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AIBU?

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AIBU to expect my mum to cancel her gym session to look after my kids?

805 replies

Mkxxx · 24/07/2026 16:16

For context: I (34F) have two boys (3 and 11m). I have help from my mum once a week on a Tuesday. 8am-5pm she’s at my house. All the other days I get no help and no help from my MIL either. I have managed my maternity pretty much on my own with my husband in the office 5 days a week. It has been hard with a baby and a toddler. My son only recently turned 3. Anyway I never bug my mum to come outside of a Tuesday because honestly it’s just hard work and not worth it. However right now I’m very ill. She knows I’ve been unwell too. I don’t ask anyone to help me unless I’m desperate. So I asked my mum last night to come today. She said she can’t come until the afternoon when most the day has gone because she has the gym. I asked if she could miss it this once since I never ask like this and she said no. Now im feeling so much anger because the lack in inflexibility shocks me. If my child had asked me for help I would go! Also she doesn’t work and retired to ‘look after her grandchildren’. So am I wrong for feeling annoyed and upset?

OP posts:
elfendom1 · 25/07/2026 22:07

Mirox1414 · 25/07/2026 21:48

You're definitely being unreasonable.

YOU chose to have children, your mother has raised hers already.

Be grateful that you get any help at all, you sound really entitled and it's not nice.

Grandparents are supposed to enjoy their grandchildren, not be recruited to do everything for them.

Except she is sick.

Pinkchickenwine · 25/07/2026 22:05

Pinkchickenwine · 25/07/2026 22:03

Wow, you’re so demeaning of women being unwell, Did you get someone (anyone) to parent your children when you had a headache?

So demeaning that any woman would expect that a headache meant they had to call in help.

So misogynistic!

So you excuse a DF not helping for a “headache” but another woman should?

Pinkchickenwine · 25/07/2026 22:03

Gloriia · 25/07/2026 21:46

There's a couple of very tetchy posters who I would guess never help out their own family or no one ever helped them except these alleged husbands who drop everything to run home everytime their dw has a headache.

In the real world any parent would forego a gym sesh to give their dc a hand.

Wow, you’re so demeaning of women being unwell, Did you get someone (anyone) to parent your children when you had a headache?

So demeaning that any woman would expect that a headache meant they had to call in help.

So misogynistic!

HorsesAreRunningOn3LegsTonight · 25/07/2026 21:52

I have 3 children , all lat 40’s ,
6 grandchildren and a great great grandchild
I would drop any non essential appointment to help my children if they were ill.
Even now and I’m in my mid 70s, I would still help them if they were desperate

Mirox1414 · 25/07/2026 21:48

Mkxxx · 24/07/2026 16:16

For context: I (34F) have two boys (3 and 11m). I have help from my mum once a week on a Tuesday. 8am-5pm she’s at my house. All the other days I get no help and no help from my MIL either. I have managed my maternity pretty much on my own with my husband in the office 5 days a week. It has been hard with a baby and a toddler. My son only recently turned 3. Anyway I never bug my mum to come outside of a Tuesday because honestly it’s just hard work and not worth it. However right now I’m very ill. She knows I’ve been unwell too. I don’t ask anyone to help me unless I’m desperate. So I asked my mum last night to come today. She said she can’t come until the afternoon when most the day has gone because she has the gym. I asked if she could miss it this once since I never ask like this and she said no. Now im feeling so much anger because the lack in inflexibility shocks me. If my child had asked me for help I would go! Also she doesn’t work and retired to ‘look after her grandchildren’. So am I wrong for feeling annoyed and upset?

You're definitely being unreasonable.

YOU chose to have children, your mother has raised hers already.

Be grateful that you get any help at all, you sound really entitled and it's not nice.

Grandparents are supposed to enjoy their grandchildren, not be recruited to do everything for them.

Gloriia · 25/07/2026 21:46

MrsKeats · 25/07/2026 21:02

It feels very begrudging to do that.
I don’t understand why you are so tetchy.

There's a couple of very tetchy posters who I would guess never help out their own family or no one ever helped them except these alleged husbands who drop everything to run home everytime their dw has a headache.

In the real world any parent would forego a gym sesh to give their dc a hand.

Pinkchickenwine · 25/07/2026 21:32

MrsKeats · 25/07/2026 21:18

Drink more cheap pink wine. Dear me.

Oh what a lovely granny you are, I expect your DGC learn lots from you….

Dear me, how hilarious a woman your age giving out such petty insults!

