AIBU to expect husband to continue paying the mortgage?

They do…and to women who’ve fled if they want to maintain their credit rating

What were these big bill days?

OP get legal advice, it is likely he needs to pay the mortgage (until a sale is agreed) if he is a party to that contract and you can’t, look at whatever benefits you can claim…PIP? Seek support…Maggies Centre near you? Speak to the mortgage company as others have said. 💐 you deserve better

OP, you need to get legal advice.- the law is very clear. I understand you feel very vulnerable at the moment and morally, from your account, your husband's behavior is abhorrent. I supported a friend through a similar scenario- she was so overwhelmed at the time she could not see the wood for the trees. Getting her to sit down with a lawyer was the best thing she did. I know it seems a lot of money and people are scared of the legal process, but it is what you need to do. We laugh now when we go away. She was happy to walk away with far less, but he insisted on going to court. It was a long marriage and my friend sacrificed her career and worked part time to care for their children. The judge quite rightly recognised this and not only awarded half the house and savings he squirrelwd away, but the absolute slam dunk was half the pension

Tell him to fuck off , you are recuperating after your operation and you will then be going through a treatment plan
His children need a roof over there head during this , so you will nit be doing anything as of yet until you feel much better and treatment is going well. So he will have to wait

During this time , you can see where you are financially and what help you can get. Get estate agent round see what house is worth then you can see what YOU have to find something
i do hope your tenants in common and you ring fenced your deposit?

If its a joint mortgage you are both jointly and separately liable.
If neither of you pay the mortgage then repossession proceedings start. It also fucks with his , and your, ability to borrow money in the future.
Remind him of that fact.

But the OP wants him to pay all of the mortgage and not live there. I don’t think any solicitor would tell him to do that.

You can expect what you like i dont think the legal system works where cheating means you pay more that you legally need too

It would be simpler and sensible for you both to get legal advice and follow that

He should pay the lion's share of the mortgage until your youngest is 18. Him being a cheating weazel has no bearing on his responsibility to pay the mortgage however- when the children have gone you will have to fend for yourself, who broke up the family has no relevance on the situation. Men are no longer financially responsible for their wives- the days of running up big bills on his name are long past, and rightly so.

He still owns his percentage of the house whether he lives in it or not, therefore will get the same proportion of any equity from a sale. So he should absolutely keep paying his share of the mortgage.

No, he doesn’t.

The OP needs to see a solicitor.

He sounds awful-I'm really glad you have other family to help you. Are his parents still alive? Bet they're really upset with what he's done and would expect him to pay at the very least. If they're decent, allow them to help you out too.

There are all sorts of things wrong with his behaviour, but you need to focus on what you can get him to do, not what you want or think he should do.

Generally speaking, you won't be able to keep the house if you can't afford the mortgage with your own income and any CMS. Go find a lawyer who can help you work out what you are likely to get and start making plans grounded in legal reality.

The energy you spend trying to get him to make up for his (copious) moral failings is futile. And it's energy you aren't putting into things that will have a real return for you and your DC.

I hope the treatment is bearable and effective, OP. Wishing you better fortunes going forward.

Find a lawyer op and let them handle it

The short answer? No.

If he is being told to leave, he would be required to pay CMS but that’s unlikely to come anywhere close to the cost of funding their entire household. Selling the house & splitting the equity so they both can then find something affordable is the solution here and in most cases.

Unfortunately if you have a joint mortgage you are both liable . As you are not earning at the moment, the mortgage company would chase him for arrears . He would be foolish to not pay if he is able as it will affect him too . And it would devalue his biggest asset. What does he want you to do ? If he defaults are you going to be able to pay it by yourself .

All these issues will be sorted out during the financial settlement of divorce . You may have to sell house and split equity or you might negotiate a deal with regards to pensions , etc that will give you the house .
He will just have to wait for his next property until it is all settled. You can not force him to pay anything unless it is court ordered .

