AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

It sounds boring always going to same 3 restaurants. It’s your daughter’s birthday so she picks, it’s not your brothers or the cousins birthday -they can pick on their own birthdays. Not your fault or your daughters the wider family are picky, they need to work on that

neither of you are unreasonable, you daughter should get her choice and if your brothers kids wont eat anything then he is more then entitled to say we will join you for the cinema but go home after as I don't want to waste money on food my kids wont eat.

It’s not a refined diet to eat fish. Problem is too many seem to have an issue with even trying fish unless it comes in finger or battered format

Can't you explain to your daughter that this restaurant is extremely expensive, and you'll take her another time, rather than have to sub the rest of the family for her birthday?

Your daughter is already having another party with her friends. She is very fortunate to be getting two celebrations for a 12th.

Your logic doesn't really make sense to me in light of the fact you've stated that you can't justify ever taking your daughter to this restaurant at any other time ... but somehow you can justify subbing the entire extended family to attend for a 12th birthday.

This assumes they are truly bothered about the cousins. I'm getting the sense that isn't the case. I honestly can't imagine choosing somewhere to eat where people I cared about couldn't get a decent meal.

I've already said I am vegan but I would never insist on everyone going to a vegan only restaurant with me because my dad likes to eat traditional meat and two veg.

Equally they would never choose a steakhouse where I couldn't eat the main course.

We love and care about each other so we choose places where we can all eat even if that means there's a bit of a compromise.

It's an important life lesson about compassion and caring that op ought to teach her daughter (and any sons, if she has them) but seems reluctant to.

Not in the UK it isn't! Children are brought up on chicken nuggets and have been for a long time now. I was fed sea urchins and raw vongole on the dock at Procida as a child, they don't introduce kids to things here.

Don't change the restaurant.

Ask BIL if plain pasta / pesto pasta is OK, which it sounds like it will be.

Call the restaurant and explain. I'm sure they will be able to accommodate three children's plain pasta portions.

Sounds like you always have to compromise for his family if eating with them. Time for your DD to have restaurant of her choice.

Are the DC just fussy or are there medical reasons they have limited diet. Can you check with restaurant whether they can do plain food or if medical need you can bring some of their own food

Actually having read some of the OP further posts about these poor nugget and chip eating kids and their pickiness, I’m starting to think this might be more of a stealth boast about how refined your daughters taste in food is with this very expensive seafood restaurant being what she’s absolutely desperate to go to. Add into that your comment about other people not being able to afford it and you offering to help the poor chip eaters out, I’d definitely not be bringing my kids.

But as the poster said surely you can do both. Your daughter could go to the restaurant she wants with immediate family and on the day do something that would be inclusive to everyone? It would be cheaper and more inclusive.

I wouldn’t change the restaurant.

I find it really annoying when plans have to change to cater for fussy eaters. Went on holiday with another family and they picked the restaurant every night for 9 days because it’s had things their kids would eat. It was all the same menu in each place. Steak, burgers etc. my son had asked several times to eat at this particular restaurant and I promised we would so the night before the last evening I made it perfectly clear that we were going there. Made sure I said it several times. They checked the menu on arrival and said to the waiter, sorry we can’t eat here we don’t need the table. I looked at them and said pardon. They explained their kids just won’t eat anything. I said oh ok. Well we’ll have a table and we’ll meet you for cocktails after at another place. All fine, but they never turned up at the cocktail bar. F
next morning they came down for breakfast late and sat away from us. Went over and said hello etc and they were frosty. Asked if everything was ok and they said well we thought we were holidaying together and not apart. I couldn’t believe it. I said are we all on holiday or are we on your holiday? We have done everything you’ve wanted to do from activities, to what lilos we bought, to snacks we’ve eaten and everywhere we’ve eaten if we’ve liked it or not has been at their wish. We’ve asked for one restaurant and if anyone should be upset it’s us as we’ve requested only one thing and they couldn’t even give us that. Just because my kids are not fussy doesn’t mean they’ve enjoyed their food. They don’t want to chicken nuggets everyday. People who pander like this to their kids are often more selfish than the parents who don’t

He’s got picky kids, that’s the problem. Either he or you could phone the restaurant and explain, they might make plain pasta or whatever his kids can eat.

