AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

Surely you’d just do McDonald’s or something with the cousins and then the restaurant the day before/after?

Oh whine off. There's always an exception but it's brilliant to hear about a kid with a decent range of food and good taste !

if your daughter’s top priority on her birthday, is spending time with her cousins, then I wouldn’t suggest a seafood restaurant when you know they don’t like fish!

I would invite the cousins round to you for lunch and birthday cake during the day and then take your daughter and just your household to the seafood restaurant in the evening.

Why doesn't you DBro just take his kids home after the cinema and playing at yours? Is a whole family dinner worth the misery of having kids there who won't eat (and will probably be a pain?)

What’s the restaurant called if you don’t mind. I love seafood and have never managed to find one that is pretty special. I’d love to see the menu x

I said that several pages ago as a seafood restaurant will be able to make plain pasta but the OP is only replying to people who disagree with her and isn’t engaging with anyone on her side.

Do you know what? It’s not a bad lesson for a girl to learn that she doesn’t have to be kind all the time.

It’s a good lesson for a girl to learn that, just once in a while, she can put herself first for no other reason than she want to.

It’s also a good lesson for her to say in the face of opposition “this is what I am going to do”. It’s just a shame the discussion is over her birthday plans.

Happy birthday @randomcar1990‘s daughter.

Tell the restaurant in advance and I’m sure the chef will accommodate them.

Why should OP have to pay for a separate lunch of nuggets? So all the other aunts and uncles and cousins are obliged to come to two meals just because the kids won't eat one of the three foods they will supposedly eat?!

Unless their kids have some sort of SEN, or major allergies, the rest of the world just eats food. This really is a very British issue.

If you’ve raised your kids eating from the kids menu and from your freezer, then that’s on you. But other people who talk about their kids eating food, are not boasting. It’s just food.

Do a birthday lunch somewhere cheap and cheerful with everyone before cinema, and then make it an open invitation to the dinner restaurant for those who fancy it. "DD has always wanted to try this place, so that's where we're going and you're all very welcome to join us if you fancy it too"

Rest of the world, and any kids with decent parents, just eat food.

I feel sorry for those reading this post who genuinely wish their children would eat a wide assortment of foods that people still hold attitudes like this.

Sounds like you compromise enough.

Go to where your daughter wants it's her birthday.
There IS options for them but they are just extremely fussy and you don't want McDonald's quality for a special day - totally fair!

They can have chips or eat before, simple!

What? You should be embarrassed.

What is it with Britain and beige food. No where else in the world, other than the US, does “kid food.”
I’ve lived in Asia, Europe and Africa. Kids just eat food. The same food as adults. But in the UK, you feed your kids chicken nuggets instead of just giving them real food and then you think anyone who talks about their kids eating food is boasting. Her kid eats food - where is the boast?

If your kids can’t eat food, and can only eat beige processed crap, you should be embarrassed. You’re the odd one out. Rest of the world, and any kids with decent parents, just eat food.

This brings to mind when we were expecting a visit from my brother, his wife and their two children, 8 and 10 years old.

Sister-in-Law phoned to ask what we would be eating. I said beef casserole, dumplings and green veggies.

Oh, ‘we’ don’t like dumplings (brother had always eaten them in our childhood so 'we' was a stretch).

OK, I’ll do mash as well.
Oh, child A doesn’t eat mash, only boiled.
OK, I’ll hold some boiled potatoes back.
What is in the casserole ?
Well, beef, onions,
Oh, Child B doesn’t eat onions
OK, no onions, mushrooms
Oh, child A doesn’t eat mushrooms
OK, no mushrooms, parsnips
Oh, ‘we’ don’t eat parsnips (brother had always eaten them in our childhood…).

OK, np parsnips, celery
Oh, Child B doesn't eat celery
OK, no celery, carrots, are you OK with carrots ?
Oh yes, we’ll eat anything….

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry

Interestingly, child A is married toa chef and her older son loves cooking and trying new foods. child B, now in her 40s is a great traveller and loves trying all local cuisines….

This is very different from "my brother wants more options".
It's "my brother wants to go somewhere that serves nuggets or plain pasta".

That's as restricting as, if not more than, a seafood restaurant that serves chips and other non-seafood options.

Hang on, so they'll only eat one of three dishes, one of which is available (chips) and they're still insisting you only go to somewhere that has chicken nuggets or plain pasta?

That's unhinged.

I'd say that the biggest mistake I have made as a neuro diverse parent of a neuro diverse child, is to revolve all of our meals out around Ds's needs and wishes. It isn't great to teach a child that she always needs to defer to preferences of others, even on her special day. Generally there should be compromise yes, but not on her birthday. So long as there is one choice, that is sufficient.

I'm sick of seeing this smug shit. My friend's son had a very restricted diet - it was nothing to do with how he was raised, he was offered all sorts and exposed to many different cuisines as his parents enjoy good food, yet short of forcing it down his throat there was nothing they could do to get him to eat anything beyond a very limited range of food. She was tearing her hair out.

When people have such a reduce range of food they are happy to eat, I’m always wondering

1- how do they viole health wise
2- how do they manage packed lunches - cold pasta everyday?
3- how on Earth will they cope as tgey get older - school trips that go over a week, going out with friends and later in as adults, going out with colleagues for a Christmas meal, seeing friends etc etc….

Even if ND is involved (which I know the OP said it’s not the case here), parents woukd encourage their dcs to still come, eat the chips and not make a fuss. It’s so restrictive otherwise.

I hated all fish as a child, including fish and chips. Otherwise I was a pretty Ok eater, but fish, no.
And yes of course if its your birthday you can choose the place you like, but it also is good to be aware of other people. At 12 I would not have chosen a swimming party if three of my friends hated the water, I would not have chosen a cat cafe (if they had existed!) if three of my friends were allergic to cats etc etc - unless I didn't care if my friends came or not. I would not expect friends (or cousins) to come to something they would not enjoy.

There are many posters on MN who have more than one child who are neuro diverse.

Completely disagree. If it was one child then I'd assume neaurodiversity, all of their children only eating the exact same food, that's parenting.

@randomcar1990 there is nothing wrong with your or your dd decision.

It’s not possible for every family outings to only be centred on them.
That their own parents do that, fine.
Bur expecting everyone else to go to only 3 places isn’t.

It does mean that your dd will probably not have her cousins at the meal. I assume she has realised that.
The cousins will be able to pin in furvtye rest of tge day anyway.

100% with you OP. Well done for raising children with decent palettes and willingness to try different foods.