Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you believe in this often said term?

113 replies

Kate879 · 24/07/2026 20:48

I’ve had some bad news this week re. my job security and I know people are trying to be helpful but “everything happens for a reason” isn’t a consolation at the moment.

Do you believe that to be true?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
CoffeeCantata · 27/07/2026 09:55

It depends what you mean, OP. Of course things happen for a reason because they have a cause. You tripped over that toy because it was there and you weren't looking where you were going.

But if you mean 'is there someone somewhere looking out for us and controlling our destinies?', then, no, there isn't.

The universe obeys the laws Newton and Einstein and others have described. But there's no protective or governing consciousness - so things appear random.

Do our lives have any meaning? They have the meaning we each choose to give them, and that's completely up to us - no-one else.

HelpMeGetThrough · 27/07/2026 08:12

It’s a stupid comment, said by people that should keep their mouth shut.

One of my colleagues said this to someone in our team and the response back was “yes you twat I know that, the reason is, they want to save money!!”

He had a point.

EveryDayisFriday · 27/07/2026 07:41

I suppose everything does happen for a reason, that might be a good or bad reason.

How you manage the aftermath of a big change is the biggest flex. Stress/ upheaval/ change is difficult but if you are able to grow/ level up and create a better life from that change then the juice was worth the squeeze.

Owly11 · 27/07/2026 07:36

Well there will be a reason, eg company reorganisation, company profits down, job taken over by AI etc, but it makes absolutely no difference to you what the reason is. You will still be out of a job. The most helpful thing someone said to me when I was at a very dark low time of life was something along the lines of 'things can change, things will get better at some point. Life can be shit for even a long time and then one day you turn a corner and things are good again'. It really gave me hope.

chirrupybird · 27/07/2026 07:25

Worse things happen at sea.

I guess it's cup half full or cup half empty territory. You can't do anything about it, but you can decide it will lead to better things or get really depressed about it. Better to try and see the positives even if it all looks bleak.

SALaw · 27/07/2026 07:21

I don’t but I have seen people move on to better things in such circumstances so I think it can have a positive impact depending upon what you do next and what your options are.

BunnyLake · 27/07/2026 07:14

Loubelou71 · 26/07/2026 21:15

I believe it . I once didn't get a job I desperately wanted but a short while later another opportunity came along and I have always believed that was waiting for me and that is the reason I didn't get it.

Why is this phrase always about job! It’s never about a kid who becomes an orphan at two or the mass shooting of a school is it? There must be some celestial recruitment agency somewhere planning all this.

UnaGatita · 26/07/2026 21:22

I hope that when you are sorted with some other work that is more secure you can look back and find some ‘reasons’. There will be positives that come from this - maybe making you more resilient, always having a back-up plan, saving/investing more, living a simpler life, focusing on the value of friends/family who are supportive.

But right now, it’s a crap saying and of no use to you at all. Good luck in the coming months, I hope you find a solution soon

DryadsRest · 26/07/2026 21:20

its not a helpful phrase when you’re facing uncertainty that affects your ability to fund basic living costs!

especially if it comes from someone more financially stable than you!! And they literally utter the phrase and blithely move on to the next topic of conversation!

Just about ok to say to someone after they’ve been through a rough patch of some sort and are now in a better place!

Loubelou71 · 26/07/2026 21:15

I believe it . I once didn't get a job I desperately wanted but a short while later another opportunity came along and I have always believed that was waiting for me and that is the reason I didn't get it.

BunnyLake · 26/07/2026 20:48

Mum2Fergus · 26/07/2026 11:48

‘Everything happens for a reason’ I buy into only from a cause and effect (there is a reason your job is insecure)…it’s not something that is predicting something that will happen as a result.

Cause and effect is more like the opposite of everything happens for a reason.

BunnyLake · 26/07/2026 20:44

nomas · 26/07/2026 19:31

Ouch, it’s not something I would say to someone who has had bad news.

I do believe in fate and I do believe things happen for a reason, but I would be watching the tone or facial expression of someone who said this to me. Some people do like to rub it in.

