AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

It's the brother who is actually causing problems. Why can't you see that?

I think for me it's the fact you usually always go with something that suits them that sways it more in your favour.

I think your brother should be telling them they're going and it's a lesson in 1. politeness and 2. The reality of real life. Surely it's a safer space to be doing that with family than when it comes up for them as teenagers with their mates, or on their first dates!

I think there is something about whether they're entitled to feel a bit miffed regarding the double whammy of going somewhere they're not keen on PLUS having to pay a lot more than normal for the privilege. But I can't imagine the cost difference of a plate of chips is all that much. And if chips is one of the only things they eat anyway then surely any restaurant that serves chips is OK.

And the three picky eaters make people miserable more often as they are limited in where they can eat.
The other members of the family are happy with the seafood restaurant.

Its an early lesson for your DD. You either choose something with yourself in mind and have fewer guests, or you choose something everyone will like and have everyone you want there. There isn't a right or wrong answer, you just have to choose. And once you have, stick to it, which means you don't need to be persuaded to change, and you don't get to moan about people who don't want to come or persuade them.
Perhaps her cousins can do the cinema part.

Yes, including my kids - one of who is a total foody and the other is fast approaching an ARFID diagnosis. Not all neuro divergence, including in the same family, is the same.

Your brother either needs to decline the restaurant part of the birthday celebrations once the cinema trip is over or just order some chips and puddings for his kids if he’s desperate to come.
My 13 is a foodie for the last couple of birthdays he’s picked a couple of different restaurants, this year was a fish and sushi one because that’s what he loves at the moment, last year it was a steakhouse. He invites whichever relatives he wants to and then those who want to come, do.
This year there was only his siblings, myself, DH, Grandma and Auntie, because his Grandad, other Auntie and Uncle hate fish, they didn’t moan, just attended some other part of the day and then we met the others there. There really is no need for the drama your brother is making, your daughter should be able to pick what she wants to eat for her celebration.

If I was the parent, I wouldn’t be happy to pay for meals for them to only eat the chips.

Most restaurants offer chips as a side dish. You don't have to order and pay for a meal.

So, you’d prefer to see your dcs excluded completely from the meal whilst all the other family members are there. Did I get that right?

All that because she is old enough to understand that if she wants tge seafood restaurant then she shouldn’t invite them.

Or do you mean she should invite NO ONE and loose out rather than giving her cousins a choice - eat chips at that restaurant but spend that time with her or say No.

Funny how suddenly ‘an invitation isn’t a summon’ doesn’t apply anymore.

Oh and in this case definitely don't split the bill equally. That would be unfair!

No. Just realism. This princess’s birthday is already making people miserable and it hasn’t happened yet. It’s people that matter not swanky restaurants and big gestures.

It sounds like there's been a fair bit of compromise done and it's your daughter's turn to have what she wants. I'd be annoyed to have to stick to the same three restaurants. It sounds like the kids like chips and it won't kill them to have that and a pudding. It'll also save anyone paying for an expensive meal they won't eat. And I say this as a moderately picky kid who had to scrape of sauces I'd love now. Who also ate the odd thing she didn't like out of politeness.

But if I were your brother I'd be having a talk about how being very picky causes problems and it's something they will need to work on. Not in a you are being naughty way, but in a I'll help you as your dad, we'll try small amounts of new foods etc. They don't want to be 20 and restricted to KFC etc.

Or just decide to not give the opportunity fur those who are picky to chose (eg to come and only have chips but get to enjoy being together with family) and not invite them in the first place.

Easier.
And you get to enjoy the restaurant you enjoy with the peoole you enjoy

Sometimes that’s what you have to do when you have fussy kids. It is what it is.

I agree. Why should it always have to be her? And it's even being demanded of her on her birthday.

No

Your brother can decline if he doesn't want to come.

As others have said - when planning a meal with other guests you’d generally choose a venue or menu that is fairly safe for everyone.

Surely your daughter has to choose what she wants. She’s old enough to understand that. She wants to spend the day with their cousins? Choose somewhere they’d want to go. She wants to eat seafood? Go without the cousins. There’s lots of things my children would like to do for their birthdays, but if they want particular friends to come, they will choose activities their friends would like!

If I was the parent, I wouldn’t be happy to pay for meals for them to only eat the chips.

My Danish niece and nephew are far pickier than my British nieces and nephews. Fussy kids are most definitely not just a British thing.

His fussy-eater children will need to learn that this will occur in every restaurant for their entire lives. It’s not their birthday so they don’t get to pick a restaurant of their choosing. I don’t eat meat - I go wherever I’m invited and eat what I can.

I'm absolutely amazed that people are expecting OP's DD to change her plans to accommodate fussy eaters. Why is all the compromise expected to come from the DD? Shouldn't the brother be teaching his children to compromise or else they miss out?

My DD was a nightmare eater, so picky and fussy. No way would I decline an invitation or request it to be changed on her behalf. She ate a bowl of chips and garlic bread plenty of times when eating out.

Well then they’ll just have to enjoy the rest of the day together and skip the restaurant. He has the choice to come or not, Yanbu - he is.

@randomcar1990 YANBU. Have a lovely time.

As all three kids are fussy it suggests your brother hasn't done a good job of introducing different foods.

A good restaurant will be able to make them plain pasta.

This is where you should have compromised when deciding on DD birthday.

Activities with cousins and food to suit everyone
Restaurant of choice without everyone

Then decide what day is best for which activity.

You are trying to do everything which isn't working.

I lived through rationing in a communist country, I was still fussy as fuck .

Fussy eaters don’t get to dictate restaurant choice.

She has cousins who want to be there. If you have 3 picky eaters is it really fair to always have to compromise for them