Need to uninvite someone from a girls weekend

Hi [Name].

I've been putting off sending this because I know it's not an easy conversation.

When I first organised the weekend to [wherever], I thought everyone would have a lovely time together.

Unfortunately, things have now changed quite a bit, and there's now a lot of tension within the group.

I've thought about it for a long time, and I don't think it's fair to anyone for us all to stay together for the weekend. Because of that, I think it's best if we leave your place in the accommodation.

I know this will probably be upsetting, and I'm really sorry, because it isn't a decision I've made lightly.

I hope you know this isn't about trying to hurt you, and I don't want it to affect the boys' friendship. I just don't think the current situation is going to make for a comfortable weekend for anyone involved.

We can have a catch up next week over coffee/a drink/ something you normally do together.

I have thought about it, but I’ve already paid a non refundable 50% deposit on the house. It doesn’t seem fair to cancel the whole weekend for ten other people because of one person’s behaviour.

Thanks everyone. I can see why it comes across the way it does. I think I’ll leave the invitation as it is and let the adults sort out their own relationships. Hopefully everyone can just enjoy the weekend, and things may well have settled down by then.
The legal proceedings I mentioned relate to another mum suing her to recover a deposit for a shared hotel room after they fell out. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it, as it’s potentially outing but could see a few questions about it. This has all happened after we asked her.

This.

Edited to say.. you posted the above as I was writing this.. I see you are stepping back which. My post below was about the letter that was suggested.

I think the letter might sound reasonable on the surface, but the undertones are horrible and don't think she won't see that.

Sorry but knowing the background it sounds awful and fake, like a HR trying to sack you but sugar coating it.

I doubt she even wants to come at this stage. But why not just be honest. Just simply ask her in a phone call. or face to face.

"Look. I know everyone has fallen out with each other and I just wanted to know if you still want to come on this weekend or not? What would you like to do?

And see what she says.

If you want to be neutral - that is the way to do it. But it feels like you don't want to fall out with the rest of the group but at the same time don't want to be seen to be the one that cuts her loose. But you also don't want her on your weekend.

Also why are you worrying so much about the other mums feelings and trying to safeguard them? Let them worry about themselves. There are always two sides to every fall out, whatever the other mums have told you. Exclusion is never nice.

Your sons are friends....they don't deserve all this. You are more likely to keep her co-operation if you are honest with her.

I know it’s not being sent but my god that first suggested messsge is so AI it’s sickening
can people really not tell?

fair point, we are all women in our 50’s and boys are 17. We have now decided a couple of the women are going to meet with the other woman and have a chat face to face. So thank you all for your responses.

Hi [Name].

I've been putting off sending this because I know it's not an easy conversation.

When I first organised the weekend to [wherever], I thought everyone would have a lovely time together.

Unfortunately, things have now changed quite a bit, and there's now a lot of tension within the group.

I've thought about it for a long time, and I don't think it's fair to anyone for us all to stay together for the weekend. Because of that, I think it's best if we leave your place in the accommodation.

I know this will probably be upsetting, and I'm really sorry, because it isn't a decision I've made lightly.

I hope you know this isn't about trying to hurt you, and I don't want it to affect the boys' friendship. I just don't think the current situation is going to make for a comfortable weekend for anyone involved.

We can have a catch up next week over coffee/a drink/ something you normally do together.

Blimey, at least read the first three sentences.

If this is real, and you are going to uninvite her you will also presumably need to reimburse her for what she paid.

I think I would cancel for everyone and stay out if thw hassle OP.

Why don’t you just message something like “how are you feeling about the weekend away, I’ve heard there’s been a bit of tension?” She might back out herself if you just check in with her. For all you know she’s trying to work out how to let you down gently.

If you send her a message bluntly uninviting her to the weekend, you will look like a first class bitch I’m afraid.

Thanks everyone. I can see why it comes across the way it does. I think I’ll leave the invitation as it is and let the adults sort out their own relationships. Hopefully everyone can just enjoy the weekend, and things may well have settled down by then.
The legal proceedings I mentioned relate to another mum suing her to recover a deposit for a shared hotel room after they fell out. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it, as it’s potentially outing but could see a few questions about it. This has all happened after we asked her.

I’m organising a mums’ weekend away later this year. I booked the accommodation and invited a group from our sons’ year at school. No money has changed hands yet.

Since the invitations went out, one of the women has had major fallings out with two of the others who are coming. There have been a number of arguments and it’s created quite a lot of tension within the wider year group.

It’s now got to the point where several people have told me they’re uncomfortable about the situation. To make matters worse, we’ve just found out that a number of us haven’t been invited to another social event that same weekend because she’s staying with us. Whether that’s right or wrong, it’s made the atmosphere even more awkward.

I now feel I’m in the position of having to tell her I don’t think she should stay with us anymore. Her son is friends with my son, so I’m conscious there will be fallout. Equally, I don’t want ten other people feeling uncomfortable all weekend.

Am I being unreasonable to withdraw the invitation before anyone has paid? If not, how would you word it?

I have thought about it, but I’ve already paid a non refundable 50% deposit on the house. It doesn’t seem fair to cancel the whole weekend for ten other people because of one person’s behaviour.

She is being sued as she refused to give the mum her money back