Having kids you can’t eat out with is boring, but it shouldn’t affect the plan. Hopefully they can have desert at the restaurant also?

You could just announce that in accordance with your brother’s wishes, the day now officially ends at dinner time so everyone can do their own thing. No pretending a crappy routine meal at McDonald’s is a birthday treat.

You will be taking your DD out first a posh meal she really wants after that, and you’d be very happy if anyone else wanted to do the same.

Exactly the same outcome. You can’t pretend a routine McDonald’s/plastic pub meal that happens all the time and is no treat is actually a birthday treat.

I'd just have a lovely day with the cousins and book the restaurant for the next evening for just your small family group.

Otherwise, she may need to decide which she is more keen in - cousins at a different restaurant or no cousins at the fish restaurant.

Why do you all have to do dinner together? Can you not just say DD really wants to go to the fish restaurant. We know that won't work for you so we will do a later booking so we can all spend the day together then go out separate ways for dinner.

I am the parent of a 'picky' eater and it's not easy managing social situations, regardless of who's birthday it is. You can't really expect the child to take up a seat in a restaurant and sit for a few hours while everyone else around them eats.

I do think it's important to find somewhere everyone likes. Also it's awkward asking people to somewhere expensive - it's embarrassing for them if you pay part. Can't you eat there another time?

This is a 50/50 for me. Whilst I’m 🙄 about children who ‘will only eat chicken nuggets’ (would they have starved before chicken nuggets were invented?) equally, your daughter is being a bit Verruca Salt in demanding their presence to entertain her for her birthday, but then discarding them for the meal.

The respective adult parents should be not be pandering to their offspring’s whims quite as much (as Roald Dahl did caution - nothing good can come of it). An encouragement to try a bit of simple white fish like cod won’t kill them, and by the same token, you could go to your fancy fish restaurant at any other time.

Can you call the restaurant and explain your dilemma? You're going there with a relatively big party and I'm sure it would minimal trouble for them to make something that the 3 children would like to eat (if you know what their preferences are or could suggest something that you think the restaurant would be likely to be able to put together)?

You (and your daughter) are not being unreasonable. I am at a loss to understand those who suggest that your daughter must learn to compromise - compromise is great and should be practiced in most circumstances. But teaching children that they must always, even on a day that is supposed to celebrate them, give in to the whims of others is to teach them that their own happiness is always less important than others’. It is a dangerous lesson, especially for girls, who then grow up thinking they ought to put up with shitty, entitled, behaviour..

Your brother and his kids can come or not. Just chips for one meal won’t kill them. Why isn’t your brother teaching his children that they should accommodate your daughter, rather than expecting you to teach her to accommodate them? On her birthday of all days. Is he always an entitled so-and-so? I bet he always has a tantrum and gets his own way…

While it’s not unreasonable of course, and your dad wants to show her cousins the stuff she loves which is so nice, I was a picky eater as a child and seafood/ posh/ certain restaurants were miserable experiences where inevitably one person would make comments ‘but would you not try x or y’, if I didn’t someone would roll their eyes, if I did and gagged more roll of eyes. Hated it . Sometimes I didn’t even like the chips/ potatoes/ rice but would force them down while smartass adults made comments to my poor parents about how I’d eat differently if I were in their house. Worse still were the kids trying to turn me. Shudders!!

Ok, so how about this: contact your brother and tell him that you will pay for the children's chips and desserts and drinks as you recognise that they cannot eat at the restaurant that's been chosen, but you would still really like them to come.

If you make a gesture like that perhaps that will ease the upset over choosing somewhere the kids can't eat and he will feel more positively inclined and considered by you.

No. That decisions have consequences and she needs to decide whether she prioritises the restaurant experience or her cousins attendance. Both perfectly reasonable choices.

I did think you were being a bit unreasonable, if your daughter wanted to spend the day with her cousins, then they should compromise. However, after reading your update as to how fussy these kids actually are and that they have limited family gathering to three restaurants, I have changed my mind. It sounds like the family compromise enough around your brother's kids so let you daughter have the birthday she wants and they can join you later. I don't know why he is complaining they can only eat chips, I bet that's all they eat most of the time anyway! If you are going to let your kids be such fussy eaters then you have to accept that events revolving around food are not going to suit you.

Oh there you go, hes coming now, despite not liking the food, so no problem is there? What's the point of this thread then?