DS was never one for friendships outside of school until recently. Last 12 months he has started hanging out with his mates from school, one in particular.
It was that strange situation of a high school friend, since year 7 but they never socialised outside school so we never had him round to the house but heard lots about him over the years, see him at the school gates, say hello in passing, chat a little at parents evening etc...
Teachers mentioned their friendship group at parent/teacher meeting and confirmed hes a good friend/good egg, no concerns about the friendship and they are a good support to each other.
So they started by doing things on the weekend, cinema, bowling etc, but progressed into just hanging out, going to town etc.
DS then goes to kids house one day after town (with permission), has tea, hangs out in his garden/house regularly. I keep asking him to invite friend to ours. DS has his own bedroom. PC/gaming system. He is the youngest, so no annoying little siblings. Little garden to hang in. We have a niceish house, definitely not anything that would want him not to bring a friend that I can think of.
But hhs never invited him to ours.
So one night DS messages from friends house and asks if he can sleepover there.
Que a bit of panic because I've never met his mum (just his mum at home) or spoken to her.
And we have dropped him off and picked him up multiple times from end of Avenue. Several times I've tried to go early/catch the mum to introduce myself but DS is always waiting at the opening of the avenue.
So I said to DS that he can stay but he has to
1-text me the house number (i know the house but didn't know the actual number in case of emergency)
2- text me the mums number so i can confirm.
He refuses and comes home instead.
This happens a further 2 times. Him being at his pals on the weekend, asks to stay over but will not give me mums details. He says its embarrassing and he isnt asking his friend for his mums number. I tell him to pass my number onto his mate then. To give to his mum. Nope.
So this goes on for weeks. And now its summer holidays and he asks if he can stay. I lay out the rules again and he sends me the full address but not the mums number.
I really want him to keep socialising as he has been quite isolated previously so I agree he can stay without me talking to the mum but i did not sleep. I honestly did not sleep a wink.
Next morning at 6am DS knocks on door. I am so confused as to why he has walked home at like 5.15 am from his mates and his response was "his Dad came home and it was just awkward"
He said his Dad isn't usually there. And thats it. Won't give any more information and says he just came home, thats it.
I'm done.
AIBU to not let him stay there ever again? I don't even know if I want him going there again unless he allows me to speakto the kids mum.
I understand its a different situation with kids being 15, not 5 and that he might feel a bit awkward asking for his mum to ring me but surely that is normal???
I've met the kid, hes nice. School say he is nice. They live in a nice area, nice avenue. I know their names and address but thats it.
I feel like thats just not enough but I don't know if I am being OTT in wanting contact from the mum but then how can I have him sleep somewhere and not have anyway to contact anyone in the home??
I'm torn between feeling like I'm being a helicopter parent and being a completely neglectful parent 😑
And him walking home alone at like 5.15AM is just the cherry on the cake. If something happened to him I would have had NO idea.