I assumed my children were included in brother’s barbecue invitation

Who the fuck invites their sibling and BIL to a barbecue and doesn't invite said siblings children. When he has a kid too and there were babies there? Ridiculous. As if you could you just leave them home alone last minute to go to his barbecue. Tie them up to a lamppost outside. Christ almighty.

Its clear. He texted OP something along the lines of 'would you and Bob like to come for a BBQ on Sunday'. It would be even more odd if he wrote 'would @Notmotherofflowergirls and Bob like to come for a BBQ on Sunday'.

This is a rude and pedantic man. Don't be the same.

"But it's not particularly odd that someone who doesn't have kids doesn't invite everyone's kids to every event they host, nor is there anything wrong with that."

But what is odd in this case, @latetothefisting, is that the OP’s brother actually does have a one year old of his own.

Did you not ask him who he thought would watch your kids if he invited both their parents?

But why would/should he see it as his problem?

He's invited you to a bbq, if you can't make it it's not his fault. The reason isn't really relevant. It's no more his problem if you can't make it due to not having childcare than if you couldn't make it due to feeling ill or having something else booked or your car being in the garage.

You're making it into a huge drama, when it's just a random weekend BBQ! He invited you, you choose whether to come or not. It's as easy as that. He doesn't have to bend over backwards to make it as easy as possible for you to attend, you don't have to attend if it isn't convenient, for whatever reason.

You both seem a bit odd, with terrible communication issues.

Yes, you're right in that most people probably would invite the whole family to a bbq. But it's not particularly odd that someone who doesn't have kids doesn't invite everyone's kids to every event they host, nor is there anything wrong with that. Personally if the invite specifically said 'Do you and Tom want to come to a BBQ' rather than 'do you and the family' or 'do you all want to come,' or 'bring the kids,' then I would have checked asking, and if the answer was no wouldn't have been offended. Equally if I hosted an event that kids weren't invited to, and some people couldn't attend because they didn't have/want to get childcare, I wouldn't be offended.

As per the MN saying, it's an invite not a summons!

What does he expect you to do with your children on a Sunday afternoon? Seriously? He’s being ridiculous. Or maybe he just didn’t want you to go?

So if only your Dh's name was on the invite, maybe you weren't invited either?
Your brother is a lot of hard work, I don't think I could be bothered with his silly way of inviting and getting snippy with your mom about only her name not her partner on the invites. All sounds a bit controlling.

Yes, any day time family meet up would usually include the whole family unless you were told otherwise.

If you ask him if he wants to come for dinner would he show up with his wife and child?

I'm entirely unsurprised that something as simple as a Sunday afternoon BBQ on Mumsnet are something else to become another "Elevenerife" issue.

Oh darling, we don't have burgers and sausages at our barbecue. Tarquell would never eat processed
meat. It reminds me of the thread where a dinner party guest bitched about getting food poisoning because the hostess didn't shop at Waitrose.

I don't think it is true that his message was clear in the context of an invitation to a Sunday afternoon BBQ. If he didn't want the children to come, he should have said so.

If I got an invite just saying Joan and Joan’s husband I’d assume no children.

A hey do you guys want to come for a bbq I’d assume the children were invited.

If they have gone to the effort to name names and not mention the children at all they are not invited.

This is what you said before:

Notmotherofflowergirls · Today 13:30
100% admit the text only mentioned my DH’s name.
We never imagined however, that an afternoon BBQ did not include our kids.
We arrived to find that they weren’t expected. Our cousin was there with their baby and a few friends, one of whom had a baby.
As for ringing to check, this is a major, major issue for my brother.

Now you say you were invited too - which is it?

SO astronomically weird!! The default is kids are invited to family occasions in my family . If it’s an adult only invite (which it never has been as that’s just odd) the text would have to spell out “no kids” or “adults only”.

I’d be pissed off at my brother if he did that and would just leave straight away once I found out the kids weren’t welcome. Who on earth arranges a babysitter for a Sunday family BBQ, so strange.

This. OPs follow-up responses changed my mind on this. I am baffled as to why she assumed the kids would be invited based on all she has said about her brother.

And the children will get sausages and burgers if they prefer that!

Your children (and you) are more than welcome! I love children being around at all events!

Invite him and his wife over. Don't mention the baby. Make sure it is short notice. When they turn up with the baby, remind him of this. And point out that weekend invitations should be assumed to include the entire family unless explicitly stated otherwise. Let him squirm about having to specifically exclude his nephews/nieces in future.

What other type is there?

Then he’s an arse. And I would be refusing all invitations. It’s not worth the drama.

Yes of course

So they had other dc there but yours were not invited?? 😳

I am not sure we would bother to return. How rude!

Sunday absolutely would expect it to be a family bbq. Friday or Saturday I would check. Sunday is a family day.

'Why were my kids not invited but 3 babies were?'

Did you ask this question?

But why does he exclude your children on a Sunday afternoon, which is generally considered family time, when it is quite a large gathering to which other children are invited?