What makes you think things happen for a reason? Who or what has decided that reason and why have they? For example, your beloved pet died because it ate a poisonous mushroom. Why would you believe that was pre ordained?

nomas · 26/07/2026 19:31

Ouch, it’s not something I would say to someone who has had bad news.

I do believe in fate and I do believe things happen for a reason, but I would be watching the tone or facial expression of someone who said this to me. Some people do like to rub it in.

HumbleKatey · 26/07/2026 19:27

Kate879 · 24/07/2026 20:48

I’ve had some bad news this week re. my job security and I know people are trying to be helpful but “everything happens for a reason” isn’t a consolation at the moment.

Do you believe that to be true?

Things do not happen for a reason. Things just happen.

Bigcat25 · 26/07/2026 19:20

No and it can actually be offensive. There's no higher order arranging every little thing.

The young child killed in an accident didn't not "happen for a reason," or x person losing both parents in one year for example. My house getting robbed of family heirlooms, or so and so getting raped. Offensive! Sorry for the rant but I hate this.

BunnyLake · 26/07/2026 19:15

incognito1991 · 26/07/2026 18:54

No and it’s like people who believe in karma, if true why do bad things happen to good people and why do bad people get everything

And why do bad people have this ability to live longer than good people. That really makes me mad!

BunnyLake · 26/07/2026 19:13

RanniTheWitch · 26/07/2026 17:21

Yeah I believe everything happens for a reason, not just some things.

As to ‘why and how’, it’s just a personal choice. The thing is, nobody knows how the universe works, you can believe in anything you want, whether that’s cosmic contingency, monotheism, pantheism, or simulation theory, and nobody can say for sure that you’re wrong or right. So why wouldn’t you choose to believe in something that makes you happy?

Like I say though I never say “everything happens for a reason” to people who need comforting. There is a time and a place to discuss the merits of epistemic humility and epistemic autonomy, and someone telling you they’re going through a tough time is not it.

Fair enough, it’s your right to believe in what you want. I’m firmly opposite your belief but at least you have the emotional intelligence not to say it at inappropriate times, unlike some.

incognito1991 · 26/07/2026 18:54

No and it’s like people who believe in karma, if true why do bad things happen to good people and why do bad people get everything

plasticplate · 26/07/2026 18:53

I believe in shit happens and then you try and get on with it and in most cases people do.

MandemChickenShop · 26/07/2026 18:44

it's just a few words people offer as a way to support and help. just like "you only regret the things you don't do etc ".

obviously not a universal truth

BangBangBangBangBang · 26/07/2026 18:39

No, not in a woo sense and it's an annoying thing to say.

However I do think that people are resilient and that this sort of crisis can be the spur that leads to something even better, so that you then look back and think "ah if I hadn't been made redundant from Bloggs & Co I wouldn't now be chief exec of IBM". But it's not fate, it's human resilience, resourcefulness and effort.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 26/07/2026 18:36

I don't think I have said it to others in a situation like yours but I do believe it when looking at events in my own life.

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 26/07/2026 17:32

I don’t believe it at all. I do believe that just because something bad happens to you, it doesn’t mean your life is over and you can still experience joy and good things. Some of these things may even be better than you had before, but that doesn’t mean they are “the reason” for the bad thing happening. Sometimes things can just be shit.

Scorpion84 · 26/07/2026 17:27

Mpll · 24/07/2026 20:51

Absolutely not. I’m not sure what the reason was for multiple miscarriages and subsequent permanent infertility.

My experience also and a massive reason why I hate this expression

RanniTheWitch · 26/07/2026 17:21

BunnyLake · 26/07/2026 14:48

Why and how do you believe it’s true. Is it true for everything or just some things?

Yeah I believe everything happens for a reason, not just some things.

As to ‘why and how’, it’s just a personal choice. The thing is, nobody knows how the universe works, you can believe in anything you want, whether that’s cosmic contingency, monotheism, pantheism, or simulation theory, and nobody can say for sure that you’re wrong or right. So why wouldn’t you choose to believe in something that makes you happy?

Like I say though I never say “everything happens for a reason” to people who need comforting. There is a time and a place to discuss the merits of epistemic humility and epistemic autonomy, and someone telling you they’re going through a tough time is not it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread