I assumed my children were included in brother’s barbecue invitation

sounds a bit like my brother , other peoples confusion or need to check is an excuse to belittle and be superior

my brother was horrible once when we were trying to meet on oxford st outside boots and he hadn’t turned up

i realised there were two boots and he told me to walk east , when i was a bit baffled and pondered how i should know which way east he was incredulous that i was so stupid and told me to look at the sun and hung up

in those days i was so polite and eager to keep the peace so i wandered up snd down asking people until i found jim standing waiting for me irritated despite the fact he had not specified which boots we were meeting

a normal person would just laugh it off and walk to meet you in the middle

your brother sounds like mine - an undiagnosed cunty knob head

He doesn't like being called 😂

Why would he invite some children but deliberately leave your children off the invitation? He sounds capricious and annoying. Is it some sort of affectation or eccentricity?

I would expect the children to be included - but based on your later posts I would say that you are probably unreasonable to have expected the children to be included. Since he does not like telephone calls you could have texted, either to ask if the children were included or you could have informed him you would bring the children. Then he could have texted back to say 'no' if he didn't want them.

It does seem as if this isn't unusual for him.

I also think that if Op's mum's partner isn't invited to something it's rude to ask if they can attend.

If the invitation doesn't suit as it stands it can always be declined.

From your responses, it sounds like you know exactly what your brother thinks and that he means things literally in emails, so why did you assume your children were invited?

It would never even cross my mind to double check whether my kids were included in an invitation to a family BBQ! And tbh if it turned out the kids weren't invited I probably wouldn't go myself.

It would be different if it were a formal, adult dinner party going late into the evening, but my kids would be really upset to be left at home with a babysitter for the afternoon whilst we went to a fun family event that they would enjoy (never mind having to pay said babysitter!)

He sounds tiresome. Or a major knob.

Hi bro whats happening mate do i bring the kids or not , fabby see ya'll laters, sorted

Your brother sounds like a right twat.

I agree with him with checking a call is convenient. You might be driving or in the middle of dinner or in the shower!

But if he thinks his text is clear, you merely say that it isn't clear and that's why you are asking. And tell him to shop being an officious twotsit and be clear in the first place. He's your brother, not your boss.

Neurodivergent people are no less compassionate than neurotypical people btw and I know of lots of us in altruistic job roles. Your brother seems to have difficulties with being interrupted, with flexibility and with seeing things from others' perspectives which is why it was mentioned. But if my sister texted to say "Do you and DH want to come to a BBQ" I would read that as possibly adults only and check with her. Obviously it's a bit mean not to invite your children and that's probably the main issue?

OP, your brother sounds like a pain in the arse.

Sorry, your brother is far too much hard work. And a bit unhinged. Who behaves like this.

Perfectly said.

Given the background you've specified (e.g., brother's interactions with your mother about inviting her partner or not) then I guess if I were considering going to one of his events I'd assume that the invitation is only for me and anyone else specified by name in the text, and if I were not sure I would text him to confirm my understanding and ignore him if he huffed that I had texted him for clarification when he didn't think it was needed.

So my siblings would say "oh she's not neurodivergent". But I am.

A) I wasn't diagnosed until last year
B) I haven't shared my diagnosis with them.

Neither of those remove the fact that 12 years ago I was autistic and my behaviour was often a result of the fact I am autistic, whether I or anyone else was aware of that.

Because that's even more strange and unreasonable, for your own brother to invite just your DH to a sunday afternoon BBQ without you and your DC!

I already think it's shit not to invite children on family anything at home. You just put a movie or 2 for them in another room, buy a few treat snacks , how hard can it be. Who expect their siblings to pay for babysitters when you are staying in?

But on a Sunday afternoon? It's beyond weird.

OP can you answer my question - did your brother's original text only include your DH by name? Does that mean that not just your kids but you yourself were also an unwelcome surprise to your brother and SIL when you turned up?

Your brother sounds hella weird. This feels like some kind of power move - ("can you interpret his texts correctly" - oh no, you failed again! ) I honestly wouldn't find the energy to play this stupid game. No, you're far from unreasonable to think a brother inviting his sister and BIL to a weekend barbecue would include the kids. He sounds like a dick.

Same. A Sunday afternoon BBQ, surely it's a family thing!

We'll if my brother or I issue an invite to the other, it's just assumed that everyone is invited. If you know that's not the case with your brother and you could anticipate what he'd have said if you'd clarified, it begs the question, why did you take the children?

I mean, it really doesn't matter what other families would do that isn't going to change your situation.

If I'd been invited to my brother's weekend afternoon bbq and my children weren't included, I just wouldn't have gone.

I’m not sure I would assume that, if it included me and my husband by name. If it just said “are you…” I’d assume the “you” was all 4 of us. I’d just ask and clarify.