Do you believe in this often said term?

Things happen to everyone. It doesn’t mean it was through a pre-written script.

Why and how do you believe it’s true. Is it true for everything or just some things?

Not everything, but I do believe some things happen for a reason. When something bad happens that I have no control over I think to myself, it is what it is. What's the sentence from the serenity prayer? Accept the things you can't change. These both help me.

I absolutely believe it due to things that have happened to me

Its one of those platitudes that people say when they dont really know what to say. For me its a non religious version of 'god has a plan for you' which i also dont buy into! I prefer 'you are where you are supposed to be at this moment' which i take to mean, I can take a lesson, learn or come back stronger from that moment, as opposed to it being about 'fate' which i dont believe in

Absolutely fucking not and I hate it when people say shit like that, I can think of some god awful things that have happened and are happening in the world that I can very much guarantee have not happened for a reason. Some things are just shit and that’s all that needs to be said

No

but it can help to stay positive and know hat some positive things will happen only because of the shit you are into now.

You can't really go through life thinking you are doomed and unlucky

I don't ike that one at all - it's no comfort if for example you want children but can:t have them .

For me it's one where if I'm with a friend going through something awful and they say it then that's fine, if thinking about it that way helps then I'm perfectly happy to go along with it. I'd never ever say it first though.

Well, I can’t vote as not sure which is which.

I do believe everything happens for a reason. A reason can be anything, no idea why people think this refers to a great plan by some deity or the fates. The reason can even be because you fell pregnant and your boss is a misogynist, you lost your job. Sometimes the reason can be your own self…ie because I braked for a suicidal squirrel I crashed my car.

So yes, everything happens for a reason.

But, I agree with you it’s not consolation. It’s more a statement of the obvious. We all know things happen for a reason and we are always second guessing where things went sideways and why.

Maybe the expression is meant to be more of gesture of I get you, shit happens, we’ve all been there but you’ll get through it.

‘Everything happens for a reason’ I buy into only from a cause and effect (there is a reason your job is insecure)…it’s not something that is predicting something that will happen as a result.

I don't think it always true but the two worst things that ever happened to me (at the time) did turn out to have unexpected advantages, so much so that looking back I wouldn't change them even though they were horrific when they happened. I couldn't have known that at the time so no doubt hearing 'everything happens for a reason' wouldn't have helped and may well have upset/annoyed me though!

I'm not sure I do, but I do look back on shit times of my life and try to find comfort in what's happened after. Try to find reasons why it happened and what good things came from it. I don't think saying to someone going through a shit time that everything happens for a reason is helpful in the slightest.

I believe it’s true but I wouldn’t say it to someone because it’s a cliché and annoying. It is super hard to know what to say to people going through a bad time though as people want different things. Some people want advice, others want to simply rant into the void, some want you to take their mind off it with humour, some want you to share a similar story so they don’t feel alone, others hate that because they think that’s you turning the attention back to yourself.

I would generally stick with a simple acknowledgement like “I hope things work out for you with work, it sounds like a worrying time.” But that’s also probably the wrong thing to say to some people.

No I don’t. I do believe in the saying “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade” though. As in look for the positives in things that are on the face of it negative. Particularly in relation to my infertility.

Sorry for your heartbreaking losses. I also had this said to me after failed IVF and a stillbirth. It's a smug, nasty thing to say. Like the person who is saying it is explaining away their own good fortune by making out there's some universal plan and mine and yours happened to be one of loss and heartache. It's also a misguided attempt to make you find meaning in what is actually random bad luck. I had a very bad spell of mental.health problems searching for meaning in my losses. I drove myself near to the edge thinking if I could learn the lesson all would be well, or if I'd learned the lesson I could have prevented the losses. It's dangerous stuff

Yeah, exactly the way I see it.

That is the fundamental difference. Happening for a reason is woo as you’re (not you personally) saying it was pre-ordained, pre-scripted as if it’s an already written life story, for you to then unknowingly play out. A reason for is cause and effect. I dropped the banana skin, slipped and broke my ankle. Cause + effect. There was no reason why the universe had to or needed to break my ankle, which would be ‘happening for a reason’.

I hate it too. It seems in general to be said by people who haven't experienced awful things in their life.

No I hate this phrase. Things just happen. Just because something else worked out better that didn’t mean the other thing did happen for a reason. It means we try to look for some positive in everything to help cope with life

In that case 'for a reason' must be just woo woo nonsense then. It happened because her employer had a reason to want it to happen. Not because the stars or fate were somehow involved.

Reason for and for a reason are two very different things.

It's a way of consoling someone when something happens outside of their control. I mean yes, there was a reason, probably to do with your employer wanting to keep their own pockets full. But that reason isn't valid as far as you're concerned so yeah, not especially helpful.

No. What’s the reason for loss of a child? Or children dying in war or disaster. The phrase is annoyingly glib.

No of course not. It’s complete nonsense. It’s a vacuous saying said by silly people.