To tell people we're still renting when we bought outright.

We rented for about a decade. We then moved into the house we bought and people asked if we were buying now. I didnt think it was intrusive. I thought it was a normal question from people who were just showing interest. I actually liked renting. Our house now is lovely but there was a certain freedom in anything breaking like the boiler not being my problem.

I'd be proud that I'd managed to save up the money. I can't understand why you don't say you own it. I don't judge anyone by whether they rent or own their home anyway. I think most people would assume you have a mortgage and probably wouldn't ask that but obviously you don't need to tell them any details. I just don't think it's a good idea to lie needlessly.

It’s a common question really. Not sure why you’re over thinking it so much. I’d find it weird if I found out you’d lied to me.

I think nobody cares if you are renting or not.

It is just general small talk, thats all.
I think you have blown things out of proportion to be honest and told a stupid lie that you now have to keep up. Honestly that was ridiculous.
It's hardly an intrusive question but a conversation starter.

I have family and friends that rent, own their homes outright or a have amortgage.It makes no difference to anyone.

Are the people asking you homeowners? If so, they want to know whether you are one of them now. They want to know which box to put you in. They may well believe subconsciously or very overtly that homeowners are more hardworking and more successful as citizens. Alternatively they may have been worried about you and really care whether you are trapped in the exploitative world of renting. They may want to know that you are now enjoying the security they are grateful for themselves. Basically it depends on what sort of person they are… If it’s getting your back up it may be instinctively you know they are in the first group. Unless they’re renters themselves and wondering how you did it because your story is pretty unusual.

You are overthinking it.

People don't really care if you rent or own the house, they are just making conversation and showing an interest.

I would say we have bought it but you don't need to explain any of the financial details like whether you have a mortgage or not. People will probably assume that you do but you don't need to give any details about that.

I guess people see owning a house as more exciting, you can decorate and make changes and put your own stamp on it. I'd be more likely to congratulate someone on buying, especially for the 1st time, it's a kind of a milestone for many people.

I think they ask so they know if follow up conversation on the new house are appropriate, whether to say congratulations/ ask about if it needs much work / any plans to decorate... things you might not ask a renter.

Weird. why would you say how you bought your house and how much if any mortgage on it. Just say you bought it, no other details required

I just can't imagine getting through an entire house move and then sale without telling anyone?! "Omg we've just moved and now the landlord needs to sell, but s/he's offered to sell to us but we hadn't rented expecting to buy This place so we need to work out if it's got the right compromises for us long term" type of thing.

Just say "Why do you want to know? "

You're being unreasonable and weird.

In what world is asking someone if they're still renting or if they've bought an 'intrusive' question? And why would you feel the need to tell them (or deliberately not tell them) that you don't have a mortgage? I imagine these people are just making polite conversation, and don't really give a shit.

I think realistically this isnt that weird of them...its small talk.
You reality is its weird to be in rented with high salaries and kids in the uk.
But I get you want to be private

We had the opposite
When people came to my new house it was like "YOU live HERE? YOU????"
"Did your parents give you money? Did his?" "How do you afford this????"

I wasnt going to give them a rundown of our finances.... but I found it very rude/ annoying just say "What a lovely home! Are you enjoying living here?"
We've been here 5 yes so the chat was mostly yr 1

Im fairly indifferent to what others think though

Yes, it might make some kind of far-fetched sense if there was any sound reason at all to conceal the fact that she owns her home without a mortgage, but there isn't.

Her post seems to me to be a simple variant of the "humblebrag".

"How can I brag to all and sundry about owning my own home outright, without it seeming like a brag? I know, I'll claim that far from wanting to brag about it, other people even knowing about it is something that deeply pains me..."

I think you’ll know people’s intentions better OP, because you know what they are like generally.

Having said that: in my circle it would come up, because very soon the chat would move to renovation etc which is obviously different in an owned property.

And among my closest friends we know exactly who is doing what financially. There are currently four of us moving/looking to move for various reasons and I could tell you who is buying or renting, what offers they have put in on which properties at what amount, how they are financing their moves and so on. It’s an ordinary topic of conversation.

I think it’s a fairly standard question to be honest. I’m more surprised that you say your real friends haven’t asked. I can’t imagine being that uninterested in a friend that i didn’t ask or that it didn’t come up in a conversation.

If I’d been in your position I’d have been whatsapping my friends saying “omg, the landlord has offered to sell to us “ and it would just be a conversation.

I do think you’re over thinking it and I wonder why you’d think people would look down on you if they thought you were renting. I wouldn’t. But also why if you think this you don’t say you’ve bought. I agree no need to say you e bought it outright.

It’s easy to say to not go into specifics, but when someone has already asked an intrusive question they are likely to ask another, so the questions never end.

Not sure why you think inviting the whole world to share her concerns keeps them "private" as long we don't know her personally, when her complaint about the "intrusive" people is that "they're not even close friends."

Like others have said, no point lying about renting, if you say you bought it, people will assume you have a mortgage.

The amount you paid will be on Zoopla etc so nosy people can look at that although most won't go to the extent of looking at the Land Registry information because you have to pay and they fear that you'll be notified or there will be a record that they've accessed it.

It's not always just small talk. People can be very nosy, judgemental and/or overbearing about these things, and some people get almost obsessive about property prices.
I was fairly relaxed about answering questions about my new home, and that seemed to encourage people I hadn't known for long (especially other owners) to say:
"How much did you pay for it, if you don't mind me asking",
"your bookcases annoy me",
"your mirror annoys me" and
"It's not very aesthetically pleasing, is it".
So, I don't think you're necessarily overthinking it, and you're right to keep your guard up.

It’s small talk. Do you feel judged by people? Do you feel you were looked down on for renting?

If they were being nosy they could just buy the title deeds for less than a tenner and they’d know you own it mortgage free (as no charge would show). But I doubt they really care , they are just making small talk.

Yes we bought it, I’m so excited/am nervous to decorate, any tips? Would change the flow of questions.

What is your real concern? Being judged for buying cash? Being thought of as being wealthy as you could buy cash? Did you buy the house is a pretty normal question and it can direct the flow of the conversation. No point talking about decorating or carpet fitters if you rent. If you own someone might then say ‘how is the decorating going? Did it need much doing? Maybe trying to build up more friendship or just general chat.

A true nosy one would check land reg and wonder why you lied!

I'm wondering if perhaps you felt a bit self conscious about being the only ones that were renting, but defensive of that position? So perhaps the reason that you find the question offensive now is that it feels to you that it comes with inherent judgement of the fact that you werre renting previously?

People are just making conversation. I might well ask similar in passing, e.g. if I knew you had been looking and wondered whether if you were still on the hunt for somewhere/were going to have the inconcenience of a subsequent move. I wouldn't be trying to scope out or judge your financial position.

She's not telling us her name and address fgs. Do you understand how an anonymous chat forum for advice and opinions works?

Well you're here online, happily telling strangers all the details of you buying your house without a mortgage, so the idea that you find this sort of thing terribly "intrusive" doesn't really convince.

I dont feel that narcissistic about it people ask questions because that is what people do it is small talk i dont think that deeply about them nor they think that deeply about me

Good way to make sure noone bothers to chat to you ever again, too