AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

Surely if you’re fussy that’s your choice? What are you eating at these cheap restaurant that is so palatable and acceptable? Fussy kids wanting to eat mechanically reconstituted nuggets I can understand, but adults? The amount of meals everyone else is choking down and wasting good money on to appease the nugget eaters in this country must be insane.

There are dishes other than chips or seafood.

I can't tell if you've genuinely not read it and are just posting based on what you've imagined, or are deliberately getting it wrong to just argue against people. Either way it's a weird way to contribute to a discussion.

How do you know what restaurant it is?

Oh yes let's go to an expensive restaurant and eat chips.

Because all of the other aunts, uncles and cousins wanted to go. Why stop them coming because of children who insist on only chicken nuggets or plain pasta? I'd find that really off.

How - just how - have you missed the hundreds of posts, OP's included, pointing out that there is food other than seafood at this seafood restaurant ?

Id think it was pressure if it was a seafood restaurant as I can't eat seafood.

Why doesn’t that compromise extend to the brother and cousins. Per OP they are always compromising for them, maybe for once these cousins need to compromise. You never know with a different they might find something they like, if never given the chance they’ll never find out

Even for ARFID, the advice isn’t avoid exposure to all foods other than safe food forever. It is positive exposure, without pressure. Like a nice day out with cousins and family, chatting, joking, having fun, and picking the one safe thing off the menu(or even nothing at all and they can eat before or after) while no one bats an eyelid or makes a fuss.

What if they enthusiastically eat the chips?😬

I think if the cousins are important, she should have picked a restaurant that accommodates them and wider family and then done the fish restaurant as a smaller family outing. You have to learn that when you’re dealing with a larger group, you have to compromise a bit for harmony.

Can you ask the restaurant if they could do something they would like? Or if it would be alright to bring something to go with chips, if you are a big party spending lots of money they may be happy to help.

You know that for many children this isn't a choice? For some it might just be fussiness for others a medical condition. ARFID is a recognised medical condition.

I wouldn't ask anyone to go to a restaurant and sit there watching everyone else tuck in while they picked at some chips. I can hang out with them at other times and in other places.

A super-fussy eater who expected to be pandered to would not be a friend of mine, I don't have the energy for that in my life.

My eldest GC loves sushi, snacks on seaweed etc. Her younger sibling has a restricted eating pattern. We'd go with the eating before we went, chips and desert. It's your DD's birthday, she gets to choose.

That behaviour is a choice and nothing to do with the fussiness. The only time I pulled faces or made any kind of noises was when a “i know better than you “ fucker secretly served me lamb in a curry. In her opinion, my issues were because I never had lamb “the right way”. So she decided to “fix” me. Nope , I reacted the exact same way I always did (feeling queasy/actually being sick) and I had told her in conversations. The irony is , SHE was the offended one. Ex friend after that, obviously.

Maybe the cousins need to learn to ‘go with the flow’ and not have everything tailored to their needs. Their parents also need ti work on expanding their food tastes .

If you’re fussy (and I mean fussy not allergies or vegan or anything) you don’t understand what an impact it has on everyone else when you go out for a meal. The face pulling at anyone eating something you wouldn’t eat and then the comments, looking like you’re going to throw up when you put the smallest bit of plain chicken on your fork, the stress about ordering said plain chicken off a very unadventurous menu. I’ve got some picky extended family members and it doesn’t matter how plain or safe the food is, it’s never plain or safe enough for them. So the brother should graciously decline and let the rest of the family enjoy a meal out for once imho and the consequences of being a picky fucker should be on the pickers and not on everyone else for a change.

French school menus are very good,
and all DC are strongly encouraged to take them up with generous financial aid provided.

Educating children’s palates is taken very seriously there. New foods are discussed in the early years classrooms then introduced in small steps during successive lunches. The French educational system is far from perfect, but they do food right.

The ones that grow up being pandered to like the cousins are, absolutely would mind! Trust me!

Fussy people who manage their fussiness without making it other people’s problem, absolutely can socialise , have fun and enjoy an outing even if the food isn’t an option, so don’t assume they automatically should be excluded.

I have looked at the menu and prices. It is not an expensive restaurant at all. It is normal prices. Agreed it is not cheap, i.e. McD's, KFC etc.

She has some cousins there and picky eater cousins can eat chips, which is probably what they eat at their ‘safe’ restaurants.

Given that the only reason to go is the 12yo birthday and she wanted her cousins there, then she does stand to lose out the most.

my opinion is let the 3 cousins miss out. They need consequences for the fussiness.

Why didn’t you just go to the restaurant with your own family after the cinema with cousins? Have a nice time then wave them off. Some things are best saved and special for you, your child and how your family unit likes it.

So much hassle and complication.

Well... she did want Italian, which I knew already, so it's a moot point. She's not a fussy eater. It was easy to find somewhere that would please both of us.

If I was friends with a super-fussy eater I would just not invite them to a restaurant (and a super-fussy eater probably wouldn't mind, as restaurants are presumably not their thing).