Do you believe in this often said term?

Nope. There’s too much cruelty and bad things that happen - what would the reason be?
My DH died suddenly at 51. What’s the reason behind that? My daughter was diagnosed with MS at 17. I can’t see any positives (which is what I think people mean by ‘a reason’, that’s there’s an upside to whatever it is that’s happened).
And it’s not at all comforting to hear either.

@AnneLovesGilbert My God people can be so stupid.
What an idiotic thing to say to someone with your history and struggles.

No, I don’t believe in fate. I hate it when people say to me because it makes me feel antagonistic on top of whatever shit thing has happened!

No. It's an inane platitude. No thought or reason behind it.
For example little kids get cancer.
What possible reason is there for that?

I think it can help some people to try and fit a narrative to their own suffering and give the experience some sort of meaning. Problem is it can be applied to all suffering, sometimes suffering is going to be completely pointless and achieve nothing.

No, it’s rubbish. And can be hugely hurtful. I had 5 miscarriages before my first child and the number of people who used the phrase as if it was in any way helpful or supportive was staggering. There was a reason, my body couldn’t sustain a pregnancy without the right meds and we hadn’t worked out what they were yet but fuckssake I didn’t need people yapping on in such a glib fashion as yet again I went through such an awful experience. “I’m really sorry” would have done the job.

It’s trite, meaningless bullshit and a colossally insensitive thing to say to someone who has had a hard time.

It’s a bit trite but assuming the people saying it were doing so with the right intentions/from a good place, I wouldn’t hold it against them.

Sorry about your bad news @Kate879. I’ve been made redundant twice throughout my nearly 30 years of working and it does feel rubbish, so you truly have my empathy. However, I would say that whilst the uncertainty and upheaval involved is never pleasant, in almost all of the redundancy situations I’m personally aware of over the years, each person ended up much happier, with roles elsewhere, working for better companies and getting higher pay/enhanced benefits.

The best of luck to you - I hope everything works out.

No. It's total bollocks. Like "fate", "karma" or "the one".

Utter nonsense.

I dont believe in fate or destiny as per this saying.
However i do believe that sometimes bad things often unlock much better opportunities

@Kate879 technically I suppose it’s true, there are reasons why everything happens it’s just often they’re not positive or particularly fair.

The phrase is interpreted to mean that ultimately something better will happen as a result but that’s not what the words literally mean. For example being made redundant, the actual reason is company restructuring but someone might try to put a positive spin on if that it gave the person a push to try something new. You broke your leg because the steps were icy, that’s the reason but someone could argue that it made you take stock of your life and what’s important, not taking your mobility for granted and giving you a new perspective.

So yes everything happens for a reason because that’s how things work but it doesn’t necessarily mean it was for a good reason or will have a positive ‘karmic’ outcome.

I think that the problem is that humans look for patterns. It’s always possible to relate back from something and find a “reason”. But one thing always leads to another. There’s always a chain of events. If one thing hadn’t happened then something else would’ve happened and that, too, would have been a “reason”.

It’s inane claptrap.

You might end up looking back on bad things that happened and reflecting on how things turned out better than you thought at the time, or led you to new things, but there’s no mystical guiding force that plots it all out as The Reason.

I don’t think that things happen for a reason

I do think that many people manage to turn a really bad situation into something that is long term positive - they use the chance to change and reflect and end up - through their own efforts with luck on their side - in a better place

No and I think it’s a pointless, empty thing to say. Better to say “hopefully something much better is around the corner” or something.

Edited to add, it’s ok to say further down the line when the person is back on their feet- now I’m happily married to my husband I would happily say it about the horrible break up that I went through with my ex. If I was still with him I wouldn’t have ended up with someone better…

Not at all. I understand though that people are wanting to say something positive and think this is it. What they that mean I think is that things will turn out well even though you are struggling right now.

It’s patent nonsense, OP. But try to keep calm. If you lose your job, you will figure something else out.

It's not true at all.

We don't live in a deterministic universe. There's no plan, no power watching over us.

I hate them all! They're just meaningless platitudes. EHFAR is so insensitive, What's for you.... is depressing. There are plenty of people in this country with sweet FA. Everything has passed and will continue to pass them. There is literally nothing for them. The universe does not have a plan for you. How on earth can it? And when one door closes, another one slams shut in your face!

A simple 'I'm sorry to hear that, I hope things improve ' will do just fine.

No I don’t. I also don’t believe what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger- it often makes us weaker!

No. I’d find it intensely irritating and patronising. It’s similar to ‘what’s meant to be will be’ or ‘the universe has a plan for you’.

Meaningless drivel spouted by the stupid.

No

The oft used MN phrase from years ago (haven’t seen it for a while) was “This too shall pass”.

Now that I agree with. So I find it more comforting than something that is more optimistic but I simply don’t believe.

"Shit happens" is less flowery but lands much better. To say everything happens for a reason simply isn't true.

Worse still is when someone says "it'll be ok" when they have absolutely nothing to base this on. It might actually be really awful and stupid platitudes aren't going to help.

When our DS was ill our vicar was really supportive. She said at one point, that she was not one of those church people who say 'God's will' or 'It's a test of your faith' and that she believed 'shit happens but support through friendship, fellowship and prayer helps and good friends offer practical help with compassion'

So no, neither I nor the vicar agree