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Original poster

I assumed my children were included in brother’s barbecue invitation

357 replies

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:16

So you receive a text from your brother himself the father of a one year old, asking if you and your husband want to come to a barbecue on a Sunday afternoon.

Would you expect that your two children were included in the invitation?

OP posts:
AwayWiththeGoblins · 24/07/2026 15:31

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 15:27

He would argue that the text was clear as it had my and DH’s names… but for a BBQ.

I'm trying to say this delicately, but does he not realise he's operating at something of a distance from the rest of the human race here? That the parents of two small children are really not going to be disposed to try to find afternoon childcare so they can attend a barbecue that at least one other baby was going to be present at without their own children? Or is he like those people who try to pretend that childfree weddings are them actually being specially thoughtful, so that parents can really let their hair down instead of wiping noses and checking for children's meals?

BlackRowan · 24/07/2026 15:31

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 15:22

FeliciaFancybottom … You’re not my brother or SiL are you?

I sort of guessed people would to h on neurodivergence - he is not neurodivergent. If he were neurodivergent, his behaviour would be easier to explain.

He is well educated in a profession where he could make real money but he works for a ‘collective’ helping refugees and the most vulnerable in society. In real life he is compassionate.

He is witty and seems to be very central in his circle.
He is Godfather to cousin’s baby.

I am assuming the three babies present ( and there was a dog) were invited.

The text, to be fair stated who was invited but I assumed that my children were as well.

I would say that they do more formal events than is usual in our family.

Sounds like he’s one of those people who are compassionate only to some collective people like “refugees” but not real people in flesh and blood/or family.

godmum56 · 24/07/2026 15:28

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 15:22

FeliciaFancybottom … You’re not my brother or SiL are you?

I sort of guessed people would to h on neurodivergence - he is not neurodivergent. If he were neurodivergent, his behaviour would be easier to explain.

He is well educated in a profession where he could make real money but he works for a ‘collective’ helping refugees and the most vulnerable in society. In real life he is compassionate.

He is witty and seems to be very central in his circle.
He is Godfather to cousin’s baby.

I am assuming the three babies present ( and there was a dog) were invited.

The text, to be fair stated who was invited but I assumed that my children were as well.

I would say that they do more formal events than is usual in our family.

my question stands

Original poster
Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 15:27

He would argue that the text was clear as it had my and DH’s names… but for a BBQ.

OP posts:
bluebeck · 24/07/2026 15:26

YANBU. He sounds rather odd.

BillieWiper · 24/07/2026 15:26

If he usually invites the kids but only actually mentions you and husband then yes I would.
If he usually would say 'would you, Dave and the kids like to come round' but didn't say that this time then I'd possibly take it that they weren't. But I would check.

BlackRowan · 24/07/2026 15:25

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:45

He apparently gets very frustrated with us as in my mother and me and our communication style. He prefers texting.
So he invites my mum and sometimes her partner. Next time he might invite just my mum so she will ring to check if partner can come and brother will simply refer her to the text again.
If we were having an informal event and someone said they had a guest we would say bring them along. My brother would just say Oh that’s unfortunate.

On first paragraph: he’s a bit of a dick and likes to play power games?

second paragraph: that’s a different scenario, it’s okay not to want the extra unrelated guests. But re family members it’s weird and also referring people to the text invite wording - what a prince

MeridaBrave · 24/07/2026 15:25

Before 7pm yes, after 7pm no. If over 11/12 and no babysitter needed I woukd probably check as it wouldn’t be clear.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 24/07/2026 15:22

What did he expect, that you would get a babysitter for a family BBQ?

Original poster
Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 15:22

FeliciaFancybottom … You’re not my brother or SiL are you?

I sort of guessed people would to h on neurodivergence - he is not neurodivergent. If he were neurodivergent, his behaviour would be easier to explain.

He is well educated in a profession where he could make real money but he works for a ‘collective’ helping refugees and the most vulnerable in society. In real life he is compassionate.

He is witty and seems to be very central in his circle.
He is Godfather to cousin’s baby.

I am assuming the three babies present ( and there was a dog) were invited.

The text, to be fair stated who was invited but I assumed that my children were as well.

I would say that they do more formal events than is usual in our family.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 24/07/2026 15:20

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:30

100% admit the text only mentioned my DH’s name.

We never imagined however, that an afternoon BBQ did not include our kids.

We arrived to find that they weren’t expected. Our cousin was there with their baby and a few friends, one of whom had a baby.

As for ringing to check, this is a major, major issue for my brother.

why do you go along with this idiocy? Is he a great brother?

SpaceRaccoon · 24/07/2026 15:17

What did your brother expect you and DH to do with your children - leave them unattended?
I don't like the sound of him tbh.

NotMeAtAll · 24/07/2026 15:15

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:47

Oh this BBQ was not a burger and sausage type BBQ.

Was it a swinger's party?

WonderingWanda · 24/07/2026 15:11

This is highly unusual for a family bbq. I think your brother has issues. At least you now know to check, or you could just send a message saying "DB please don't bother inviting us again unless the invite includes our children, you are well aware we are a family"

WildLeader · 24/07/2026 15:11

Just keep going with your kids, ignore your weirdo brother.

make HIM be specific and then you can have the conversation about WtAF does he think you’re supposed to do with your small children while he extends invites to you only and exclude them? Tell him he’s being weird and it’s invite one, expect all, unless otherwise notified by you/your h

stop putting up with this nonsense

Thisisit26 · 24/07/2026 15:02

@Notmotherofflowergirls I bet it’s a case of not wanting older kids around precious babies , I’ve come across it here and in RL. Parents of babies judging and intolerant of older kids like they can’t even imagine their babies will turn into them 🙄🙄🙄
Awful behaviour, ridiculous! I can’t imagine making small family members feel
unwelcome or not invite them , how low like …

lanthanum · 24/07/2026 14:56

Afternoon, I would assume that pre-teens were invited too, unless the invitation was clearly worded "would you and DH like to come...".
Evening, I'd check if it wasn't explicit.

Babies are always a bit different to mobile kids; less easy to leave at home, and less disruptive to adult company.

My mil is now making things very explicit, after the time we were visiting and she'd planned an evening get-together with adult family, and someone turned up with their kids. However nothing was said, extra chairs were hastily found, and it all worked out. DD did a great job of entertaining the kids, who had probably never met an adult who willingly talks minecraft before.

rainbowstardrops · 24/07/2026 14:55

Your brother is …….. odd. To put it mildly.
Why do you bother entertaining his strangeness?

MidnightPatrol · 24/07/2026 14:55

Where did he think your children would otherwise be on a Sunday afternoon…?

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 24/07/2026 14:53

What on earth did he think you’d do with your children on a Sunday afternoon??

Rachelshair · 24/07/2026 14:51

He sounds very hard work and rude. Inviting close family to family parties without their kids, when other kids are there, is odd.

Bluesclues1 · 24/07/2026 14:49

Is there some sort of massive backstory here? I’m guessing your username is some sort of hint/dig?

Newstart3 · 24/07/2026 14:49

Yes your a family unit. If you and your DH are invited and it's event that is usually child friendly such as an afternoon BBQ yes of course.

FeliciaFancybottom · 24/07/2026 14:47

I'm also slightly frustrated with your communication style OP.

ListenToTheAirport · 24/07/2026 14:45

Notmotherofflowergirls · 24/07/2026 13:47

Oh this BBQ was not a burger and sausage type BBQ.

What other types of BBQ are there?!