AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

Only on MN have I ever heard of anyone, adult or child, refusing to go to a specific restaurant because they didn't like the menu 😂

It's not lack of resilience at that level, it's just pathetic lack of manners.

Even better when the birthday girl is a CHILD herself.

So why not have a small family dinner at the fish restaurant and choose somewhere cheaper that all the cousins can enjoy for the bigger meal which won’t require you to subsidise anyone else? Everybody wins.

I agree with PP - at 12 she is old enough to know that you consider guests needs as well as your own. If she wants to enjoy a meal with her cousins then how will she feel when they sit there eating nothing because there is nothing on the menu for them?

For a sizeable group fish restaurants or steak houses or other specialist outlets are often a problem for someone in the group. Have you called the restaurant to see if they can do something special, maybe a non fish pasta dish for the cousins?

I am LOL at the 'she is a Princess' posts.

It's her birthday but the brother is being Princessy or Princey and expecting all the other adults and children to go to one of the 3 restaurants that his kids will eat in but which none of the other families like!

For once, the OP's Dd is asking to go elsewhere other than the Nugget Palace that everyone has to suck up for the sake of the fussy kids on every other occasion.

Take your child to the fish restaurant. It her birthday and that is her treat. You compromise enough during the year for your brothers kids. They are the ones who are entitled. Your brother dies not get to dictate

Ignore the virtue signallers who tell you you should tell your daughter to compromise for the sake of her cousins. It's her special day and she should not need to compromise just because they are fussy kids. That's for your brother to sort out.

I hope your daughter enjoys her birthday at the restaurant of her choice.

She can justify subbing everyone else because it's her DD's birthday and she wants to go this specific restaurant with a larger family group.
It's not that hard to understand.

Yes, we love sea food as a family. Except DD. Recently went to a lovely seafood restaurant and they had a sea food pasta, and happily just did the pasta, totally plain, no sauce for her. Cost us a ridiculous amount of money, but she was happy!

She could have both if her uncle was being reasonable. That’s why she can’t have both. Her choices aren’t the issue, a grown ass man throwing a tantrum is.

maybe its really about money and he is too proud to admit that so is making a silly fuss about menus as deflection?

YANBU.
I can't bear fussiness.
OK, they don't like fish (although I think it's odd that they don't even like it in the context of fish and chips, but whatever), but there ARE non-fish dishes on the menu, they just don't like any of those either?
They sound like a right royal pain.

If someone invited me to a restaurant I knew they specifically wanted to go to for a special occasion and there wasn't much I wanted to eat, I'd still go and I'd eat whatever I could find (chips, sides, dessert and a coffee), because I'd want to spend the time with them at the place they wanted to go to.

Third choice would be to pay for all of it like most people hosting a party would do.

I wonder if we are one of the only nations surrounded by water who seem to have a high proportion of people who don’t eat fish.

And different fish taste different, shellfish too can be very different. Is it just because people aren’t brought up eating it unless it is a fish finger.

Life lesson for your kiddo then isn't it.

Does she want to spend time with specific people.

Or does she want to go to a specific restaurant.

She can't have both, and some people might not come for the daytime activities if they don't want to attend the restaurant afterwards.

It is pretty crappy that your brother won't tell his kids to suck it up, eat something first, have chips and dessert at the restaurant - but thats his parenting to do, not yours.

"You're asking your brother to either fork out a load of money for something his kids will hate or exclude them from a family gathering."

Surely he only needs to fork out for chips and pudding and a couple of drinks - for the kids, at least. Them being picky is saving him money.

Is there anything on the menu that might be adapted fairly easily? The restaurant might be helpful if you contact them in advance, especially if all three will eat the same thing. For instance if there's a pasta dish that is seafood but a sauce they'd like, they might be able to replace the seafood element fairly easily, or even just leave it out. Consider the adult dishes as well as the kids menu for this; they might be happy to do child portions at a sensible price - especially if you're taking out the most expensive ingredient!

My dd doesn’t like fish either but my DS, DH and I love it, we don’t often go to fish restaurants but when we do she has to suck it up, she always finds something to eat. It’s not often and she gets to have lots of choice every other time.

Its your DDs birthday, her choice, if they don’t want to go, then so be it.

It’s only this bit of the extended family that are moaning. Appears the others including some cousins are all looking forward to it, maybe they are looking forward to having more than just beige food to choose from. And the chances are this restaurant can provide a plate of plain food whereas a beige food restaurant can’t provide a more tasty meal

This.

I think you're being unreasonable for saying "if you're struggling to afford it, we can pay". That's really rude. If you invite everyone to an expensive restaurant for your daughter's birthday, you pay. Without making a big deal of it.

You're asking your brother to either fork out a load of money for something his kids will hate or exclude them from a family gathering. It's thoughtless. You could have easily taken immediate family to the restaurant and done something cheap with extended family. If it absolutely has to be extended family AND this restaurant, then of course you foot the bill, without question or offer. I can't believe this needs explaining.

Anyway, you need to explain to your daughter that if you go to that restaurant her cousins can't come.

Yep you can do that. But that’s quite mean and defeats the object of “spending time with the cousins”.

if it wasn’t about the cousins then I’d say stick to you guns but she specifically wanted to spend time with them.

there’s plenty of people who don’t like fish and seafood. I don’t think it’s that unusual.

You are not being unreasonable. It's find for your daughter to choose where she wants to eat. And it's fine for your brother to decide he and his children cannot attend.

Yes agree. You can’t expect them to cone if they won’t eat anything. But fine to not change the restaurant as long as you’re willing to accept not everyone will cone

I'm happy to answer 1 and 2 for how my daughter manages.

1. Not great, she's underweight and relies on supplements for some vitamins. I'm extremely grateful that she'll eat tomatoes, cucumber and a fair amount of vitamin rich fruit. We do have difficulties with protein - she's small for her age, and we are a tall family.
2. Not well. We generally avoid packed lunches where possible and when she absolutely has to have them it's cold homemade pizza (which may or may not get eaten), salt and vinegar crisps and fruit. There's a brand of cereal bars she'll eat as well. She'll also eat peanut butter, so if it's a family trip out, I'll take a jar of peanut butter and she'll eat a spoonful or 2.

As for question 3, I pray she eventually outgrows it as her life will be very limited otherwise.

And yes, we make her come to restaurants. Even if she just sits with a drink and has a scoop of ice cream at the end (chocolate only, no wafer or sauce).

I wouldn’t want to take my kids to somewhere I know they’ll struggle to find something they’d like to eat.

I can’t stand seafood/fish either so if I was your brother, I’d politely decline the invitation.

She’s 12 not 21 so either find a compromise that suits everyone (like you would when going out with friends) or accept it’s just your immediate family attending.

Princess? Why? Just because it’s an expensive restaurant? Seafood?Would you say the same if it was the local chippie? Or pizza express? Where incidentally all DD would eat would be the chips.

Literally no where else in the world other than mumsnet would someone say this. This forum is batshit insane.

A 12 year old has picked her favourite restaurant for her birthday. That’s it. That’s literally all that has happened. There are 3 kids who only eat pasta, chicken nuggets and chips and demand that the whole family can only ever go to 3 restaurants for gatherings. On this one occasion, they have been told no and they can eat chips in this restaurant this one time. What is the big deal?

Thise kids are only going to eat chips wherever they go. So they can eat chips at this place, and a 12 year old can choose her favourite restaurant for her birthday… oh, and the rest of the extended family can also
enjoy a gathering in a nicer restaurant than the three they are usually restricted to.

This place is insane for comments like yours.