’t have to say it in a heavy or aggressive way. Just a thought.

5128gap · 25/07/2026 14:33

Sibling rivalry. Your brother knows you're in a better position than him so he's trying to feel better by being negative about your situation.
I'd not engage. Just tell him you're doing OK as you are, thank you and change the subject.

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 25/07/2026 14:31

fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 14:25

I just smile awkwardly because what’s the point in causing a big family bust up and making it awkward?

Why would you responding in kind cause ‘a big family bust up’ of his berating you doesn’t?

He’s giving you shit and you’re tired of it. Stand up for yourself, give him a few home truths and tell him to pack it in. If he doesn’t like it, that’s his lookout. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.

HoppityBun · 25/07/2026 14:30

fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 14:25

I just smile awkwardly because what’s the point in causing a big family bust up and making it awkward?

Just smile, wink and say you understand why he’s jealous

OvernightOats101 · 25/07/2026 14:28

Just ignore him

On this forum, people find men still living at their parents at that age extremely unappealing , rightly or wrongly.

He has a sibling opinion on you living with your parents, just ignore.

fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 14:25

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 25/07/2026 14:25

Why don’t you? What are you saying while he berates you? You just sit there?

I just smile awkwardly because what’s the point in causing a big family bust up and making it awkward?

OP posts:
Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 25/07/2026 14:25

fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 14:14

To be honest I do feel like doing this sometimes. He landed on his feet, for sure

Why don’t you? What are you saying while he berates you? You just sit there?

OrianaK · 25/07/2026 14:22

He doesn’t realise that lots of adults now live alongside their parents , under the same roof. He’s a bit behind the times. He thinks you’re doing it wrong. He seven years older than you and not as aware that coupling up and mortgaging to the hilt is going out of fashion.

LividSun · 25/07/2026 14:22

Ew to his debt and cocklodging.

Velvetandleather · 25/07/2026 14:20

Just say lol you sound jealous. He’s trying to limit your life due to his jealoosy. Tell him to fuck off.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 25/07/2026 14:16

fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 14:12

To be honest I think he’s just jealous. I get the feeling he doesn’t like his life now, and if he’d not got his girlfriend pregnant he’d likely be living like I am now

Maybe he wants to move back in with his parents.

WeatherOrNothing · 25/07/2026 14:15

Ask him directly if he is jealous of you? If he says that’s ridiculous then point it. That should shame him into butting out

fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 14:14

mathanxiety · 25/07/2026 14:11

I would throw the fact that he's a cocklodger right back in his face next time he tries to make you feel small or stupid.

Has he always been insufferable?

To be honest I do feel like doing this sometimes. He landed on his feet, for sure

OP posts:
fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 14:12

takealettermsjones · 25/07/2026 14:07

Option A it is then! 😆

To be honest I think he’s just jealous. I get the feeling he doesn’t like his life now, and if he’d not got his girlfriend pregnant he’d likely be living like I am now

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 25/07/2026 14:11

I would throw the fact that he's a cocklodger right back in his face next time he tries to make you feel small or stupid.

Has he always been insufferable?

HoppityBun · 25/07/2026 14:11

I wonder if your brother envies your plans, your savings, the holidays you’ve paid for and your ability to look after yourself? Because he’s done none of that and has none of that

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 25/07/2026 14:10

“I’m not the one in debt, Darren”.

Mygiddyvalentine · 25/07/2026 14:09

Go live your life @fallasleeponthecouch

I’d be more thinking about your parents than your DB but I know, as a parent of a daughter a few years younger than you, it would be great to see my adult children moving out and doing their own lives at 28 odd. That said it is none of your brother’s business.

takealettermsjones · 25/07/2026 14:07

fallasleeponthecouch · 25/07/2026 14:05

I only know because he told us that they had to consolidate credit card debt into her mortgage, which was why he couldn’t contribute to a family holiday we all took.

My parents are well aware of my plans and very happy with them, to be honest I’m considering upping and leaving the country at some point in the next couple of years and they know that. I’m just trying to take a look at my options and what I can do

Option A it is then! 😆

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