AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

The part that doesn't make sense to me is that you say you can't take your daughter to this restaurant at any other time because you can't justify the cost of eating there.

Yet for her 12th birthday you can somehow justify subbing everyone else rather than go somewhere else for her birthday that everyone can attend, AND take her to the restaurant at a later date with just immediate family members. That would be infinitely cheaper.

If your daughter wants to spend time
with her cousins and also have a meal out, she needs to pick somewhere that will suit everyone. She can’t really have both if she’s picked somewhere they don’t like the food. It’s unfair for them to have to sit with a plate of chips.

I’d suggest that it would be more reasonable to pick a place everyone will enjoy and visit the seafood restaurant another time.

I also feel a bit of judgement coming from you about the range of food your brothers kids will eat….. it’s not something I can put my finger on but it’s just your wording.

I’d also add that you’ve probably made people feel uncomfortable mentioning helping them to pay.

In your brothers shoes I wouldn’t take my kids somewhere where their food options are limited to chips.

I don’t see how teaching her to consider others is giving her the message that she ‘doesn’t matter’.

There are loads of things that I would choose based on my own preferences. However, if I specifically asked and chosen to spend the day with someone, I need to factor in their needs/wants.

My sister was vegan for many years, and if I wanted to spend my birthday meal with her then I wouldn’t have booked a steakhouse. I’m having a big farewell party in a few weeks, and I’ve compromised on the food and location so that our friends can bring their young children to celebrate with us. Their presence and celebrating with them is more important to me than going to a specific restaurant. Making that choice doesn’t mean that I ‘don’t matter’. And I say all this as a massive foodie who can’t stand picky eaters.

Exactly.

Why? We get to have a lovely meal of her choice together, and another day she gets to play with her cousins all day, go to the cinema and McDonald’s or wherever. Better than the cousins not coming at all.

I wouldn't go to a fish restaurant. My children, when they were kids ,only ate the processed fish eg fish fingers, fish cakes so they would not have liked the thought of the restaurant.

However, that is on us. It is your DD birthday and she has been given a choice of where she wants to go and made a decision on her preferences. No way should that be taken from her to fit in with someone else. Let her enjoy her meal and dont compromise. If you give in you are teaching her that other people's preferences ( in this case suprise suprise, males) are more important than hers, especially when the day is about her.

You can always have a gathering and cake at your house later on.
I hope she gas a fab day and enjoys her fabulous meal.

Exactly.

Some people are allergic to chocolate.

That doesn't make chocolate a niche preference!

Oh behave yersel 🙄

She is though.

Previous poster: But you cannot make them come.
my kids were fussy abd honestly we just said no if there wasn’t anything they could eat. it’s an invite not summons

OP: Yeah of course. My brother knows this but he does want to come to the restaurant anyways for the sake of my daughters birthday

Wow how shit for your own kid.

I agree, your brothers fussy eater kids should (and probably will) be happy going out to a restaurant with their wider family and having chips and desert, there is probably something like garlic bread that they like in the starters section of the menu too. Perhaps its your brother that is being the fussy one?

Yeah, she's really giving that impression 🤣

I hardly think it's her "one chance" 😂. She has obviously been to this restaurant before!
She has a simple choice, spend the whole day with all her cousins, or not.
It is her decision, so she needs to pick one or t'other

Ah but he’s a man, and he can do that, the daughter is a girl and so she’s the selfish one wanting to do as she pleases on her own birthday.

Then he just needs to decline the invitation.

Personally I’d do the restaurant as just your family another night and go to McDonald’s or something easier and cheaper for extended family.

Still odd to me. If you can't pay for everyone you maybe should think of cost. OP says it's expensive and can't justify going there normally. Maybe her brother can't justify an expensive restaurant for his niece when his own kids won't even eat the food.

This is ironic given your lack of understanding that OP is perfectly accepting of people not wanting to come.

Yes - but then that is an allergy, it doesn't make fish and chips a 'niche preference'

Mussels, raw sushi, crab claws etc - yes, more niche.

A restaurant specialising in fish (cod, salmon etc) and including non fish dishes on the menu - how is that niche?

If it's normal in OP's wider family that everyone pays then what's wrong with that? Saying that people should only get together if one person/family can pay for all is very limiting for those who can't afford it.

The only input you need is the right to RSVP yes or no.

Hi op there isn’t much you can do about the fussy eaters so just say to db shall I book for you or not as she doesn’t want to swap restaurants and it’s her birthday treat and she is very excited to go. Let me know either way.

What part are you not understanding OP? Your daughter can pick any restaurant she wants.
Your daughter (and you) cannot insist other people attend.

Your daughters happiness is not everyone else's priority.

these are valuable lessons you can teach her that will stand her in good stead for the future.

What, like her wishes and preferences should always be second to other people's?

Some of us are allergic to it.