To tell people we're still renting when we bought outright.

For more questions on why you're being hostile. 🤦🏼‍♀️ You bought. Get over it.

Who cares 😂 just say you've bought the house and leave it at that.

Just here to say well done and how amazing you've done! Living the dream literally

Maybe people are surprised you’re renting if they know roughly what jobs you both do as this is the usual model. Depends where you are though because where I live (very provincial) attitudes to renters is really stigmatised and full of that snobbism (that I can’t fathom) whereas where I’ve lived before (major cities) it’s viewed completely differently.
Also maybe pple assume that as you were renting - if you then move - it’s just a natural question to ask - as in not bcos they’re being particularly intrusive but just what people say & do.
Finally - bcos owning your first home is seen as part of a trajectory in life, or stage, they maybe are thinking if you’ve moved onto that stage now in your life, as it is viewed as a more permanent, putting down roots kind of thing.
People are nosy & status obsessed though but doesn’t always mean they have ill intent. Often it’s just curiosity.

If it is a status /competitive thing - telling them you own it will correct them on that front. It wil only fuel curiosity however as to why you didn’t say so from the outset!

Yes. It also impacts on what you talk about after.
I would never consider asking someone about redecorating rental for example. I know maybe handful of people over decades who were allowed to redecorate. It would seem like pretty shitty q to ask for me because it is usually not allowed.
Equally, I know maybe handful, if that of people who had that long term rent, let alone "well under market value" as well.

I think OP doesn't get the lack of congrats etc when moving rentals because OP was well lucky, not moving every year or so, having really cheap rent and being able to redecorate. Most people really don't have that in private rentals.

My longest stint in rental was one and half years....

People are so nosy. I’d say you’re squatting to shut them up.

But it's not just the financial side. They're not asking "how much did you pay/are you paying?" They're asking if you own or rent because it impacts your life and security in your home.

Not sure anyone with a mortgage on a recently bought new-build needs to be "smug", most of them need to get the debt paid off before AB triggers the bond market.

Were you planning on buying a bigger house in a more desirable area? Are you ashamed of the house/area you bought into? If the deposit you saved was enough to buy a house outright you must have been saving for something bigger and better. Are you worried people will question why you bought in that particular location rather than somewhere nicer?

I get it op. The house I’m now in we bought when I was late 40s, my first non rented home.

I have experienced a lot of weirdness and comments to do with houses over the years. Always without fail a comment that I’m renting again not buying, at some points I was a lone parent in pt low paid work so of course I was renting. I have given and been sent new home cards always. As when I rented it’s still a change of address.

anyway in my family unless you buy a house you are treated like a second class citizen. So I finally did the thing they deemed correct and bought. I was then faced with more negativity. Some of it is as follows.

One sibling was angry with me that I didn’t tell them I was buying until we moved in, we had a house sale fall through before. That sibling has never visited my home and they have refused to even have a conversation with me about my home. They are now NC with me.

others decided now i have bought i don’t get sent new home cards or congratulations etc, no idea why and basically I’m not allowed to talk about my home to them ever.
others sent me new home cards for the first time ever as I had finally bought.
one of my parents decided they would never visit me plus have given unsolicited advice or feedback about anything to do with my home ever since. The most hurtful as it’s my mum, she’s not seen any of the changes I’ve made like decorating redoing the garden and so on.
and another so called friend has turned their back on me since 1 we bought a house then 2 we got engaged.

I’ve no idea what it’s all about. I live in a standard 3 bed semi that needed fixing and still does. Nothing extravagant. The only difference now is I don’t have to worry about a landlord kicking me out.

The one person who has been nice to me and very supportive over the years is my elderly next door neighbour. She’s seen via our little chats and my lack of visitors over the years (I’ve not had any now for over 4 years, that long I don’t even remember who it was or when) how hurt I am and so she’s shown interest here and there. Like a grandma would do so very lovely of her to care.

I don’t think it’s strange to congratulate someone on buying a house especially these days. It’s not about looking down on renters but buying for a lot of people is an achievement. It’s expensive, it usually takes a long time to save for a deposit, it can be incredibly stressful and takes months if you’re in a chain.

Renting is usually far less hassle to get set up, you go to an estate agent, visit the property pay the equivalent of a couple of months rent as a deposit and you can have the keys within a few days.

It’s a normal question where I live and to be honest it would make me more curious if someone was avoiding answering. Plus no one is going to ask you about decorating etc if your renting as where we live your not usually allowed to make any changes to rented properties. The conversation about home improvements usually follows when you know someone has bought it.

