AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

How come OP's DD, the birthday girl, is a 'Princess' who is making everybody miserable because she wants to eat at her favourite restaurant but her cousins aren't 'Little Lord Fauntleroys' for being so fussy and spoilt that they can't can't find a single thing on the menu that they will eat?

I wish your DD a Very Happy Birthday and enjoys the lovely fish she will be eating with relatives that appreciate the food on offer and her company.

The not paying for the guests’ meals was the part of the original post that I actually struggled with the most. Who invites people out and says pay for yourself but if you can’t afford to let us know and we’ll give you a dig out? Eh, nobody I know.

I voted YABU, but only because your entitled to chose whatever restaurant you want to, but you then cant be cross or disappointed if they choose not to come.

It sounds like all the other uncles/aunts/cousins want to go too. So why exclude them because the kids won't eat chips?

The kids can eat three things.
One of those three things is available. They have now said they don't want that.

Are you saying they need to go to somewhere that serves chips AND nuggets or chips AND plain pasta? Why? That would limit where they can go.

Cinema, playing in the garden and food everyone likes at home for lunch. Then just the nuclear family for dinner.

I think both you and your daughter are being perfectly reasonable. I hope your daughter has a wonderful birthday and enjoys her special meal out.

@randomcar1990 does your brother pay when you go to compromise restaurant

The replies... Go where your daughter wants to eat..it's her birthday. DB needs to learn and teach his kids to be adaptable..sometimes they don't get what they want but who knows they might enjoy it. Don't changes DDS plans and don't listen to some the shit being spouted here.

Exactly! Some people seem to want all the authority of being the host without the bill.

So many nasty pp saying a child should think of others before herself. Just no. I thought we were trying to teach girls that they don't have to put everybody before themselves. It's her birthday and this is what she wants to do if brother doesn't like it he'll have to stay away.
I wouldn't have a picnic in the garden either because of picky eaters if a nice restaurant had been offered.
Hope she has a lovely birthday op.

I think if you go for a large family group including different family units to a restaurant I wouldn’t expect one family to pay for the whole meal.

If she eats chicken in any form that still leaves numerous options. No Indian, the same. Even when you put them together . OP’s family however have been limited to the same 3 restaurants for years because of her brother’s children. Her daughter can have ONE birthday meal at a place she chose. It won’t kill them!

Maybe, but who invites a bunch of people for dinner to celebrate their birthday and doesn't automatically pay for it? Not "if you can't afford it I'll pay". If you can't afford to treat for the thing you've arranged, arrange something cheaper. Does she expect her kids friends to pay their own soft play entry too?

Brilliant! Is that a new take on Chekov???

Good gawd. If it's a family outing you say "let's meet, how about suchandsuch restaurant - would that be ok with your kids, brother with the fussy kids?" If it's a birthday you say "we're going to do these things and would love you to join us for all or part of it".

We always make sure we go to places where everyone will be able to eat. My parents didn't like curry for example socwe wouldn't go to an Indian. My sister in law only eats chicken (seriously). Imo it makes most sense to choose somewhere for everyone - especially if everyone is self funding.

You genuinely are prepared to cause a family rift over this?

I bet the brother never considers the needs of anyone but his picky offspring if he dictates there are only 3 restaurants they can go to when eating as extended family

My DS is quite fussy, and his favourite food is a jalfrezi or tikka masala. If he doesn’t want whatever food is available he eats before and he just has a pudding.

Being fussy is not the issue. Making a fuss about them being fussy is.

You can only 'invite' if you are paying for everyone. Otherwise it is not an 'invite'. And yes, if you are paying for everyone you invited, tough on those who don't like what is offered.

But the restaurant doesn’t just serve fish. And fish comes in many varieties and cooked in many ways. And maybe DD doesn’t like the beige food served at the restaurants they usually have to go to for the cousins

Perfectly acceptable it’s an invite. There are things other than fish they have just been allowed to be too fussy. They should the birthday person have to give up their restaurant every single birthday.

It won’t hurt them to not be put first on restaurant preferences for once and after all they serve chips and dessert. Maybe a non nugget offering once in a white might open up their views on food.

You can argue that being veggie is more reasonable in terms of pickiness than not liking fish. If you go down the moral reasons for being veggie route. Although of course it excludes more foods, so is technically pickier. I think veggie poster is being entirely sensible; we all go to places as a group, on occasion, that wouldn't be our first choice. I'd only start protesting if it was constant steak houses and fish restaurants and I were veggie.