AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

The person who's birthday it is has Requested a particular restaurant. The rest of the time she has had to eat/celebrate in places that are not to her taste. She is not in any way being unreasonable. This is obviously the only time her actual desires are being recognised.

It is an invitation, if some invitees find the venue unacceptable then they can say they are unable to attend. It is very rude to try to change the venue when that is where the host is celebrating their birthday.

Would said rude family members expect a Bride and Groom to only have their Reception where they choose? No. That would be unacceptable. So why do these people consider it is acceptable to bully a child who has chosen a particular venue for their birthday?

Yes she is old enough to think about and work through this

They aren't the hosts.

You could argue that both ways, with the cousins being the ‘me, me, me’ element and not thinking about the birthday girl.

God forbid anyone remembers how to be a good host, think of your guests. Seems to be one of those conventions that have disappeared in the me me me times

@randomcar1990

Good for you in not backing down - it’s your daughter’s birthday & she gets to choose where to eat - especially if all other family meals are at places chosen to accommodate the cousins! Tough shit for them on this 1 occasion. They can eat some chips & ice cream & learn that it’s not always about them!! End of.

Tough shit on your brother. They come and eat chips or don’t come. OR could they join you for dessert? Pandering to others in your own birthday is silly. When it’s one of her cousin’s birthdays could she then insist on the seafood restaurant as that what she prefers? No. It works both ways, they suck it up and come or not.
I wonder if the children are really that fussy or it’s the parents pushing it? It’s surprising what children eat away from their parents sometimes!

“Girls, don’t get ideas above your station by thinking you can like nice things and invite people to join you in enjoying them. It’s not as if an invitation can be declined, after all! Accept only the bare minimum, and that nothing is ever about you. Not even your own birthday.”

She is still forcing her parents or other families to fork out for a restaurant that is expensive enough for her parents to offer to help other people pay

No-one is being forced to go. They can always decline.

I suspect that these family members are excited to go to a decent restaurant for a change instead of a downmarket place that provides mass produced beige food.

Do you think it is possible the OP knows her family better than you?

So the Op says, but wonder how excited they are in private when the OP has thought that they may need a bit of help to afford this particular restaurant. In that position it is difficult to say no even if you really don’t like the idea, they might not want to
lose face…

She is still forcing her parents or other families to fork out for a restaurant that is expensive enough for her parents to offer to help other people pay, she also wants to go to the cinema with them on the same day and is having a birthday party soon. I don’t know how many cousins are in total but if the reluctant brother has 3 kids and a partner he may be expecting to fork nearly £200 in a day for this little entitled kid to have her cake and eat it.

If that isn’t a flipping bridezila in the making I really don’t know what that is.

Again, a generational issue, I have done all kinds of things I am not particularly keen on for people’s birthdays. I would never dream of making a big deal of it, I either go or politely decline. I can see why society is raising a herd of privileged and selfish individuals. This should not be a big deal, they have the right to decline but do not have the right to put pressure on to get her to change, especially in the light society often expecting girls to compromise for boys and men. Maybe your brother needs to work on supporting his kids to compromise/try new foods. And I say that as the mother of a SEND child with ASD.

Why can't your brother bring his kids for the morning and then they can go home dor their dinner? They are old enough to understand that since there isn't anything on the menu they will like they would be better off eating at home. Surely at 12 your dd understand that her uncle's children might not want to come to the meal as they eat such a limited list of foods?

Guests are important and I would always consider their needs when planning a party. For instance today I am making a fish starter for my son's birthday but I know at least 2 guests aren't keen on fish so I have 3 other alternative starters for them to eat. Your brother either compromises as there is at least chips on the menu or he doesn't but she deserves to go to the restaurants of her choice on her birthday.

It's the cousins who are inflexible. They won't go anywhere other than their three preferred restaurants. Until now, every family member has had to accommodate them. Now it's their turn to accommodate someone else's choice.

None of the adults invited have a problem with the restaurant. They're excited to go.

The more you talk about your daughter the more like a spoiled little madam she looks. You are there saying you can’t afford to have two separate visits to a restaurant while you expect other parents to fork more money out than you do as they have more kids to pay for. Honestly… you both need to give your heads a wobble.

Totally agree with this. She chooses an expensive restaurant that puts parents in an uncomfortable position, they may feel embarrassed to accept they wouldn’t spend that much in an outing, more so if their kids don’t enjoy that kind of food.

Your kid says she wants to spend time with her cousins but cannot show any consideration or flexibility. Probably more than allowing her to put everyone in an awkward position your child needs a parent to help her learn that the world is not all about herself, it is a birthday not her last meal before dying.

Choose a more reasonable restaurant that suits the needs and budget of everyone and take her to the expensive restaurant with just you and her dad.

FFS. Why should the extended family always eat at one of the same three lowest common denominator restaurants this time? It's her birthday. The fussy eaters can either suck it up or decline.

I once had a team Christmas meal at a very ordinary pizza place in a shopping centre to accommodate the fussiest eater in the team.

And the person who matters most is the birthday girl. And she's not chosen Spoons.

Just get an uber to spoons and have a laugh. It’s people that matter not how buttery the sauce your calamari was in ffs! 💕🥰☺️🤪

Tell her if she wants them present she’d need another place. Up to her really.
I am so bloody old I only recall never having a birthday party and not missing it either.

I was teetering until you said every extended family meal has to be at one of the three restaurants your brother’s kids will eat at. So every family meal is based around accommodating their fussy eating. No wonder every one else is excited about this restaurant. No, your brother and his family can suck it up for once. Hope your daughter has a lovely birthday.

They don't eat pizza or sausages, so that wouldn't help.

If OP’s brother wants the entire family to continue bowing to the wishes of his fussy children to only go to three mediocre restaurants when they eat out together, he owes them a compelling reason why.