Need to uninvite someone from a girls weekend

I’d pull out yourself. Nominate someone as the lead and let them all decide if they want to carry on without you

Why are you listening to complaints from the other parents about the argument. It has nothing in do with anyone other than the parents involved.
You cannot cancel on one person. Cancel the whole thing.
I can’t believe school mum friends actually socialise for a weekend away.

How old are the children?

That would be a really horrible thing to do. Singling one person out. I personally couldn't do it.

It’s not worth the hassle. I personally stay away from drama but some people thrive on it.

I have thought about it, but I’ve already paid a non refundable 50% deposit on the house. It doesn’t seem fair to cancel the whole weekend for ten other people because of one person’s behaviour.

This is the reason you never pay a deposit before getting the money from others. I’d rather lose the deposit than be involved in any of this drama, let the drama unfold without you being involved and find another friendship group. How people can be bothered with this drama in their lives is mind boggling, concentrate on your own family and let them all squabble between themselves would be my advice.

But she was the one being sued by another mum. OP said "The legal proceedings I mentioned relate to another mum suing her to recover a deposit for a shared hotel room after they fell out." She's not the litigious one.

You all sound about 12.

This group of Mums sound complely derranged. Surely it takes at least two to tango? Could you cancel the Mums and use it for a group of family or colleagues?

Agreed.

Blimey, at least read the first three sentences.

I just wouldn't organise it. But if its too late to cancel let it just go ahead. Not your fault if they're all at each others throats. Sounds like a fun time - not.

This
cancel it especially if no money has changed hands and then you can re-visit it when hopefully things have calmed down a bit.

I had a similar issue but on a smaller scale. I had to uninvite someone from my leaving do from work. I didn’t know but she had pissed quite a few people off by snooping on them and reporting them for minor offences to try to get them into trouble (in the meantime she left suddenly herself). It was beyond awkward but it had to be done, otherwise everyone else would’ve cancelled and it would’ve been just me and her. I just said I’d had some feedback that it wasn’t appropriate for her to come and I was sorry. Major cringe though.

This. My crystal ball tells me, on receipt of OPs message, left out woman is going to message the other women telling them OP has excluded her, and do they not want her to go.
To which the majority are going to say "Ooh, no, not me! I never said such a thing".
Then left out woman falls out with OP and the other women flip flop from one side to another, depending on who has the greatest social value at any given time.
OP, I'd not touch this with a barge pole. If people who aren't you don't want her there, they need to tell her.

They're all adults. You aren't the one having falling outs. Go along with your original plan and let them sort it out amongst themselves. It sounds like ridiculous behaviour for a group of parents.

Jeez - do not ask her for money as it sounds like she'd cancel down the line anyway and have you lined up for the next legal action.

Inform the people you still want to go on holiday with, then 'cancel' it in the group chat, delete the group chat, then set up a new group chat without her in it.

Or cancel it properly and take your family.

Who wants to spend a weekend with a litigious acquaintance?

Seriously 😟

@OITNB speak to her directly, don’t send a message. It’s highly likely she doesn’t want to go now anyway - she’ll be aware of how uncomfortable and awkward it would be if she did.

I'm worried that you have already paid a 50% non-refundable deposit without collecting money from anyone else. What happens if/when several others drop out? If you don't uninvite this woman (and I agree that would be mean) what are the chances everyone else will want to go? Is your ideal solution that she withdraws and someone else takes her place, or the remaining women all pay more?

'Hi son's friend's mum,
Just checking on how you feel about the upcoming weekend with all that has gone on. I totally understand if you don't want to attend due to xyz. We haven't paid anything yet so if you do want to back out it's no worries - I don't want you to be uncomfortable and think it might be better if perhaps me and you do something with the boys later in the year'

Is a kinder way to word it. How do the other mums feel though?

Unless it’s really obvious shitty behaviour on her part then you shouldn’t really be taking sides. And honestly, would she actually still want to come if she’s fallen out with some of the other women? Why aren’t they being the ones to tell her not to come if they’ve got a problem with her? Sounds like you want to get yourself ingrained in the drama, I just wouldn’t.

Legal proceedings over another girls weekend?! I can't imagine what this could be but I'd be worried about going on a weekend away with her if this is her track record!

ETA: just saw your most recent post after I'd commented OP re this lady being sued by another mum over a hotel deposit. WTF?! Who are these people?

I'm curious about what sort of school your kids are at now that the mums are organising regular group holidays and suing each other over hotel deposits?!

This.

Edited to say.. you posted the above as I was writing this.. I see you are stepping back which. My post below was about the letter that was suggested.

I think the letter might sound reasonable on the surface, but the undertones are horrible and don't think she won't see that.

Sorry but knowing the background it sounds awful and fake, like a HR trying to sack you but sugar coating it.

I doubt she even wants to come at this stage. But why not just be honest. Just simply ask her in a phone call. or face to face.

"Look. I know everyone has fallen out with each other and I just wanted to know if you still want to come on this weekend or not? What would you like to do?

And see what she says.

If you want to be neutral - that is the way to do it. But it feels like you don't want to fall out with the rest of the group but at the same time don't want to be seen to be the one that cuts her loose. But you also don't want her on your weekend.

Also why are you worrying so much about the other mums feelings and trying to safeguard them? Let them worry about themselves. There are always two sides to every fall out, whatever the other mums have told you. Exclusion is never nice.

Your sons are friends....they don't deserve all this. You are more likely to keep her co-operation if you are honest with her.