To be pissed off DS broke my trust and I need to tell the girls mum?

You might not be asking about allowing sleepovers at that age but still, you shouldn’t. As for this situation? They had sex and flushed that condom afterwards. He lied to you because he’s a teenager and you’re absurdly credulous.

Hang on

Ds1 didn't pressure his girlfriend into sex age 13-15

But also

Ds1 is gay? And hit puberty later?

Do you think those things could possibly be related??

Do you want your DS to become a dad right now? Your parenting has been a bit shit, but hopefully the kids have shown more sense than you.

No, I wouldn’t tell the girls mum but no more sleepovers.

You must have enjoyed having a baby at 16 and awful lot because you're pretty desperate for your own children to follow suit, aren't you?

Did you tell the girl's mum that her daughter would be sleeping in the same bedroom as your son?

If you did and she was ok with that I wouldn't bother because, as you can see from the responses here, most people wouldn't be surprised that teenagers may very well have sex given those circumstances. If you didn't tell her then please take note of what has been said here and appreciate that a lot of parents do not share your view and, going forward, ask your son's girlfriends' parents if they are happy for their daughter to share a bedroom with your son.

You need to at least have a conversation with the girl’s mum to say both of you made the wrong decision to allow the sleepever and it won’t happen again.

You are literally asking history to repeat itself and find yourself a grandma in your 30s. Yes you absolutely need to inform the girls mother. She needs to be on the pill, there's no going back.

It’s not. We don’t have statutory rape in the UK.

A consenting 13 year old can’t rape another consenting 13 year old. Who’s the guilty one? They’re both victims of their own behaviour.

The legalities are irrelevant.

Common sense dictates you don’t allow sleepovers with hormone driven teenagers of opposite genders. He hasn’t broken your trust at all, you’ve given consent for him to experiment.

YABU unreasonable to think your 13 year old neurodivergent child broke your trust when you wilfully placed him and another child in such a vulnerable position. As and adult and parent you failed to keep them safe so this is all on you not your child.

Your reasoning is BS. Perfectly possible to have firm boundaries and an open and honest relationship with your child. If this is real get some counselling before you allow child to be in any more vulnerable situations.

This. Bordering on procurement tbh.

@Lavender317
Ever heard of Occams Razor????

Your 13 child shagged that child because you enabled and facilitated it.

Your rationale for sleepovers is imo ridiculous imo and you shpuld knock them on the head.

Yes, tell the girl's mum. She will be the one who has to deal with it when her daughter gets pregnant. Hopefully she will stop her daughter sleeping over or at the very least have a conversation.

You are both as irresponsible as each other.

Allowing sleepovers at that age is saying "go and have sex with my blessing". You seem to think that being permissive means you'll have a better relationship. That isn't the case.

TBH the girls mother is just as bad!

@Lavender317 you’re more concerned what posters will say about you vacuuming his room?🤔

Sorry OP, but this is poor parenting on your part. Your decision making process is skewed - surely you must know this. Cannot believe the girl's parents allowed this either.

The very first line of your post says that your DS is “ different”. You seem in denial about his ASD diagnosis. He won’t have been diagnosed just based on delayed speech nor will he have outgrown his diagnosis. He is autistic.

Even if he’s bright as you say, he’s likely to be not as emotionally mature as a typically developing 13 year old. As a PP said what do you know about autism and puberty?
The NAS run a Teenlife parent programme. It would be good to access this or similar if available in your area.

I’m surprised that the girl’s parents allowed her to stay over but doubt that they knew the full story.
If you decide to tell her parents you will need to deal with the fall out but they need to share responsibility.

Well, all I can say is that for your first post--you started with a biggie!

Yes, it can happen anywhere, that doesn't mean that you should facilitate your 13 year old having sex under your roof. Your job as a parent is meant to be to do everything in your power to stop this from happening. You might not be able to control what happens outside your house but inside it you absolutely can and should. They are children. What did the girls parents think the sleeping arrangements would be? I cant imagine 2 sets of parents being ok with this situation. Completely bizarre

For goodness sake you may as well buy them a crib and some baby clothes if you carry on allowing this. My son is 13 and has not shown any interest in girls (or boys) yet but I would never allow this in a million years

Your son is lying to you.
Yes, you need speak to the girl's mum.

I think you are getting an unfair response on here. I can see your reasoning behind allowing sleepovers.
I was also allowed sleep overs with male friends as a child and i actually think it was very beneficial to me and my attitude towards boys and men. Absolutely nothing untoward ever happened to me during these sleepovers which were with friends.
I would say though that usually it would be a group, like thered be a few of us mixed sex. And wed watch a film and eat some takeaway and the boys would be on air mattresses and the girl might be in my bed or on air msttresses.
When it was just one boy we were allowed sleep overs but in seperate rooms to sleep.
I did not do anything sexual with any boy until i was in my late teens and was officially in a relationship with this boy.
I was always very open with my parents due to their trust in me and liberal attitudes. I would not have lied about whether someone was just a friemd or not. Nor would i have lied about having sex. Because thered be no need!! I knew my parents wouldnt judge me and i could go to them for help and advice.

So i do see the point of being trusting.
And i do think your son is telling the truth.
You forget what a big deal having sex for the first time is even for boys. Hes 13. His story about just messing about with the condom to amuse her is much more likely than them having had sex.
Theres no way i would habe trued to habe sex at 13 even tho my parents let me have mixed sex sleepovers. And i honestly dont think any of those 13 yo boys would have ever trued to at that age either. No normal kid of 13 has that type of confidence or interest in going thst far im sorry but they dont. A bit of kissing maybe.
Yeah there are some kids out there having sex at 13 but i venture to say those kids are quite troubled and have a lot of other stuff going on
Your son sounds like just a normal boy. His story sounds pretty plausable

But in future i would put a bit more safeguarding in place with this.
Stuff like if its just him and one girl then they csn watch a film together in his room but when u go to ned for the night she needs to go sleep in a seperate room. Until the age of 16 at least. Just to protect the girls from feeling any pressure etc
I get where you are coming from tho but i do think you should just have a little more boundary now that hes entering his teens

Anyway, you're to blame, so be pissed off at yourself.

And don't do it again.

Let her stay oerhaps in another room.
If he is sexually active he needs to remain safe.
If he was playing with a condom and ripping ibto it i do beleive so its possible as when sex education is on at school guess what we find in a nearby areas including tampons..
People need to lighten up about interactions or is is closed.monded in Uk?
Gays are highly likely to get hiv as welll as sti's.
Go educate yourself in being ok with sexual health.
Btw i had a posting at a chemist as a teen..took a packet of condoms to camp to be silly with...i was never sexually active to very late teens.
Good luck for the slaying and judgemental shite its pathetic.

If this is true:

yes, you need to tell the girl’s mother. Tell her that you found a condom wrapper and not the condom so she can talk to her daughter

I don’t want to be nasty or write anything unhelpful, but you need to get your head straight. The parental remedy to you getting pregnant at 16, and being secretive with your parents is NOT providing places at home where your young and teenage children can be sexual with a friend. That’s what you’ve done here.
What you’ve described here about sleep overs in the same room is inappropriate.