AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

Your brother has to suck it up - it’s his fault for raising kids that are so fussy.

I can't get past inviting people to a celebration and expecting them to pay. If I'm paying I do expect some input on the restaurant IE somewhere I can eat the food.

"Seafood is a niche preference"

Haha! No, it isn't! It's a regular source of protein almost across all world cuisines!

If all they usually eat is chips and nuggets it’s not going to be that much of an issue for them to just have chips and a desert one time is it. I don’t understand what the fuss is about.

I don’t think I’d want to go with them though if there is going to be moaning. Take her the night before her birthday with just the nuclear family and do something else with the cousins?

I didn't like seafood as a child and sometimes I had to go to restaurants where I didn't like much of the menu if it was a sibling/parent birthday.... That's life! They don't have to come if they don't want to is the side I'm on. They wouldn't be able to ask for a difference restaurant if it was a friend's birthday.

None of my family would go to a fish restaurant. Not for us. The invite would be politely declined, and I would wish you a nice evening. I assume your daughter value the food over the company of her cousins, which is fine

@randomcar1990 "My brothers kids only eat chicken nuggets and chips are restaurant, plain pasta if they really have no other options. So we are very limited to like 3 restaurants when we go to dinner"

Congratulations on bringing up a child with a better palate! I know this sounds obvious, but presumably your daughter is aware that the fish restaurant is non-negotiable for her cousins? So it's basically the restaurant or time spent with them. Have you asked her to make the decision?

I would be expecting your brother to say to his children something like 'Everyone always goes to restaurants that suit you, because you're picky about food. This is one occasion where it's not about you, it's about your cousin and her birthday so you will suck it up, smile and have some chips. Then I'll get you McDonalds on the way home.'

And I say this as someone who had a very fussy eater, who grew up understanding that the world didn't revolve around him (and consequently is not a selfish adult)

Have you ever been to a restaurant?

They tend to have things called "menus" that tell you what they serve.

They're not random caterers.

And yet her adult uncle is not teaching his kids not be selfish - he wants them all to go to one of 3 restaurants which are the only ones they will eat at , and which the OP's Dd does not enjoy!

This apparently widely disliked and niche restaurants serves non fish dishes.

I assume you think everyone is selfish if they don't pander to your fussiness?

Nope. And they shouldn't go.

But it was easily predictable this was going to cause bad feeling if the rest of the extended family attend and the only reason brother's kids aren't there is due to not being able to eat anything other than chips at the restaurant selected. OP just has to accept that.

could you contact the restaurant and explain its for a special family occasion but unfortunately 3 children will not able to eat fish, and is there anything else they could do for them? I think the manager of a decent place may well make an effort to accommodate everyone. What about something even very simple like an omelette?
Or something with cheese? Or pasta?

Obviously you're in the right. I'm glad you're not going to spoil her treat.

Important lesson my arse, we need to stop giving girls the message they don’t matter.

she can spend the day with them, just not dinner she can have the rest of her cousins and family at the dinner,

Of course she isn't being malicious. She's 12 but this is a chance for her to learn about how these things work. It's like taking small children to pick a gift for a friend. They need to think about someone else and they don't get to keep the toy. These are opportunities to learn how to make your life proceed with more social ease. Having read Mumsnet posts about disappointment over invitations, these are valuable lessons you can teach her that will stand her in good stead for the future.

There is no way you should change your daughters birthday so it makes your brothers kids happy, what on earth kind of message would that be for her, never put yourself first, doesn’t matter what you want, give it up and let someone else decide, fuck that,

go to the restaurant, your bother and his kids can join you for the rest of the day and meet after and eat elsewhere for dinner,

it’s beyond shit of him to even request this, whay a selfish shit he is,

Incredible entitlement and joy-sucking on this thread.

On her birthday, the OP's daughter wants to go somewhere that gives her pleasure.

The fact that her cousins are fussy eaters shouldn't have to make her go somewhere bland and characterless.

This pandering to childish picky eating is infuriating to the rest of us.

I think this is an important lesson for your daughter actually. She said she wanted to spend the day with her cousins, so she needs to choose a restaurant that is suitable for them. When you’re hosting something, you have to consider everyone that you are inviting, whether or not you think they’re fussy or difficult. If she wants to go to this restaurant so badly, she either excludes her cousins, or goes another time.

I doubt a fancy restaurant would allow that. We have a friend with severe allergies and most places won't even allow her to bring safe food to eat.

But no one is forcing them to come.

I don’t think either of you are being particularly unreasonable.

It’s your daughters birthday so she should get to choose the restaurant.

However by choosing somewhere expensive and a seafood place you are excluding others from potentially enjoying it or wanting to go. I expect that a lot of children probably don’t like seafood.

It seems as though you are looking down on them a bit because the children only eat beige food, but very picky eaters are annoying.

Can brother bring something else for his kids to eat?

Lol. No chance would I be taking kids along to a birthday meal at an expensive restaurant just so they can sit and eat chips whilst watching the rest of the fam tuck in.

It's a tweenzilla's birthday party not her bloody wedding. If she wants the fancy fish she can accept that not all the family are going to want to go with her.

You're not even paying for the guests meal!!

You also said:

"I also told them that I don't mind helping pay if some people think affording this restaurant would be difficult for them."

Surely it makes more sense to take your daughter to this restaurant on another occasion when it's just immediate family than to expect extended family to fork out for this so-expensive restaurant and/or you having to put your hand in your pocket to sub them?