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Original poster

Need to uninvite someone from a girls weekend

242 replies

OITNB · 24/07/2026 22:38

I’m organising a mums’ weekend away later this year. I booked the accommodation and invited a group from our sons’ year at school. No money has changed hands yet.

Since the invitations went out, one of the women has had major fallings out with two of the others who are coming. There have been a number of arguments and it’s created quite a lot of tension within the wider year group.

It’s now got to the point where several people have told me they’re uncomfortable about the situation. To make matters worse, we’ve just found out that a number of us haven’t been invited to another social event that same weekend because she’s staying with us. Whether that’s right or wrong, it’s made the atmosphere even more awkward.

I now feel I’m in the position of having to tell her I don’t think she should stay with us anymore. Her son is friends with my son, so I’m conscious there will be fallout. Equally, I don’t want ten other people feeling uncomfortable all weekend.

Am I being unreasonable to withdraw the invitation before anyone has paid? If not, how would you word it?

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 24/07/2026 23:24

AppropriateAdult · 24/07/2026 23:06

If you do use that wording, please change the phrase “I think it’s best if we leave your place in the accommodation” - it’s clearly the crux of the whole message, and yet I can’t fathom what it means.

Glad I’m not the only one, I thought it was me @OITNB please check that sentence

AbzMoz · 24/07/2026 23:22

How does a girls’ weekend end in legal proceedings? And knowing this why on earth did any of you consider another girls’ weekend?!

oohgoodcupofteanicky · 24/07/2026 23:20

Ok it’s late and I’m tired but I’m confused by what you mean by a number of you not being invited to another social event that same weekend because she’ll be with you…but won’t you all be away so you wouldn’t be able to go anyway?!

UnintentionalArcher · 24/07/2026 23:16

@OITNB

Generally, I would say this is not your problem to solve. One or more of the other mums can choose to come or not come based on what’s happened. Their argument is nothing to do with you (assuming it actually isn’t) and as they’re adults, they can sort it out. I would never take on the role of adjudicator unless I absolutely had to. The only issue you’ve got is the deposit if lots pull out.

The only exception for me would be if the mum you’re worried about really had done something objectively terrible, not just an tit for tat argument, and, as a group, you all decided you didn’t want her there. Then it would be down to you as a collective to decide how to communicate that from all of you, not you as an individual.

ETA: The latter scenario would be really horrible so for me it would have to be really awful and one-sided to justify it.

thedogisfine · 24/07/2026 23:16

Do NOT send that message, fucking hell - that’s honestly something a teenager would think ok. bloody hell,

cancel the whole thing and take your family away there instead.

nothing good ever came from a ‘mums/girls weekend away’

Lougle · 24/07/2026 23:14

"Dear friend,

Thank you for sharing your concerns. I can absolutely see that I've been involved in a few dramas lately, and I recognise that it's impacting all of you.

Absolutely no worries about uninviting me. Completely the right thing to do. Don't you worry for one second that it will affect Harry and Archie's friendship - service continues as usual!

Let's do coffee next week and try that new cake!

Love and hugs,

Persona non grata"

Franjipanl8r · 24/07/2026 23:13

Why don’t you just message something like “how are you feeling about the weekend away, I’ve heard there’s been a bit of tension?” She might back out herself if you just check in with her. For all you know she’s trying to work out how to let you down gently.

If you send her a message bluntly uninviting her to the weekend, you will look like a first class bitch I’m afraid.

CunningLinguist2 · 24/07/2026 23:12

Velvera · 24/07/2026 23:09

It might start with and end with an F.

Show quote history

Or a “you stupid cunt canoe”. Can’t wait!

Sometimeswinning · 24/07/2026 23:10

OITNB · 24/07/2026 22:57

Thank you. I like this wording. I understand people are assuming this is a case of the group turning on one person. It isn’t. From my perspective, she’s been the common denominator in a number of separate fallings out since February. There have been repeated conflicts with different mums, including one she’s now in legal proceedings with over another girls’ weekend
That’s why I’ve reached this decision. I’ve already paid a deposit on the house, so cancelling the weekend doesn’t seem fair on everyone else. She could still come but I think it could be beyond awkward for everyone.

Show quote history

You’re getting involved where you
shouldn’t. It’s going to backfire massively. On you. No one else because you’re the one who’s putting themselves out. Leave it and let nature find its way.

You’ll be the hero of the group and then you’ll be the unreasonable one. Good luck!

Original poster
OITNB · 24/07/2026 23:10

Thanks everyone. I genuinely appreciate the different perspectives. There are obviously a lot of details I couldn’t include in one post, and I know people will come to different conclusions. It’s given me plenty to think about, so I’m going to have a good think before deciding what to do.
I tend to agree that we’re all adults and could maybe just try to get along for the weekend.

OP posts:
Velvera · 24/07/2026 23:09

B1anche · 24/07/2026 23:08

If you do send this wording, please let us know word for word how she responds!

Show quote history

It might start with and end with an F.

CunningLinguist2 · 24/07/2026 23:09

OITNB · 24/07/2026 22:57

Thank you. I like this wording. I understand people are assuming this is a case of the group turning on one person. It isn’t. From my perspective, she’s been the common denominator in a number of separate fallings out since February. There have been repeated conflicts with different mums, including one she’s now in legal proceedings with over another girls’ weekend
That’s why I’ve reached this decision. I’ve already paid a deposit on the house, so cancelling the weekend doesn’t seem fair on everyone else. She could still come but I think it could be beyond awkward for everyone.

