AIBU to expect my mum to cancel her gym session to look after my kids?

My DH would be the same, he would cancel work and look after me and DC, I mean that’s what family is for!

I think a lot of mothers would have cancelled gym, but I don't think that Op's mum saying she wanted to do gym & would go later than Op wanted is so awful either.

A bit harsh - what are family for, if not to help each other, in time of need l would cancel any arrangements and help out my dc.

But just how ill are you OP? My definition of ‘very ill’ means literally not being able to interact with anyone or anything, yet here you are posting a lot on MN. I would say if you’re able to sit venting on MN, with quite long answers, then are you really so ill that you need help? Maybe your mum also wonders whether your illness is such that you need someone there. Maybe you have form for being overdramatic when feeling unwell……we don’t know.

Yeah OP go NC, your mother has no time for you! Refuse the whole day babysitting on a Tuesday! She once refused a mornings babysitting, she deserves that!

Not loving and caring over a mornings babysitting?

You're lucky to have a full day of childcare from her once a week TBF. I don't have that with my 1 year old it is just me all week. When I got really ill with a stomach bug my husband took the day off? Where was your H??

Your post is the totally normal view that is most common in real life. MN is a parallel universe, honestly!

It’s a favour most people would do even for a friend, never mind their daughter. In fact I have done exactly this for a friend and I’m not some kind of saint. I bet many of us have.

Everyone has different opinions. My children are little. If my daughter was unwell and struggling with two young children in the future though, I would definitely just rearrange the gym and help out. I wouldn't want her to suffer. I think the relationships on here seem very transactional. She helps you one day so never need or any for help at any other time!

I also find the whole paying your parents for childcare thing weird. Unless they had said they definitely don't want to do it. But then I wouldn't pay them anyway, I'd be paying for childcare.

Realistically, a kind and thoughtful mum who cared about you would definitely do this for you without hesitation.

But MN is full of grannies who offer no help, and bitter mums who get none, so the polls on these topics always go the same way.

True. But grandparents shouldn't have to agree to provide childcare to be allowed time to nurture that bond. They should just be able to see their grandkids anyway without childcare being used by the kids' parents as a bargaining chip, imo anyway.

Its because they love their grandchildren and their sons and daughters. Grandchildren grow up so fast...they are very precious.

I think you are right to feel upset. Not easy looking after children those ages. I would definitely have cancelled gym session to help my daughters and son in such a situation - you were ill, it was just the gym!

What an appallingly transactional attitude.

I get it from another mum but no I think that’s insane to ask your mum to not go to the gym! Get your husband to help!

Anyone who has family help is very lucky. We didn't have al lot, though my parents would have liked to do more. Only options were nursery or DH taking a day off. Xx

It’s not unreasonable to ask your mum for help when you’re ill, and you and her grandchildren need some help. That’s what families are for. My mum would’ve dropped everything to help me if I was ill. I want my children when they’re grown to know, I’ll help if I can. ( not on demand) But absolutely if they’re ill.

If the OP took all the 'shoulds' out of the equation, she'd feel much better about the whole thing.

You are very unreasonable! You chose to have children so close together and you have a husband who should have taken time off for you. Your mum didn’t say no, she just said she’d be round later. It. Screams ungrateful to me

Or other GPs if the other parent really must work!

I imagine your mother isn't on call for when you want her? I cannot believe you expect her to change her plans due to you feeling unwell. Where is your husband in all of this? Your mother decotes one full day a week to help you, that is very generous of her to do that. Just because she is a grandparent, it does not mean child care comes along with that. You choice to have children, we all have to get on with things when we are ill. Get over yourself

You are being unreasonable.
Your mum is already doing loads!
Is it easier to get annoyed by her than your partner, the kids' dad?
Or someone else in the family, preferably male as women are always expected to stand in, having done most of the child rearing first time round

She shouldn’t feel obliged to do childcare. It should be on her terms. In an emergency, yes, I bet she would help.

Let me rephrase that for you….

Shes raised her children, worked and had no time to do the things she wants (like daytime gym), she’s got other children she also helps.

Now is the time for her to do the things she enjoys without having time constraints!

I hope you feel better soon. Being sick with small children is super hard. However, that being said I agree with your mum. You get a lot of help with one regular day a week. Most people don’t get this and it’s a huge imposition on your mums free time even if she loves the time with grandkids. She clearly needs this for her own mental health (particularly if she is helping with childcare) . If you are this unwell your husband should take time off. My in laws won’t even visit if someone in the house is unwell in case they catch something!

She should absolutely be helping you more especially if you are ill. She's retired with all the time in the world, the gym can wait