AIBU to expect my mum to cancel her gym session to look after my kids?

Thanks for everyone’s input. A bit of background I was always hesitant to have kids because of needing any help etc because let’s be honest if we all could have help, we would. I was reassured by my mum that she would come multiple times a week and help etc and convinced me it’s ok to have kids. She said she would even leave her job to help. So I guess the expectation was already there.

Also my husband is in a company where taking time like that is hard to do (right or wrong) but some people know companies that are quite inflexible. His manager doesn’t believe in men helping etc. So that side can be quite difficult to navigate.

And yes I’m very grateful for the Tuesday help. She does help me there, so maybe that came out wrong. I think it’s more because I don’t take the mick asking for any help. I will never ask for help for anything else. Also in my culture grandparents are usually very very present. So it’s easy to compare to others.

Also paying for childcare for grandparents is not a thing in our culture and quite insulting to do. My mum would call me stupid if I offered to pay her.

And it’s only because I’m at a point where I’m so ill. Usually I cope and push through my illnesses. Which I’m sure other mothers do often, but again that isn’t easy either.

Yes anyone really fil, auntie, uncle, ndn. Then dm< who gave up work to look after dgc> will soon be complaining that she isn't needed!

It’s not misogyny just being realistic, very little grandfathers of older generations have taken anything to do with childcare

'But I also think it’s fair to expect your husband to step up, first'

Anyone would think he was playing golf. He was at work! Most responsible jobs do not allow spouses popping off home as dw/dh is a bit peaky. Serious illness yes, feeling off colour amd needing another pair of hands not so much.

'But I also think it’s fair to expect your husband to step up, first'

Anyone would think he was playing golf. He was at work! Most responsible jobs do not allow spouses popping off home as dw/dh is a bit peaky. Serious illness yes, feeling off colour amd needing another pair of hands not so much.

Or her fil? Your misogyny is off the charts.

'But I also think it’s fair to expect your husband to step up, first'

Anyone would think he was playing golf. He was at work! Most responsible jobs do not allow spouses popping off home as dw/dh is a bit peaky. Serious illness yes, feeling off colour amd needing another pair of hands not so much.

Such a valid point.
‘the only person who currently helps me, will be a few hours late helping me yet another time, so is it right that I’m fuming at her, rather than at the other dozen family members and my own husband who never help?’
and, according to many on this thread, who are misogynists, ‘yes, you’re right, it’s so sad she doesn’t help more.’

Apparently MIL never helps, so let’s shoot the one that does help?

Or her fil? Your misogyny is off the charts.

Or her fil? Your misogyny is off the charts.

For context: I (34F) have two boys (3 and 11m). I have help from my mum once a week on a Tuesday. 8am-5pm she’s at my house. All the other days I get no help and no help from my MIL either. I have managed my maternity pretty much on my own with my husband in the office 5 days a week. It has been hard with a baby and a toddler. My son only recently turned 3. Anyway I never bug my mum to come outside of a Tuesday because honestly it’s just hard work and not worth it. However right now I’m very ill. She knows I’ve been unwell too. I don’t ask anyone to help me unless I’m desperate. So I asked my mum last night to come today. She said she can’t come until the afternoon when most the day has gone because she has the gym. I asked if she could miss it this once since I never ask like this and she said no. Now im feeling so much anger because the lack in inflexibility shocks me. If my child had asked me for help I would go! Also she doesn’t work and retired to ‘look after her grandchildren’. So am I wrong for feeling annoyed and upset?

Mn is funny isn't it. I know not one person who would prioritise a gym session over their ill dd asking for help. Glad we don't come across such rabid folk irl bleating on about how very important gym sessions are and how everyone at work should just drop everything and dash home now.

Maybe ask mil next time op

Mn is funny isn't it. I know not one person who would prioritise a gym session over their ill dd asking for help. Glad we don't come across such rabid folk irl bleating on about how very important gym sessions are and how everyone at work should just drop everything and dash home now.

Maybe ask mil next time op

Oh course how dare the DGM attend a gym, when she can isolate herself at home and watch YouTube!

So selfish having a life outside of the house!

You’ll get told you’re wrong here but my mum would have instantly helped and I would do the same with my kids if they’re ill.

Hopefully you don’t need to be looked after by your children in your old age then

Although she obviously doesn’t have to I know for a fact my mam would come and help me if I was ill. I think you’re getting abit of a hard time here.

Yes we should make our daughters struggle to teach all men their responsibilities and bring down the patriarchy. I’m sure your daughter will appreciate you making a stand for feminism while she needs help.

The view of some on this thread seem to be that the OPs mum isn’t allowed to have a life of her own she has to be at her daughters beck and call and drop everything to be available.

she was busy but said she would come as soon as she was done. That is more than fair given it doesn’t seem it was an emergency situation.