I would inform your mortgage provider of these circumstances, the fact that you are in recovery and the possibility that he may default on payments . It is really important that you keep in communication with them as there are options but only if you show willing to work with them .

None of this is fair . Not your illness nor the fact that your DH has proved himself to be a cold heartless lying bastard . But as with your diagnosis, you will recover and hopefully go on to live a better life . 💐

The morality of his behaviour isn't a factor here in sorting this out. He won't be 'punished' for being a low life, in law, or have any increased financial obligations because he behaved like he has. It's completely unfair what he has done and devastatingly hurtful, but OP now has to sideline all the emotional side and get proper legal advice, get proper legally enforceable agreements around access and payments and realise her partner and father of her children does not have her interests as any priority and will be actively nasty. He'll do things that would be unimaginable before this.
Doing this is hard enough at anytime, but when sick is at another level.
OP, get all the support you can from any source. This is a huge life challenge to get through, but it can be done.

Because him cheating on their mother who has cancer makes him a fucking awful parent. He is so thick that he thinks they will never know, and that they won't be impacted by his actions. They now have no father living with them because all he could think about while his wife was having a 10 hour operation was getting his dick wet. Like the second she got the diagnosis he was just buzzing to be able to cheat.

He has fucking broken her by doing this while she is still having live cancer treatment, which will affect her ability to be emotionally available for her children as now not only is she processing battling cancer, but also is processing him cheating on her throughout it as well as a divorce and likely having to sell her home. All of that, ALL of it, was his fault. He made the choice to do it knowing full well what consequences it would have on his family, particularly his children. He chose to break up and destroy their family. He also knows full well that he is refusing to pay to ensure his children have a stable house to live in, while he is living rent free. And you think the poor little darling should still be able to have a relationship with his kids? Does it sounds like he has their best interests at heart? You think them having that as a father is going to benefit them and is in their best interests? Is he going to look after them to no end while she gets treatment? No, he'll be off out fucking his latest Tinder catch.

We talk about raising boys to be good men and raising girls to know their worth in a relationship and what a healthy one looks like. Clearly, they won't be learning that from him. Once I learned my father had cheated on my mother which was the ultimate lead up to their separation, I wanted nothing to do with him and stopped seeing him by choice. I was 6. They know and understand a lot more than you think.

Why are you advising weaponising access to his children. His relationship with his children should not be denied to punish him.

But his children do? Doesn’t he have to pay for their home?

Morally she can as he’s shagged about while OP is going through cancer treatment.

He also has to pay for a roof over the heads of his children.

Get legal advice OP. Needs of the children take priority. You may have to pay the mortgage but given your health and young children you may get more of an asset share.

Firstly, I am so sincerely sorry about your diagnosis. I can't even begin to imagine how horrible and scary it must be for you. Then to have that thing do that. You have the support of everybody here. Nobody, here or elsewhere, is on that vile cretins side.

Secondly, my God I hope he gets hit by a truck, which then reverses over him and runs him over again. Followed by another truck. What a fucking shit stain. Honestly, I know you should always put your children first, and I genuinely believe them not seeing this scum would be best for them since he thinks treating their mother like this is in any way acceptable as a parent.

As such, I would tell him if he doesn't pay for the mortgage then he sure as hell is not having access to your kids. Do not let him have his cake and eat it. Make his life as hard as possible, he deserves it. If he wants to call you an evil bitch yada yada for doing all of this, then let him. Be an evil bitch. Be the evilest bitch that there is. As long as you come out on top. Just don't let him win. Im sorry again, this is all so awful.

If you are getting UC, they can pay the interest on your mortgage, once house is sold is repaid +3%.

My ex has refused to pay for last 18 months, im clawing it back in divorce, but also, hes just lost our buyer by deliberately not instructing his solicitor to respond (because he knows i cant afford to be here) so ive told my solicitor we will simply push for a company to buy the house. I stopped pating the mortgage last month.

Get all financial info including pensions. Divorce him

I agree that the house will have to be sold. Sorry. I hope you've contacted the CMS.