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Original poster

I assumed my children were included in brother’s barbecue invitation

357 replies

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:16

So you receive a text from your brother himself the father of a one year old, asking if you and your husband want to come to a barbecue on a Sunday afternoon.

Would you expect that your two children were included in the invitation?

OP posts:
PussInBin20 · 24/07/2026 13:35

Eh? Did he just invite your DH?

Velvera · 24/07/2026 13:34

Did you go home?

Shinyandnew1 · 24/07/2026 13:33

Can you give more information? What was said when you arrived? Why was ringing to check ‘a major issue’ for your brother?

Did you ask why your cousin’s children were invited?

Has your brother even done anything like this before?

Was it an adult only event? Apart from
the invited children?

Laura95167 · 24/07/2026 13:33

I would expect it was children included unless hed said "child-free/adult get together" or similar.

Maybe if he suggested it started at 9pm I might check what about the kids.

But a simple you and John fancy a BBQ sunday Id assume theyd expect the kids to come (also wherelse would they be if their family was all at your DBs)

Tryagain26 · 24/07/2026 13:33

Yes I would definitely assume they were invited too. Did he say they weren't welcome?

notacooldad · 24/07/2026 13:33

We arrived to find that they weren’t expected. Our cousin was there with their baby and a few friends, one of whom had a baby.
So what happened next?
Where they turned away or given a burger?

Hedgehogbrown · 24/07/2026 13:32

If its a sibling I would expect the kids to come unless he says otherwise. With friends it's so annoying when they don't say one way or another. I have one particular group of friends who are so annoying, if I ask them if my kids are invited, they say yes but only because they are too chicken shit to say no, so I bring them and it is completely inappropriate for children and we last about five minutes. So annoying.

notacooldad · 24/07/2026 13:32

Yes, unless they are adult children
Id expect my adult children to be included.
What usually happens is a WhatsApp message goes out saying ' we are having a barbie at 15:00hrs, whose coming? Let me know by Saturday night.'

BOOOOP345 · 24/07/2026 13:31

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:30

100% admit the text only mentioned my DH’s name.

We never imagined however, that an afternoon BBQ did not include our kids.

We arrived to find that they weren’t expected. Our cousin was there with their baby and a few friends, one of whom had a baby.

As for ringing to check, this is a major, major issue for my brother.

Did you ask why your kids were not invited but the cousins were?

BOOOOP345 · 24/07/2026 13:30

exact wording?

Original poster
Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:30

100% admit the text only mentioned my DH’s name.

We never imagined however, that an afternoon BBQ did not include our kids.

We arrived to find that they weren’t expected. Our cousin was there with their baby and a few friends, one of whom had a baby.

As for ringing to check, this is a major, major issue for my brother.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 24/07/2026 13:29

So what's happened? Has he turned your kids away or something?

JLou08 · 24/07/2026 13:24

Yes I'd think the kids were invited. BBQs are usually a family event. I've never been to an adult only BBQ.

Hopefulsalmon · 24/07/2026 13:24

Yes, unless they are adult children

notacooldad · 24/07/2026 13:24

Yes I would.
I wouldn't think that an afternoon gathering would exclude children, same the other way around, if I sent a message out asking if he wanted to come around for the barbie I'd expect his wife kids and knowing him, the two dogs.
Id expect it would include adult children ( our family gatherings include everyone.)

Lulu1919 · 24/07/2026 13:23

How old are the kids ?
if under 16 I’d assume yes
if older - I’d probs check

WhatAMarvelousTune · 24/07/2026 13:23

Yes, in that scenario I would assume my children were invited. It wouldn’t occur to me to think otherwise.

(unless there is a history of him preferring child free events, and I’m assuming these are not adult children)

Knittedfairies2 · 24/07/2026 13:23

On a Sunday afternoon, at short notice, I would assume they were invited.

Velvetandleather · 24/07/2026 13:22

How old are the kids? Mine is now in her twenties, and doesn’t live with us, so I always say yes please and can x come, it’s always yes.

but when she lived with us and was younger, it wasn’t even a question, of course she was invited, who does that.

StrangerOnline · 24/07/2026 13:22

Yes, I would - whole family is implied

LaurieFairyCake · 24/07/2026 13:22

Unless they’re teenagers that can be left then obviously

when my kids were teenagers I also wouldn’t expect them to be excluded, that’s weird

randomchap · 24/07/2026 13:22

MotherPooperior · 24/07/2026 13:21

It wouldn't even occur to me to ask tbh.

An afternoon BBQ at a close family members house is obviously going to include the children.

Except I am guessing in this instance it didn't include the children, which is weird AF.

Show quote history

I'd assume so but it sounds like there's back story, better to check than not

Stegosaur · 24/07/2026 13:21

If it said, "Do you and Ben want to come for BBQ on Sunday?" I'd think, oh the kids don't seem to be invited, I'll phone him and check first.

If it said, "Do you and the family want to come?" I'd assume that included the kids.

Havenhelpus · 24/07/2026 13:21

It would probably depend on what type of bbq it was - casual family get together? Friends coming around for drinks/cocktails? Celebrating something?

In my family it’d probably be assumed kid friendly but context of the event would be made clear so it’d be obvious whether kids were included.

UpDownAllAround1 · 24/07/2026 13:21

If kids under say 16, then yes