AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

Tell your brother that it’s your daughters birthday and she decides how she spends her day, then gently ask whether he or his kids would happily plans his kids birthday activity around the preference of your children.
of course in a way that is not as blunt as I have just put it 😂
This kind of thing, if entertained, teaches your brothers children that only their needs matter, and conditions the accommodating party that their needs don’t matter

And expensive chips at that !

Suggest to him that he takes his kids to McDonalds whilst the rest of you eat . As PP said, it’s an invite not compulsory. If they can’t find a single thing on the menu then maybe best they don’t come

OP has said there are non seafood options.

Most British fish restaurants have them.

Well its not fair to force your daughter to change her birthday meal to accommodate his kids fussiness. Its HER day

You put that so much better than I was drafting in my head.

it seems to me that its your daughter's choice. If she wants the whole family then she chooses another restaurant, if she wants that restaurant, then all her invitees won't come. I think 12 is old enough to understand this and to make the choice, maybe with some support.

Seems like there are other cousins who want to go to the restaurant, OP mentions other kids

There’s nothing at all on the entire children’s or adult menu that your nieces and nephews would eat ?!!
your brother has bigger problems than just this celebration so. Offer your daughter the choice -you proceed without your bro and his kids, or you change the restaurant to something everyone is able to eat at.

Well the brothers’ DC self limit their choices to a certain type of chicken nugget, plain pasta and chips, anyway. So I cannot see that a restriction to chips is a huge let down.

I suspect these kiddos are up for pudding, however.

That doesn't mean that they aren't.

You've been given some good advice on including everyone but if your daughter wants to eat there then tell your brother he's unfortunately not able to come and hopefully you can do something with them another time.

I'd have some food at yours after the cinema (a few pizzas or something) and then take your DD to the restaurant another time.

I get that she wants to enjoy the restaurant and spend time with her cousins, but if it's something they specifically don't like, you really can't expect them to do it.

I'm with you on this OP. Picky eaters - and allowing children to be picky eaters - irritates me. Children offered an array of interesting food (which my DC as children would have eaten) and wanting plain pasta or chips is ridiculous. Introduce different foods when they are small, keep eating ditto - my DC were brought up on what I think others would find very hot spiced food (and veggie food at home - they and I ate meat outside) and they still eat this and feed it to their DC.
I think we could call this habit of only eating bland foods we know about 'Elvis syndrome'?

You never know the children might actually find something they like at the restaurant

And I bet there will be at least one pudding they like

Even with neuro diversity, at some point you have to learn you can't always have things your own way. Either go or don't. My daughter (AuDHD) frequently sits in restaurants and eats chips (and sometimes doesn't eat anything) whilst the rest of us enjoy a lovely meal. It's a life skill.

As a PP alluded to - can you phone the restaurant and ask them if they will do plates of plain pasta for DB's children? Or the children can have chips having had something before.
Honestly I think once in a while DB has to face up to the fact his children cannot be accommodated perfectly every single time.

Wth am I reading? Do NOT relent OP, under no circumstances. Go to your daughter's favourite restaurant 100%.

As for the 'selfish' comments.. So let me get this straight. A girl who is celebrating her birthday needs to consider others' needs before her own, choose a place she doesn't want to go to, foregoing her favourite restaurant, even though everyone else other than one of her uncles is happy to attend. Otherwise, she's apparently 'selfish'. On her own birthday, no less.

But OP's brother, with his ridiculous beige kids, who dictates every family occasion, and who is apparently can go to only 3 restaurants - he and his chicken nuggets kids are perfectly reasonable and fine. So OP, her daughter, and all the extended family have to dance to the tune of some McDonald's sprogs.

If you relent on this, OP, you're teaching your daughter to be a people pleaser, to overlook her own needs, put others before her, and that she doesn't matter. Because in life there will always be 'that cousin', 'that colleague', 'that friend', 'that whoever'. She needs to learn to prioritise herself and say no. Your brother can stay home.

I'm constantly taking my youngest to places where she won't eat a thing. I really don't see the big deal.

It actually seems incredibly likely they are neurodiverse if all 3 eat such a limited diet.

How about the cousins learning consequences? If they’re fussy as fuck, there won’t always be something they like to eat. (Presuming non neurodiversity)

It's her daughter's birthday so her wishes should come first. She normally never gets to go to this restaurant but has chosen this as a birthday treat.

As an adult, I doubt whether you would choose to have a meal in a restaurant that you didn't really like rather than your favourite restaurant.

I had a child with ARFID and in this scenario he would have just had chips and I would have made him something else when we got home.

I’d say “that’s where we are going. You’re all invited. Come, don’t come. Up to you’.

This is a tell me you are a picky eater without telling me you are a picky eater post.

Seafood is not a niche preference. Judging by the popularity of fish restaurants, it is enjoyed by huge numbers of people.

I would be encouraging my children to try new things and be more adventurous than living on beige freezer food.