To not let DS (15) sleep out again?

I think that when he didn't want to give you the address, it was likely that he was, as others have suggested, camping out with his mate/s, and thought that if he gave you the address you might just turn up and catch him out. Of course as Mums we all know that by not giving you the address, he's made you much more suspicious than if he'd just given it you when you asked, and thereby made it more likely that you'll go checking up on him.

I know that a lot of you who haven't yet gone through the complete cycle of birth to 20 with your kids, probably look at a 15 year old lad, and subconsciously think he's grown up, because that's the way he looks. He will also think he's grown up, and knows it all, as we all do in our teens, but it's often not until they reach their 20's, that they really do become aware of all the dangers that are out there, and that they're not immune to being attacked, or something going very, very wrong. So I think the OP is right to be concerned, and want to know what her son is up to, while still allowing him a certain amount of freedom. The difficult part is getting youngsters to see that the more open they are, the more freedom they will gain, as their parents will feel more able to trust them.

I wouldn't personally be worried about not having the other mum's number, but I would be worried about why he was so insistent that you couldn't have it, and didn't even want to give the address.

It does sound like he's hiding something, but it could really be anything. Alcohol, vaping, parents being drunk or away, even something as innocent as eating loads of junk food if he things you wouldn't approve. I think you're right not to let him stay until you get to the bottom of it.

Probably something along these lines. Could obviously be wrong but type of thing me and my friends did at this age.

I don’t think you’re being overprotective OP.

15 is still pretty young.

Gay, straight backwards forwards I dont feel has any relevance here.

My first thought is they are both saying they are staying at each others houses and staying out late (booze involved or not)

I say that as I did it often!

I personally would pop round there early one evening when your son is not there to try and speak to the mum. I would say the boys are really
good friends and you just wanted to introduce yourself. Short friendly chat and then say ‘do you know what the issue was on x date when my son stayed over? He turned up dead early at ours. Hope he didn’t wake you up leaving. He didn’t really say why he was back so early - do you know what the issue was?’ And see what she says.

Your DS is defo lying about something.
And what dad kicks a 15 year old to walk home at 5.15 am

Some of these answers are wild!
Like because he's 15 the OP is being overprotective by wanting an emergency contact. Of course you aren't unreasonable in wanting this OP.

And I think the real underlying fear here is that you actually are not sure where he is spending the night.
I work with adolescents and while I agree they'd all prefer not to ask friend's mum for her number, I think the normal response if they really wanted to stay over, and they really were staying over where they said they'd be, would be an eye roll, huff and puff, and they'd get the number. Actually deciding to come home and miss out rather than asking does not sound like a normal reaction and it's highly suggestive that he's hiding something.
The arriving home at 5.00 is a massive alarm bell too OP. His excuse doesn't ring true.

I'd be worried too. I'd be having a serious talk.

Have you spoken to DS about your concerns or common viewpoint here that hes been put camping or something. With the good weather it would seem likely, lots of teens dont drink now so maybe just out camping and didnt want adults involved becasue there organisation was likely haphazard and adults may have wanted to influence their plans. Maybe he just felt you'd say no and Has made the cover story of staying with friend.

And good time to have a conversation about what about the Dad was awkward and a chance for you to reiterate serious chat about keeping self safe and what does a dangerous/predatory adult behaviour look like from adults. Hopefully nothing untoward has happened and this just lets you reinforce information about keeping self safe.

Id say no more visits to friend until he has been to your house for some gaming and a takeaway pizza hangout.

Do you have a decent tracker on his phone to show where he has been, if not then maybe consider research different ones and get setup. X

Maybe friend has no mum

I think you are babying him too much. It rightly or wrongly really isn't normal to have parents mobile number. I'd want t the address maybe but that's all

I totally agree with you OP. He’s 15, still a child, and it is perfectly rational to want to have details of where he is staying overnight and share details with the responsible adult of the house.

I think you probably are being over pushy re the mum's phone number. You know where the house is so you could go round there if there was ever any need. Maybe his friend has made fun of him over this. I'd ask about the 5 am return though because what he says sounds odd. You could also say you feel uneasy because you think he's being evasive and that makes you think he's hiding something. Overall though I don't think it's a good idea to forbid any more sleepovers. He could end up just sneaking out anyway.

