AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

I would be saying the same if the brother's eldest wanted a restaurant which only served nuggets and the OP’s daughter didn’t like nuggets.

Its basic hosting to consider your guests’ needs. If you don’t want to consider them then don’t invite the people with diets which don’t conform to your own preferences.

To use a mn cliche, it’s an invite not a summons. They’ve been invited to a restaurant. If they feel they’re unable to go to the restaurant, they can decline the invite.

She can't have it both ways. She can't insist they come to a restaurantwhere there's not much they can / will eat. I would struggle at a seafood restaurant
She can invite them but she has to understand if they decline

But there are non-fish options

I’ve been to parties where none of the food available was suitable for DD, because annoyingly she doesn’t like healthy food OR convenience food. So a bag of crisps(plain, salted) , some sweets and cake was it. She didn’t spontaneously combust , she didn’t starve to death , she didn’t miss out and was perfectly happy enjoying the company of her friends.

The OP has said they always have to compromise if eating as extended family. The DD is nearly the same age as OP’s brother’s eldest.

Why? Quite a lot of kids, especially fussy ones would be more than happy with chips and pudding.

It’s like throwing a birthday party and only having fish available……..

Surely you just tell them it's a shame but your daughter has her heart set on that restaurant, of course you won't be offended in the slightest if they'd rather not come?

Sorry but being veggie is quite different to seafood when quite a lot of people don’t like seafood. Also this is children. Bit different if it were adults. Think it’s miserable expecting children to eat a bowl of chips while everyone else tucks into a full on meal. It’s selfish. I wouldn’t expect that from my friends or family members children.

They can still go to the fish restaurant but as an immediate family…

Well we don’t know but I’m just thinking of trying to enjoy a meal watching three of my guests not eating. I wouldn’t enjoy it and nor would my DC have done, even at this age.

I wouldn’t be comfortable either inviting people to an expensive restaurant knowing they would have to watch their children make do with expensive breadsticks or similar (and the OP hasn’t said she is covering all the costs).

So they could go to the fish restaurant for a smaller family meal and have the big family meal at somewhere where everyone can find something. For a larger group, a less specialist restaurant makes more sense if you want your guests to eat.

We don’t know why the children don’t eat fish, but even if, as is implied by the OP, its bad parenting, that is not the children’s fault.

You first.

And another life lesson is that it's not always about them.

I've been veggie since I was 10 years old. I've been to a few steak houses in my time when I'll have a starter, skip the main meal and have a pudding - because the company I was with was why I wanted to be there.

It's ok to compromise. They can eat at home first and have some nibbles.

“Just” because it’s an expensive restaurant. How about her and her cousins make donations to the food bank and then have a fun treat?

That’s how end up with entitled, pain in the arse adults that always expect the group to cater to them, otherwise it’s unfair and leaving them out.

I think your Brother, his wife and children are exceptionally rude to think everything on someone else's birthday is about them and their food requirements.

Surely most kids would be delighted to have chips for dinner and a pudding! I don't know why he just doesn't give them something before they come join you, or decline the invite.
The children may also surprise their parents by trying new food.

It’s not like there are no non-fish courses on the menu. I have been known to have a couple of starters for main if I fancy them more than the main meals. I bet they could just eat puddings if necessary.

The 3 fussy kids are the only ones that don’t like it. Everyone else in the extended family is up for it.

Why do 3 picky eaters always get their way, don’t they have to learn to compromise, accept that other people like eating different things, and that when it is someone’s birthday they can choose the restaurant. Don’t they have to learn lessons too?

If she wants to enjoy a meal with her cousins then how will she feel when they sit there eating nothing because there is nothing on the menu for them?
She wants to enjoy their company first and foremost.
If they eat first, then have pudding/drinks/nibbles at the fish restaurant, she will feel that they have eaten something they liked, and she will feel happy that she's getting to spend time with them.

Your family is polite. Ofcourse they won't say "yes, pay for me". I think it's cheeky to choose a restaurant not everyone likes without inviting them.

Your brother is making it all about his DC, that is not right. They will go to lots of places that do not serve the food they "like". Tuff. They have choices: Have good manners and choose something small from the menu or don't come and look like the spoilt children they are.

Your DC comes first and last on her day, everyone else chooses the least unfavourable meal if they are not keen on the menu.

I’m assuming for most of her life she has had to compromise when eating with this set of cousins, maybe for once as it is her birthday she can have the restaurant she wants (and the majority of the rest of the extended family want too)

I would explain to your daughter that unfortunately the cousins don’t like seafood, so if you want to go to this restaurant, they won’t be able to come. If she wants to spend the day with her cousins then she needs to pick a different restaurant that everyone likes or she needs to accept that they won’t be coming to the meal. Would they still go to the cinema part?

I dunno why you don’t suggest to your daughter that you go as an immediate family to this particular restaurant on another occasion and that she tries to accommodate others in order to see them for her bday.

its 100% a life lesson for your daughter.

I don’t think your brother is being out of line. His kids simply don’t like the food and it is unreasonable to expect them just to eat chips and a dessert, especially at a fancy restaurant.

YABU…