AIBU to think upper middle class professionals downplay how much they game education?

Absolutely not. It’s not unusual to have siblings split between the two schools. The grammar is in the top ten performing state schools in the country and very hard to get into. I asked my DS whether he wanted to go elsewhere for sixth form and he said why would I leave?!

There is nothing stopping anyone in this country being successful. I have gone from free school meals to a high earning City professional. And the comment that still sticks in my mind now, which was made by my first boss twenty six years ago, is that you get on with everyone. That’s been my key to success.

That is a remarkable achievement. What do you think it was that made you the sort of person who could get on with people so well and achieve so much?

This is totally normal for many many families.

🙄

Do they think it odd that one's in a grammar and another in a private ?

*taught

If you want your kids to be successful, teach them to get on with everyone and have respect for everyone.

Very wise words.

It is absolutely a thing. I have experienced a family member and his friends turning their back (after I left the room) on my DH (then boyfriend) because he is a “rich southerner”. I have had a very different life to many of my friends and family. I have mixed with people of different social backgrounds, races and religion far more than my white working class family and friends. I see the level of prejudice that some of my white working class friends and family have. It’s shocking.

There is nothing stopping anyone in this country being successful. I have gone from free school meals to a high earning City professional. And the comment that still sticks in my mind now, which was made by my first boss twenty six years ago, is that you get on with everyone. That’s been my key to success.

My current boss is American. She has noticed the class prejudice that exists in UK society against those that are perceived as having more/being from a higher socio economic background.

If you want your kids to be successful, teach them to get on with everyone and have respect for everyone.

In moral worth, everyone is equal.

I believe that human rights (globally) and civic rights (within a polity) should flow from that, ie are equal.

I think it’s hard to identify other ways in which everyone is equal. What ways do you see?

I also don’t think I have a human right or civic right to have the same opportunity as everyone else. Becuase I think that involves too great an infringement on the liberties of others to make it so.

And when equality has been tried (or at least, when it’s been the radical motivating ideology), it’s led to crushing destruction of the things that support human flourishing. Freedom of thought, association, family life, life. Things that are not just the preserve of the rich but matter to us all. No good has come of it.

No, it’s sincerely what I believe.

I also think if you polled this board on the practical examples I gave in the post that immediately followed, each would get majority support.

If you disagree, which do you think most people would disagree with?

Oh, by the way. Covid vaccines. We had to prioritise how to roll them out. Did you support equality of opportunity (maybe a lottery)? Or some sort of system based on who could benefit most from them (say, prioritizing old people and the infirm?).

I’m not British and I kind of agree that in the UK education isn’t seen as important as in other usually poorer countries. In the uk you have the benefit system to fall on if you’re not a high achiever in life where in other countries there isn’t such thing or not livable. In other countries education is seen as almost guaranteed way out of poverty, here not necessarily. The uk gov is the only one that fines parents for not sending their kids to school - why? Does the gov think a big number of parents would not bother to send their children to school if they weren’t forced to? And finally the govs spent on education is appalling! 30 children in the class, schools in debt, parents being asked for donations, very limited places in schools for children with special needs. It just doesn’t seem that education is a top priority here at least for the government.

Does the OP want a Harrison Bergeron style setup where we ensure "fairness" by handicapping clever kids so that they are on the same level as the dumb kids? Sounds like it.

Everyone has very different starts in life, for both the better and the worse. You'll never ever change that. Get over it rather than wng around trendy words like "privilege". Some of you should leave people alone for a change.

This is exactly what I was trying to say earlier. We sent DC to independent schools because we wanted them to enjoy life and embrace all that was on offer. Also both working and in rural locations few schools then did after school clubs etc . We had no game plan and we never forced them to pursue remunerative degrees but they are good citizens . Looking back we were a bit clueless but happy with our choices … for example both were cathedral choristers etc .. pretty niche and very few became high earners … so in fact many parents just go with the flow and take opportunities where they can this is also the case for those in the state system … maybe they are posh twats … tho you would never no it… but at least they do not judge

This is incredibly naive, I do you also believe in reverse racism?

They won't make friends because of reverse snobbery BECAUSE THATS NOT A REALLY THING. They will.be surrounded by those that think it's their right to be there and have a self selecting code based on years of private school.and old names.

I do not understand the continued bootlicking of the upper classes int his country.

Our politics are corrupt and for sale to the highest bidder due to the incestuous nature of the upper classes.

The elagaltarian nature of education is just total B's now anyway.

