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Original poster

I assumed my children were included in brother’s barbecue invitation

357 replies

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:16

So you receive a text from your brother himself the father of a one year old, asking if you and your husband want to come to a barbecue on a Sunday afternoon.

Would you expect that your two children were included in the invitation?

OP posts:
Floratheexplorer57 · 24/07/2026 13:52

I would absolutely assume it was a family invite but I wouldn't assume that if it was 7.00pm on a Saturday night.

Bristolandlazy · 24/07/2026 13:51

If this really happened your brother is a dick to make his own nieces and nephews feel unwelcome at a BBQ. I'd be busy in the future if he sends invites.

W0tnow · 24/07/2026 13:50

We are a normal family. I’m not super close to my brother, but yeah. Normal. It would not occur to me that the kids weren’t invited.

LejlaKapovic · 24/07/2026 13:49

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:16

So you receive a text from your brother himself the father of a one year old, asking if you and your husband want to come to a barbecue on a Sunday afternoon.

Would you expect that your two children were included in the invitation?

No, because I assume only those mentioned in the invitation are invited. Like it or not, not everyone sees a family as a package that always come with everyone included - sometimes people only want to socialise with the adults, or one person of a couple. That's perfectly acceptable, but people should then also expect that some people might not want to come to their event.

chirrupybird · 24/07/2026 13:48

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:45

He apparently gets very frustrated with us as in my mother and me and our communication style. He prefers texting.
So he invites my mum and sometimes her partner. Next time he might invite just my mum so she will ring to check if partner can come and brother will simply refer her to the text again.
If we were having an informal event and someone said they had a guest we would say bring them along. My brother would just say Oh that’s unfortunate.

He holds his mother to the letter of a text and won't even discuss if she rings to check? He sounds rather odd, some sort of control freak perhaps. Does she go if her partner isn't invited? I wouldn't.

Pumpkinmagic · 24/07/2026 13:47

Of course they’d be included!? What are you meant to do with them otherwise? Your brother sounds a bit of an odd ball. In my circles anything with no kids is organised weeks in advance and is made really clear it’s an adult thing but would tend to be in the evening anyway.

viques · 24/07/2026 13:47

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:30

100% admit the text only mentioned my DH’s name.

We never imagined however, that an afternoon BBQ did not include our kids.

We arrived to find that they weren’t expected. Our cousin was there with their baby and a few friends, one of whom had a baby.

As for ringing to check, this is a major, major issue for my brother.

What did they expect you to have done with your children?

Very odd.

Did you stay or go?

Sorry, just saw your update.

They stayed, but were clearly not very welcome!

Original poster
Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:47

Oh this BBQ was not a burger and sausage type BBQ.

OP posts:
Jan24680 · 24/07/2026 13:46

Of course you would assume they are invited it's Sunday afternoon and not someone's wedding. And there were other literal children there. I was pretty anti children most of my adult life but if I invite someone with kids, I expect kids.

MeAndMyGhost · 24/07/2026 13:45

If my brother invited me to a bbq, which is a social occasion, you'd expect the whole family to be invited.

Original poster
Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:45

He apparently gets very frustrated with us as in my mother and me and our communication style. He prefers texting.
So he invites my mum and sometimes her partner. Next time he might invite just my mum so she will ring to check if partner can come and brother will simply refer her to the text again.
If we were having an informal event and someone said they had a guest we would say bring them along. My brother would just say Oh that’s unfortunate.

OP posts:
chirrupybird · 24/07/2026 13:45

My brother would have known I wouldn't be coming if my DC were not invited. Even if the invite was lunch at a pub let alone at his house.

notacooldad · 24/07/2026 13:44

Sorry *Netcurtainnelly *
Im not sure what you mean by ' dont bother then' in reply to my question to Op.
Are you referring to me or the op?

Teacakesfortwo · 24/07/2026 13:42

There's so much anti-child stuff now in the media. It's being normalised to be horrible to kids and parents.

DanceMumTaxi · 24/07/2026 13:40

MotherPooperior · 24/07/2026 13:21

It wouldn't even occur to me to ask tbh.

An afternoon BBQ at a close family members house is obviously going to include the children.

Except I am guessing in this instance it didn't include the children, which is weird AF.

Show quote history

Completely agree. People can be so odd can’t they.

ldnmusic87 · 24/07/2026 13:40

You need to explain more, not drip feed

anon2026xyz · 24/07/2026 13:39

Yes. If a family member was having a barbecue, I would assume it was for the family, unless specified that it's an adults only event (in which case I would be pissed off that others were allowed to bring young ones)

thistimelastweek · 24/07/2026 13:38

Which bit is the major issue for your brother. The ringing/ not ringing to check?
Or your children turning up unexpectedly? Are they particular sausage guzzlers?
For what it's worth, I would have assumed my children were invited.

Velvera · 24/07/2026 13:38

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:36

They were accommodated and given something to eat and asked if they wanted to watch a film. The younger one did keep coming out as she wanted to play with the babies.

So he wanted them to stay in the house out of the way on a summer afternoon?

How odd.

Netcurtainnelly · 24/07/2026 13:38

notacooldad · 24/07/2026 13:36

Can you give more information? What was said when you arrived? Why was ringing to check ‘a major issue’ for your brother?
Did you ask why your cousin’s children were invited?
Has your brother even done anything like this before?
Was it an adult only event? Apart from
the invited children??

Has he had family gatherings before? What normally happens?

Edited

Don't bother then.

notacooldad · 24/07/2026 13:36

Can you give more information? What was said when you arrived? Why was ringing to check ‘a major issue’ for your brother?
Did you ask why your cousin’s children were invited?
Has your brother even done anything like this before?
Was it an adult only event? Apart from
the invited children??

Has he had family gatherings before? What normally happens?

Tryagain26 · 24/07/2026 13:36

randomchap · 24/07/2026 13:20

You could just reply and ask. It's not hard

I wouldn't even think I would have to ask.
It's very odd that the brother didn't expect them. He should have said try hey weren't welcome if he didn't want them included

Original poster
Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:36

They were accommodated and given something to eat and asked if they wanted to watch a film. The younger one did keep coming out as she wanted to play with the babies.

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 24/07/2026 13:36

Have you as a family hosted ‘child free’ events before? If so, I’d of double checked if the invite stated just your names and not a collective ‘you guys free Sunday’.

We never check because children are undoubtedly always welcome in our family- faces are pulled when they don’t come 😂

User573359 · 24/07/2026 13:35

Friends I might check, although could usually guess depending on the friend. Family on a Sunday I would definitely assume it was a family invite. It's unlikely to be a boozy affair if they have a baby and it's in the day. How old are your kids?