Try working through your anger, the gym might help? A good routine will really help.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

MrsKeats · 25/07/2026 21:18

Pinkchickenwine · 25/07/2026 21:03

🤣🤣🤣

The PP is “tetchy”, because you’re not?

Drink more cheap pink wine. Dear me.

Pinkchickenwine · 25/07/2026 21:03

MrsKeats · 25/07/2026 21:02

It feels very begrudging to do that.
I don’t understand why you are so tetchy.

🤣🤣🤣

The PP is “tetchy”, because you’re not?

Pinkchickenwine · 25/07/2026 21:02

MrsKeats · 25/07/2026 20:55

I’m a grandmother and would have helped you op.
On this site there is a very weird sense that families don’t help each other.

OP refused the help she was offered! Can’t have been that unwell.

MrsKeats · 25/07/2026 21:02

VIII · 25/07/2026 20:58

She did offer to help...

I don't understand how this is so difficult to comprehend. She agreed to help, just asked that she could come later.

It feels very begrudging to do that.
I don’t understand why you are so tetchy.

VIII · 25/07/2026 20:58

MrsKeats · 25/07/2026 20:55

I’m a grandmother and would have helped you op.
On this site there is a very weird sense that families don’t help each other.

She did offer to help...

I don't understand how this is so difficult to comprehend. She agreed to help, just asked that she could come later.

MrsKeats · 25/07/2026 20:55

I’m a grandmother and would have helped you op.
On this site there is a very weird sense that families don’t help each other.

Pinkchickenwine · 25/07/2026 20:55

AguNwaanyi · 25/07/2026 20:51

Clearly EYE don’t mind her whining. That’s not complicated to get either.

Edited

EYE 👁️?

SetTheWorldOnFire84 · 25/07/2026 20:53

Your choice to have kids so close together. Get on with it. No one owes you anything

AguNwaanyi · 25/07/2026 20:51

AwayWiththeGoblins · 25/07/2026 20:44

Asking is absolutely fine. Whining on the internet if the request is refused and about being entitled to first dibs on your retired mother’s time isn’t fine. It’s not that complicated.

Clearly EYE don’t mind her whining. That’s not complicated to get either.

AguNwaanyi · 25/07/2026 20:50

Pinkchickenwine · 25/07/2026 20:43

She does get help from family, every week from her mother!

She’s moaning she doesn’t get enough help, but excuses get DH, who I assume is part of the family?

Where did I say she doesn’t get any help?

She’s “moaning” that she’s not getting with this specific time when she’s sick.

AwayWiththeGoblins · 25/07/2026 20:44

AguNwaanyi · 25/07/2026 20:41

OP, never bring a question like this to mumsnet again. YANBU but on here expecting help from family is not a topic that goes down well. I can tell from the polls that you have been called all types of entitled and that your mother doesn’t even have to do that one day she does.

Asking is absolutely fine. Whining on the internet if the request is refused and about being entitled to first dibs on your retired mother’s time isn’t fine. It’s not that complicated.

Pinkchickenwine · 25/07/2026 20:43

AguNwaanyi · 25/07/2026 20:41

OP, never bring a question like this to mumsnet again. YANBU but on here expecting help from family is not a topic that goes down well. I can tell from the polls that you have been called all types of entitled and that your mother doesn’t even have to do that one day she does.

She does get help from family, every week from her mother!

She’s moaning she doesn’t get enough help, but excuses get DH, who I assume is part of the family?

elfendom1 · 25/07/2026 20:41

I would have done this for my daughter in a heartbeat and I am not in great shape. YANBU.

AguNwaanyi · 25/07/2026 20:41

OP, never bring a question like this to mumsnet again. YANBU but on here expecting help from family is not a topic that goes down well. I can tell from the polls that you have been called all types of entitled and that your mother doesn’t even have to do that one day she does.

Pinkchickenwine · 25/07/2026 20:40

OneSparklyGoat · 25/07/2026 20:30

Well good for you.

It was part of the expectation when we decided we wanted children.

Shame others don’t do the same, instead of expecting “women” in the family to do their job.

Swiftsmith · 25/07/2026 20:36

My dad has been an amazing help looking after both my wee ones at various times but I wouldn't usually ask him to do extra. If we are ill he sometimes wouldn't want to come as he doesn't want to get ill himself, which is completely understandable as he's older and has his own life. You and your partner have to work it out.

OneCalmEagle · 25/07/2026 20:35

Waiting tol after your mums gym session wont kill anyone.

OneSparklyGoat · 25/07/2026 20:30

Pinkchickenwine · 25/07/2026 20:22

My DH would be the same, he would cancel work and look after me and DC, I mean that’s what family is for!

Well good for you.

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