AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

Everyone - apart from birthday girl who didn’t want a generic restaurant

Brother never has to compromise. The whole family always goes where they want to eat.

This is your daughter's birthday. She can go where she wants. If they can't come because they couldn't possibly feed their kids anything other than chicken nuggets and chips then that's on them

If you are truly bothered by your cousins you will …. allow them to show how little they are bothered by you by allowing them to dictate what you do on your birthday …

I would change the reservation to a generic restaurant where everyone will be happy with a reasonably priced and more suitable for all meal, eplaining to your daughter that in this way all the cousins she wants to spend time with will come.
I would then book another day as ongoing 'birthday celebrations' just for your family at the seafood restaurant and, because it is in a higher price bracket perhaps make it special by all dressing smartly and making it more of an immediate family celebration, maybe arrange for a small bouquet of flowers or a little extra present gift-wrapped on her place setting.
Although I do agree that your brother and family could perhaps have gone with the flow without making a fuss, I think they could make the meal more awkward by making a point of not liking the menu, just ordering chips or whatever and thus spoiling the occasion.
At 12 your daughter is old enough to undertand this and should be happy with the change of arrangements once she understands the reason.
Apologies if this has already been mooted, haven't read the complete thread yet.

Brava, @Shodan.

I have paused my reading at your post, so perhaps the thread then takes a different turn. But as I read to this point I was growing more and more incredulous.

True, OP initially suppressed the extreme pickiness of this one set of cousins. But she did make it clear early on that others were looking forward to the restaurant. And now we know why, as it is surely a welcome change from the three places with exactly the right chicken nuggets and chips. We all know that those are not likely to offer the most delicious food in general.

Why no one commented on the selfishness of the picky eaters in bending the extended family to their culinary demands for, apparently, quite some time, is beyond me. In my home country their behaviour would be unthinkable unless severe, diagnosed autism or a similar disorder was the cause. Educating children’s palates should be part of helping them to grow up.

What a stupid post.

It's great OP won't spoil her daughter's special treat to appease fussy eaters.

No big deal.

I really don't think YABU, surely they can spend the day together, so the cinema and then skip the meal? At least they have one food option.

But if the brother expects people to go to the 3 limited restaurants when they are inviting people he’s not taking the happiness of extended family into account. I wouldn’t particularly enjoy a meal at McDonalds

It is your daughter's birthday. She has chosen.
If your brother and his children don't like the option, they can not come!
No need to overthink it.
If his children remain so difficult about their food they will miss out on a lot as they get older.

surely if you gave 3 picky eaters you know there have to be times you compromise, rather than everyone else always having to compromise for you. Everyone else in the extended family want to go to this restaurant. If it is a large booking I am sure the restaurant will be able to accommodate the picky eaters as they wouldn’t want to turn away a large booking

Especially if the reason we would have to go to 2 different restaurants is because of my brother

You don't have to do two restaurants though. Surely you can have some food at home on one day when they are playing in the garden and then go out on a separate day to the restaurant?

No, because good manners and consideration are reciprocal.

So when inviting, you consider everyone's happiness. When being invited, your happiness should be considered.

If you're not used to good manners, it might be hard to understand at first but it all works out fair in the end.

There are none seafood dishes on the menu ? It’s not just fish

I wouldn’t change the restaurant as that’s where your daughter wants to go but you and your daughter can’t get upset if your brother and his family don’t go because his kids don’t like anything on the menu.

I didn’t say eating fish was refined in itself but the OP is making much about how expensive it is and how she knows the other people won’t be able to afford it alongside how the cousins will only eat nuggets and chips and are so very picky. The comparison feels a bit “look how superior we are” to me.

If there are specific people you want to come to an event, the polite thing is to be inclusive and not expect them to sit there with some chips. She can’t have the bun and the ha’penny!

That isn’t always possible however

it’s important that people learn how to give and take
That they learn to make do sometimes if it makes someone else happy

what tends to happen is one person gives all the time and the other takes

"The restaurants that suit brother's children don't suit the rest of the family, but they always go there."

Has this actually been said?

OP says they always compromise when going out with these cousins, maybe it is time for the cousins to compromise

You seem to be missing the point. Have a meal with just your daughter at the expensive seafood restaurant and go to a cheaper place en masse where everybody can afford their own. Daughter sounds a bit spoilt frankly and you are enabling her.

Personally I’d do the restaurant as just your family another night and go to McDonald’s or something easier and cheaper for extended family.

But other members of the extended family do want to go to this restaurant.

If your daughter wants to spend time with her cousins and also have a meal out, she needs to pick somewhere that will suit everyone.

The restaurants that suit brother's children don't suit the rest of the family, but they always go there. Why shouldn't it be someone else's choice for a change?

Exactly.
I suspect mentioning the offer of helping with costs was,
a) to pre-empt criticism on here about OP expecting people to pay for meals at an expensive restaurant for her 12 year old's birthday, or
b) because she knew her family would be unlikely to accept the offer.

If they'd all said yes, please cover us as well then you'd be looking at paying out a lot more than you would for a meal for two adults and two kids at the restaurant in addition to takeaway pizza and 'special' chicken nuggets in the garden for the wider family on the day of the birthday.

They can choose to go or not to go, expecting to explode the whole of your daughter's birthday plans because his children are picky eaters is not a reasonable expectation.

I think your daughter should choose whichever restaurant she wants to on her birthday. If people don't like her choice, or are being difficult about eating chips or appetiser dishes instead of a main meal, they don't have to come. It's a shame, but...your daughter's birthday doesn't revolve around her cousins.