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You “like this wording”??!! No surprise there as it’s feeding right into the narrative suiting your intention which is to “uninvite” one person.
it is not just giving “mean girls” energy, but it is immature, and bullying by exclusion.
If that’s your jam, go right on ahead with that message, but you WILL hurt the recipient & you WILL lose her respect & friendship.
Bon chance.

B1anche · 24/07/2026 23:08

OITNB · 24/07/2026 22:57

Thank you. I like this wording. I understand people are assuming this is a case of the group turning on one person. It isn’t. From my perspective, she’s been the common denominator in a number of separate fallings out since February. There have been repeated conflicts with different mums, including one she’s now in legal proceedings with over another girls’ weekend
That’s why I’ve reached this decision. I’ve already paid a deposit on the house, so cancelling the weekend doesn’t seem fair on everyone else. She could still come but I think it could be beyond awkward for everyone.

Show quote history

If you do send this wording, please let us know word for word how she responds!

Velvera · 24/07/2026 23:07

Just cancel. And FFS don't send that message.

AppropriateAdult · 24/07/2026 23:06

If you do use that wording, please change the phrase “I think it’s best if we leave your place in the accommodation” - it’s clearly the crux of the whole message, and yet I can’t fathom what it means.

Lougle · 24/07/2026 23:05

OITNB · 24/07/2026 22:57

Thank you. I like this wording. I understand people are assuming this is a case of the group turning on one person. It isn’t. From my perspective, she’s been the common denominator in a number of separate fallings out since February. There have been repeated conflicts with different mums, including one she’s now in legal proceedings with over another girls’ weekend
That’s why I’ve reached this decision. I’ve already paid a deposit on the house, so cancelling the weekend doesn’t seem fair on everyone else. She could still come but I think it could be beyond awkward for everyone.

Show quote history

"I hope you know this isn't about trying to hurt you, and I don't want it to affect the boys' friendship.....We can have a catch up next week over coffee/a drink/ something you normally do together."

🤣🤣🤣

You can hope all you want. It's never going to happen.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/07/2026 23:03

Too late now but never pay out for a group thing until everyone’s paid you!

What are the best and worse outcomes of uninviting her? Will your son be upset if she kicks off and it ruins the boys friendship? Why would she still want to go away with this group after all the drama? She's may cancel before you have to uninvite her.

Palomiino · 24/07/2026 23:03

OITNB · 24/07/2026 22:57

Thank you. I like this wording. I understand people are assuming this is a case of the group turning on one person. It isn’t. From my perspective, she’s been the common denominator in a number of separate fallings out since February. There have been repeated conflicts with different mums, including one she’s now in legal proceedings with over another girls’ weekend
That’s why I’ve reached this decision. I’ve already paid a deposit on the house, so cancelling the weekend doesn’t seem fair on everyone else. She could still come but I think it could be beyond awkward for everyone.

Show quote history

‘Legal proceedings after another girl’s weekend’?!

I think you’ve over-egged the pudding, there.

MyDarlingRose · 24/07/2026 23:01

Cancel the whole thing. It’s simply not OK to uninvite people.

PollyBell · 24/07/2026 22:59

I would cancel the whole thing everyone sounds less mature than children

Minasama · 24/07/2026 22:59

How old is everyone, 5?

I would get the money from them all sharpish so you don’t end up out of pocket.

This is not one you can control. Let those who want to drop out but make sure they’ve paid their share.

Gowlett · 24/07/2026 22:57

Never heard of school mums going away together… Surely a recipe for disaster? No help at all to you, just surprised that this is a thing!

Original poster
OITNB · 24/07/2026 22:57

AreGhostsJustFlatmatesWhoDontPayRent · 24/07/2026 22:44

Hi [Name].

I've been putting off sending this because I know it's not an easy conversation.

When I first organised the weekend to [wherever], I thought everyone would have a lovely time together.

Unfortunately, things have now changed quite a bit, and there's now a lot of tension within the group.

I've thought about it for a long time, and I don't think it's fair to anyone for us all to stay together for the weekend. Because of that, I think it's best if we leave your place in the accommodation.

I know this will probably be upsetting, and I'm really sorry, because it isn't a decision I've made lightly.

I hope you know this isn't about trying to hurt you, and I don't want it to affect the boys' friendship. I just don't think the current situation is going to make for a comfortable weekend for anyone involved.

We can have a catch up next week over coffee/a drink/ something you normally do together.

Thank you. I like this wording. I understand people are assuming this is a case of the group turning on one person. It isn’t. From my perspective, she’s been the common denominator in a number of separate fallings out since February. There have been repeated conflicts with different mums, including one she’s now in legal proceedings with over another girls’ weekend
That’s why I’ve reached this decision. I’ve already paid a deposit on the house, so cancelling the weekend doesn’t seem fair on everyone else. She could still come but I think it could be beyond awkward for everyone.

OP posts:
AbzMoz · 24/07/2026 22:55

What’s the crux of the argument? Is it worth trying to mediate? Why have you determined that it’s the one lady’s fault - because she’s less popular and now you’ve been excluded from something else?
If she’s genuinely at fault it’s likely worth pointing that out and trying to get an apology or some resolution. If she doesn’t want to do that then that opens the way to say that the weekend won’t be pleasant so does she just want to opt out…

FenywHysbys · 24/07/2026 22:55

It’s not your argument, so don’t get involved (particularly when others try to get you on their ‘side’) - if someone chooses not to come, it’s their decision.