Surely it's usual to say good luck in your new home , regardless of whether they've bought or rented .

People ask this because its so much harder than it used to be to get on the property ladder/become home owners. Therefore it's seen as a bit of an achievement. They just want to congratulate you if you've bought it/commiserate with you if you're still stuck paying rent to a landlord. It's human nature to be curious, why so paranoid

It’s a normal question. I think you’re making it weird by not answering it. Saying you own is fine - how else would you? When we bought our home I never thought to say ‘we mortgaged it’… so when someone asks you the question do you just sit in silence / change the subject? If I was them I’d think you bloody killed the owners and moved in or something

Firstly congratulations on buying your first home. You have done extremely well not to have suffered the usual rigmorale of dealing with agents, checking out properties, gazumping etc etc. and you even got to try before purchasing. I hope you'll be very happy there. Yes a lot of us are nosey and nowadays so much information is open to anyone to look at online, completely different from the past. Your neighbours and acquaintances may always be checking the market to see how their property relates to the market so a new thing that most people were not aware of in the past. Best just to let them know that you own it and hope that'll stop their queries. You can let them know you don't really like to discuss your affairs if they get more inquisitive. Perhaps say something about designing the garden or house, to tangent the chat.

Think it's a pretty standard question when someone moves house. Just making small talk.

I think it is a very rude question, no ones business but your own. I would never ask anyone that - even a close friend. Nosey buggers.

You can obviously tell people what you want but I'll never understand why people choose to lie for no real reason.
Whats the shame (either way) of either buying or renting? It's a completely normal question IMO, especially if people are currently navigating the housing market themselves. Although I understand some people are a lot more secretive about their lives, I think that question is a way off being considered personal (it's not like they've asked what your salary is).

The truth is always the default for me, because if you happened to mention anything related to home improvements to that person in future, you would very easily be caught out lying, then you'll quickly earn a reputation of a untrustworthy person.

@TheChosen said a number of things leading me to the conclusion that she doesn’t not want to be judged including:

“I do potentially feel that they are judging our 'status' as why else would they NEED to know. There are very few rental properties locally so majority of people know who the renters are in our small area.

I said previously that it's the way they are asking more than what they are asking that bothers me. They way they are asking is coming across as smug.”

It’s splitting hairs but if she says I’ve misread the situation, I’ll certainly agree.

I think the question is prompted less by an interest in the money side of it (though there could be an element of that) and more by the idea that home ownership is perceived as a milestone moment in people's lives - they are settled and all the uncertainties of renting are behind them.

So this is the main thing I would hear and understand if you told me you owned your home

I don't actually think she has said she felt judged in the past, only that people have remarked that they seemed to live beneath their means. She is worried that people are judging her financial situation now. (And I and others are pointing out that it's probably innocent conversation). The feeling of being judged could simply be projection.

You wrote that with such confidence I actually had to read the ops posts again. She didn’t say that, she said are they judging.

if anything this reads to me like the op has a chip on her shoulder for renting a small property for so long with her friends in much bigger places, she asks were they judging her, not they were

to be honest, it’s a fairly standard question and small talk but the op is hugely sensitive about it, and the fact the house cost less than the deposit says it maybe something about rhe property she doesn’t want to admit she’s bought it, as she thinks she will be judged for doing so.

let’s face it, most people on buying their first home want to shout it from the rooftops. Not pretend they don’t own it.

The OP has described feeling judged because she’s rented and not owned in the past. Now she feels these people are only asking in order to judge her financial situation further.

She doesn’t want to provide them with any assistance doing so, even if answering would mean they judge her positively.

Would you ask someone that lost weight if they did it through exercise or ozempic? It comes across like that.

Why should it not be if the buyer wants it to be?

Well I guess you've made up your mind. I think the majority of us think you're interpretation is quite strange, and to me, that would be an extremely rude reply, so you'd get your wish of being left alone because I'd take pains to avoid you in future. I wouldn't see myself asking someone I barely knew if they were renting or had bought, but I would probably say, how exciting! if I knew someone had just bought.

And for what it's worth, when we moved to London we rented for 9 years in one place and then 6 years in another before buying our house (with cash). Although I never felt judged for renting, I would have found it truly bizarre if we'd been congratulated for it. I also don't recall being congratulated when we bought, although people seemed quite excited for us. But then, I snapped a photo of the sold sign and sent it to some friends. I thought their excitement was nice, but you seem determined to put a negative spin on things, so maybe that's a you thing?

Also, the level of detail in your OP seems very AI written...