Do you think the friend is being left there unsupervised

I think I would feel the same way as you, OP, and want contact. I would probably be hopping out the car at the drop-off and popping up to the front door to say hello to the mum (which I expect would mortify my DC a bit, but I would feel rude not saying hello to be honest!).
From what you’ve said, it sounds like you’ve got a nice parenting relationship with your kids…. so I’m a bit puzzled as to why you’ve not followed up with him about why he had to leave when the dad turned up. Or maybe you have tried, but I would certainly be making it clear that I want to understand what happened there.

I agree with you - either you get the mum’s or the dad’s phone number, or he can’t sleep over.

They can still see each other in the day.

Talk through with your boy imagining the worst case scenario - he doesn’t come home and his phone has died. What would you do? What would you say if speaking to the police? “Oh yes, I don’t know where he is and I have no contact details.” You would look irresponsible.

He's not at university, he's 15 and OP wants to know where he is staying is safe and contactable. Basic parenting

I'd want that reassurance too OP

Yes, all of this!

Eta: i quoted ComedyGold007's post but it didn't attach!

At 15, my son had a couple of friends whose houses he slept at. I didn't meet their mums or have their numbers.

Walking back at that time in the morning was very strange though. I'd have just had a chat with mine to find out what had happened.

I'd also have a chat around inviting friends over. It might be that, because it's not something he does, it feels strange to him. Maybe he can't imagine what it would look like? Some parents are more 'intense' than others (and your own are far more embarrassing than other people's!)Perhaps he's worried you'd make too much effort to get to know his friend.

Teenagers get some funny ideas at times...

Having been there, I understand the worry, but you do need to approach this a bit differently.

This is the stage when you have the opportunity to encourage independence and teach personal responsibility and respect regarding contact. People can say what they like about mobile phones but they mean that most of the time, we can contact people wherever they are.

My eldest son started doing very similar things with friends at 15. This meant a very big adjustment for me and his secondary school friend group was made up of people I didn’t know, and therefore did not know their parents.

My son knew that I worried but I did not wish to hinder his independence. I always made sure that he had a power bank with him. He knew to always answer me if I rang him. I kept my landline number as my sons know the number by heart and my eldest son would use a friends phone (if his own was out of charge and no-one had a power bank) to call it if it was late, and let me know he was on his way home. He never minded my use of the location app (but be warned, this can create anxiety when the location showing is slightly inaccurate).

I never had the contact details of the parents, a few of the friends in time as I got to know them, but not the parents.

It’s quite an anxious phase this age, and they start doing things that they are ready for, but you are not! I worried a lot and I still can’t go to sleep fully until they’re home (only my youngest is actually living at home now). But, you have to slowly let them go out on their own, all the time teaching them that staying in touch with you is respectful.

My eldest did camp out with friends at this age, too. They also went to their first week long festival, many miles from home, at 15.

I also always instilled the importance of friends looking out for one another and sticking together. They did do so. His friends in fact, I began to know, were a great group.

If you close your mind to the ideas that your son has, you will unfortunately push him to rebel and possibly lie to you. And this could be what has already taken place with the early arrival home.

As for the gay comments, are we to assume that every girl who sleeps over at a girlfriends house is a lesbian, then? The utter ridiculousness of these suggestions.

Good luck, OP.

Nope I dont think he's old enough to stay out, at a house you don't know, with a friend you've not really me, with adults you don't have contact details for. It's you that did that not me.

I was asking about dropping off at the end of the road as I found it strange. And not something I would have done. I live in a cul dec sac with absolutely no parking or space to turn around. DC friends get dropped at the door and not down the road and if they were staying over parents would wave from the car or knock in the door to collect.

I think he's not being truthful, for whatever reason, so that's enough for me to say not again

Have you told your DS that that is all you want to do OP? I know youngsters are very protective of their privacy, and these days think that you don't need to know parent's numbers etc. because they have their own phone, you they can reach you in emergency, or you can reach them, but what they don't think about is what would happen if they lost their phone, had it stolen, had to leave somewhere in a hurry and left their phone behind, or the most likely one - it runs out of charge, and then they find themselves in a tricky situation, perhaps miles from home, with no money. Have you explained all this to him, and if so, did he really LISTEN??

What on earth is semi gay? And laughing emoji?

You don't sound very understanding at all.

Just because DS15 dated a girl last week doesn't mean this boy is more than a friend

I don’t get why people are saying it’s embarrassing to ask for a parents number, it’s just sensible for goodness sake, yes you’ll probably never need it, but no one is going to die of embarrassment.

i understand your worry OP the walking back at 5:15 is concerning, did he not think to call you and let you know what his plan was?