The middle classes are in for a HUGE wake up.call in the next few decades

I sincerely hope not and you're just a brain damaged individualist.

This form of thinking is Victorian, colonialist in the worst application and the upholding of a system that benefits a few.

You obviously think it's normal to believe that all people are not equal. And it's frankly disturbing

Ha ha yes! I remember being verbally abused exiting my Oxbridge college - similar words to ‘posh twat’. I was a first generation university student from a Northern comp not that I explained myself.

Realistically, no one age 18/19 goes round boasting of their school/background so it’s quite likely you may not discover or discover quickly, what anyone’s background is. I find it odd that someone who makes this remark would be encouraging students and their own child to apply. Oxbridge makes a good attempt to encourage applications from the brightest of students from all backgrounds. That was my experience more than 30 years ago and the situation has only got better in the intervening years.

He’ll also discover that by attending Oxbridge he instantly becomes one of those posh twats who need it sticking to them, in the eyes of a lot of our culture and officialdom.

Also, immense unearned privilege to have been born with his genes and parents at the time and place in history that he was, for which he should not be begrudged.

Are you really a teacher? That is worrying because you come across as extremely prejudice. Also, how are you working out whether the “posh twats” went to private school or not? I know plenty of people who went to state comps who have RP accents. And, if you are a teacher, then your DC are more privileged than many. My dad left school at 14, has no qualifications and was on a low salary all his life.

You sound like an excellent Teacher & well done to you both.

May I ask why you think it's appropriate to say your son is 'ready to stick it to the posh twats' I'm sure your son will achieve the necessary results & go on to study at Cambridge. I find it sad he is being encouraged to begin his course with a chip on his shoulder while harbouring bitterness towards those born with more opportunities than most.

He would benifit more from understanding nobody knows what goes on in the lives of those with more privilege & it's wrong to judge people you don't know.

Incidentally, your son may become best friends with the most privileged student in his year or he may even marry one of them.

I wish him all the best.

I think many white working class parents are negligent when it comes to education. Luckily my mum wasn’t and she did everything she could to stop our modest house being repossessed on the basis that we would have ended up living in a council house on a very rough estate with an equally rough comp to go with it. She managed to keep us in a reasonable comp (although nothing like some of the comps in London and the Home Counties where I live now).

I sent both of mine to independent prep. The main reason being the excellent wrap around care and extra curriculars which meant that I could keep working and which wasn’t available at our local state primary. My oldest goes to a top performing state grammar and my youngest is in an independent senior school. Am I gaming the system? No, I am doing the best for my kids within the means that I have. That’s what my mum tought me to do.It just happens that I have more money than her to do it with.

This is a truly odd thread.
I'm not sure if posters are smugly boasting. Or bitching.

As the above poster has noted, education exposes class insecurities. And other insecurities. I think it's only certain sectors of society that have these insecurities. I could start with the present labour cabinet. A lot of them went to private schools but want to destroy the very system which got them to where they are. Lucy Powell is in denial about her family background and education, but has already been caught out telling porky pies.

Now we discover that doctors are deeply into lying and gaming the system. Id never imagined it honestly. But possibly it's only doctors who went to state school. Its odd.

I went to grammar school and I am comfortable in my own skin. 99% of posters on here are not comfortable in their own skin. They have fomo or something. Keeping up with the joness, god knows.
They haven't given birth to children, they have created a little mini project to be worked on.

People like Jacob rees-mogg are comfortable in their own skin. They have always had private education and take it for granted that's what they will do. No fiddling, no bitching. They just do it.

People who have no choice but the local comp are mainly comfortable in their own skin. They just get on with it. Some are consumed with envy of those who can afford better, most aren't.

I think posters need to take a good look in the mirror. Being a nice person is more important than promoting your little mini project that you can boast about at your middle class dinner parties.

P.s. people soon get fed up of boasting about mini projects. Only a very small group of people are interested. Others find it tedious.

What an odd post, that’s quite a big chip on your shoulder there. Are you really encouraging your DS and your Oxbridge material pupils to “stick it to the posh twats”? Well, they might be bright enough to get in but they won’t have many friends with that attitude.

I'm not saying what I believe or don't believe. I'm just saying what an estate agent told me people were doing to get their children into a 'good' school.

Love how succinctly you put this!

‘Game’ education? The title of your post is ridiculous. I wouldn’t worry about anything if I were you. You clearly haven’t ’gamed’ anything.