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Another weekend and another drunken DP ‘performance’

562 replies

Heatwavefry · 25/07/2026 08:13

I’ve had very broken sleep so I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors!!

There has been a trend over about a year now of DP going out once a month with friends and getting hammered, his behaviour when returning home has increasingly worsened though. We don’t live together but when he goes out he usually comes back to mine to stay for the weekend as I live centrally close to where the pubs are.

Last night, he returns about 1am and wakes me up asking if I can ‘see to him’. I say no and go back to sleep, he says he will sort himself out.

I hear loads of crashing about so am woken at least twice, and he says he’s sleeping on the sofa. After yet more noise, I go into the living room and he’s naked, there’s a massive wet patch on my sofa, which he said is because he ‘sorted himself out’ - he was still pissed at this point.

I go ballistic and tell him I want him gone first thing. He’s still on the sofa now. I am not overreacting here am I?! It’s my flat which I worked hard to afford and he treats it like this.

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 25/07/2026 11:57

You are unreasonable to even ask this question. He sounds vile. No one in their right mind would want to be with this creature.

BaileyHorse · 25/07/2026 11:52

Too many red flags here OP. I’m afraid this will not improve the longer you stay together. I would be seriously considering ending the relationship. He has no respect for you or himself by the sounds of it.

PetulaGordeno · 25/07/2026 11:51

At some point though OP will want to have a more permanent relationship. It’s no good telling him to go and be this drunk in his own home.
The fact is she’s seen who he is and who he is is absolutely appalling.
At 31 why waste precious time?

rainbowstardrops · 25/07/2026 11:47

At the very least, I’d make it clear that he’s not allowed to come back to yours when he’s been drinking. Personally, I’d find a 31 year old man regularly going out and getting drunk to the point that he supposedly can’t remember, a complete turn off. He’s not 18!

Tamtim · 25/07/2026 11:47

Yuck. No thanks. Should have told him to get dressed and get out. Take the key if he has a spare. Change the locks too.

PollyBell · 25/07/2026 11:47

Why are you so desperate?

Maybe i am breaking some mn code but just why?

Gymnopedie · 25/07/2026 11:44

If he's great the rest of the month and you don't want to end it then you stop him coming round after one of these sessions. Tell him he doesn't come to yours and lock him out.

If there are other problems and you're generally not happy, end it.

If you lock him out but he turns up anyway and makes a scene, call the police. Then end it because it shows he has even less respect for you than he currently seems to have.

Wherethedogsits · 25/07/2026 11:41

He’s vile and has no respect for you.

The only way to stop this from happening again is to respect yourself by getting rid.

Electricsausages · 25/07/2026 11:41

You don’t deserve it OP
get rid and have a peaceful life without the disgusting git

YourWildAmberSloth · 25/07/2026 11:40

Heatwavefry · 25/07/2026 08:25

31, we had discussed living with each other in the future.

Why would you want to? If you don't want to end the relationship - it will only get worst btw - then at least set some boundaries, such as he is not allowed to come to yours when he's drunk. Don't open the door if he does turn up. You are allowing this to continue by giving him access. What's the point in 'going ballistic' every time, unless you're getting hooked on the drama?

Meteorite87 · 25/07/2026 11:39

If this had been a one off, he'd be in "last chance saloon" with me.

How can you tolerate that every month @Heatwavefry ? You deserve so much better.

EstherGreenwood63 · 25/07/2026 11:36

For the love of God raise the bar OP! Your friend who thinks it's funny is either lying or has an even worse 'd'p. GET RID today.

TwoBagsOfCompost · 25/07/2026 11:34

TheTikiTurnip · 25/07/2026 10:12

Maybe she does have to ask.

Maybe she was brought up in an abusive family system, the fallout of which could be low self esteem and difficulty gauging what's 'normal'?

Or not, we dont know.

Maybe dont judge. She's come here for advice.

You’re right. I didn’t consider that. I apologise.

My intention wasn’t to be judgmental, I just want women to kick out useless men when they’re making their life a misery. But I do realise I failed to consider a few things here.

Best of luck and lots of strength to the OP.

MsPavlichenko · 25/07/2026 11:25

This before you are living together! It won’t get better if you do. If you want a life with a selfish, entitled drunken wanker who disrupts your sleep and peace of mind crack on. If you’re planning on having DC add them to the mix, when you’re stuck at home while he’s out carousing.

If you don’t then get rid. Enjoy your Friday nights again

itwasyourshowallalong · 25/07/2026 11:24

I’m so sorry to say this, but my gut feeling is that he’s more concerned about losing his place to drunkenly crash than he is about losing you

Throw this one back, you can do better x

Observant · 25/07/2026 11:20

Let me guess - he has a child with a previous partner - who treated him terribly.

Ilovebakewelltarts · 25/07/2026 11:19

A friend of mine put up with this sort of stuff from her 'D'H for years. We didn't know because she never told anyone.
She had 4 DCs
He regularly came home so drunk he was getting disorientated and peeing in the bedroom wardrobe or kitchen/hall cupboard.
Why she put up with it for so long we don't know, but he earned loads of money and we think that could have been a factor.
He eventually died aged 45 of an alcohol-related illness.

OP, do NOT marry this man, move him in or have children with him. He has a serious alcohol problem that you can't fix.
Raise the bar and get rid of him.

pestowithwalnuts · 25/07/2026 11:19

Dirty pig

bluebeck · 25/07/2026 11:14

Heatwavefry · 25/07/2026 11:07

You sound like a lovely person.

I really am 😇

19lottie82 · 25/07/2026 11:13

Do you want kids at any point OP? If so definitely don’t waste the next few years on this loser. The last thing you want is to be tied to him for 18 years minimum, and to choose this areshole as the father of your children.

MNLurker1345 · 25/07/2026 11:12

That post was nothing to do with your situation, it was just someone who got up this morning and decided to pick on someone on MN.

@bluebeck, what’s up!

Newmummypamela · 25/07/2026 11:10

Rotten!! No coming back from that - he sounds disgusting.

Over40Overdating · 25/07/2026 11:09

He’s only grovelling and sorry because you’ve kicked off and want him out. If you’d done softly softly he’d have told you it was your fault and don’t do it again.

You’re more the generous giving him an hour, but stick to it: do not show a shred of weakness because he’ll exploit it.

At 31 he is old enough to know how to behave. This isn’t youthful folly. Send him to the friend who thinks it’s funny.

CitizenofMoronia · 25/07/2026 11:09

THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR A YEAR???
Never ever EVER allow a man to come back to your place after a night out that YOU were not a part of, the absolute CFery of it, you have already taught him that you will accept increasingly more disrespect, chuck this one back and start again.

Heatwavefry · 25/07/2026 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You sound like a lovely person.

OP posts: