AIBU to expect my mum to cancel her gym session to look after my kids?

YANBU. I would have helped you. I will help my own children in future with situations like this. My own nana helped my mum a great deal when we were younger, we had a very close bond, so I grew up knowing I would want to help my grandchildren having benefitted from such help myself. I’m talking my nana moving me and my brother into her home for 6 weeks whilst our mum was recovering from surgery in hospital, taking us to school, cooking our dinner, taking us to visit our mum daily at the hospital on a bus because she couldn’t drive. That’s putting yourself out to help your daughter and grandchildren, what you asked for help with seems such a tiny thing to help with in comparison. It hurts when you ask for help and feel alone, and it is hard to be unwell with two such young children. I hope you’re feeling better now.

If it’s only a run of the mill virus then the grandmother visiting in the afternoon for a lot of hours to help out should be of use then?

So, in your opinion even though her Mum gives a day a week of her time up to take care of her Grandchildren and even though she said yes to this request but at a later time than desired she should never again receive any help from her daughter?

Yes - she’s obviously desperate or she wouldn’t have asked!

Good heavens. My mum wouldn’t have rearranged watching Eastenders to help me with my kids let alone a paid gym session.

You already have every Tuesday. That’s a lot. My DM never looked after my DSs on her own. Ever.

I think you need to be grateful for what you have & realise your DCs are the responsibility of yourself & their father.

But needs must …

It’s how we do things here. We have no idea what her DH does for work, either. Perhaps he’s a surgeon, or a teacher or had a hearing to attend.

It’s not easy for everyone in every position to just take an unplanned day off.

Yes, they can. They choose not to.

But the only family that OP is moaning about is her DM? No other “family”, the one person that does help
out!

But OP was “very ill” and no one rise could help
out, so why shouldn’t their DF?

It isn't misogyny. Whether it's a man ar woman at work they cannot drop everything if the one at home doesn't feel well. If they were hospitalised or seriously ill yes but for a run of the mill virus of course they can't skive off work.

It is completely normal and common everywhere other then mn it seems that family who aren't at work help out.

Yep, as I said before no good deed goes unpunished!

She’d be better off doing nothing! But OP says she’s the only one who does help, but she doesn’t do enough!

I wish her Mum could see this thread. She might just realise she not up to the one day a week anymore when she realises she’s being accused of being selfish. I can’t imagine giving up 9 hours a week of my time for free, probably at her own cost (fuel) just to be called selfish anyway 😂

Agreed! She’s offered something, others offered nothing and she’s the one in the wrong?

If you read the OPs posts, it will tell you that the DHs employer is “difficult”, not sure that means he can’t take a day off?

I don’t know why people think the gym isn’t a good reason not to be instantly available (she offered after) it’s actually really important to stay fit and strong and a healthy weight into your advanced years. It’s also probably why she can manage a 3 year old and an 11m old for a full day a week because we all know that’s not easy.

I'm actually going against the grain here. I assume your husband can't take a paid day off, or he'd have done it (and if he hasn't whyyy).

But your mum is obviously off, and all she would miss is going to the gym. It's an extraordinary situation and happens very rarely. I can't imagine a child of mine asking for help like this, and me just saying no. It's a cry for help for goodness sake!

I've only been unwell enough once for 1-2 days with a bug when I was supposed to be looking after our children where I physically couldn't get out of bed without being sick and just slept and slept and slept and slept - and my DH had to take the time off to look after them as I wasn't capable of it. If you were that ill, maybe your mum didn't want to risk it, especially as looking after children one day a week is probably quite tiring for her! My own mum gets ill really easily nowadays and picks up anything my children have. If I were feeling a bit rough and asked my mum to come over and she said she had the gym, I might feel mildly put out but I'd just ask her to come later / the next day to help me out a bit. If you were feeling unwell enough that you were incapable of looking after your children safely (rather than just a bit rough and it being unpleasant, but manageable, to struggle through the time), then your DH should have taken time off work - as is his legal right and his responsibility and a fellow parent to your children.

Maybe given the OP can’t cope with two children and bemoans the fact she doesn’t get enough help, then OPs DM has made sufficient provision, like keeping herself fit by going to the gym..

Let’s hope not.

Even though she babysits every week?!? I mean I can’t imagine she asks for 9 hours of help a week from her daughter ever.

Hopefully you don’t need to be looked after by your children in your old age then

Because she wasn’t really ill enough to warrant him taking a day off if we’re being honest was she? She’s posting on here and responding a lot and if she was so bad then he would have had no choice but to stay home. It’s just easy to ask Mum and blame her for being busy (the gym is important IMO) and saying you’re really ill will make more people agree and sympathise with you. It’s making me very worried how many people think grandparents should want to look after their grandchildren on a regular basis. I find it really odd to assume that something that every Mum in here agrees is really, really hard would be something a woman that’s already done it would want to do it again now that they’re older lol.

It's very simple - she doesn't owe you childcare.